the door open and ran to the nearest stall. My omelet and orange juice made its way into the porcelain bowl. The thought of having to regurgitate into a public toilet made me heave all over again. I was sick and disgusted at the same time. I just wanted to go home, but I couldn’t be afforded that luxury in that moment and it sucked.
I wanted to cry, but my makeup already needed to be touched up, and I had to focus on getting it together so that I wouldn’t look a hot ass mess on the stand.
“Camille?” Kyle said hesitantly through the cracked door.
“ I’m okay, I just felt a little sick. I’m better now, just give me a few moments to freshen up.” I said.
“ I’ve brought your purse,” he said as he poked his arm through the opening.
I walked over and grabbed it, “Thanks so much.”
“This is going to be over soon,” he said in an effort to ease my stress.
“ That’s what I keep telling myself,” I said with a weak smile as I walked over to the mirror.
“ We’re going to be out here waiting,” he said.
“ Okay.”
I took about 5 minutes to freshen up my make-up and pop some breath mints. I still felt queasy, but I was determined to ignore the feeling. When we returned to the courtroom, Marcus was in his seat and wearing his beige uniform. He looked my way with a blank stare, and it was as if he was staring through me. I tried to maintain my composure and return his look, and I’m not sure if I succeeded. Shortly after the judge arrived, and court was in session. I didn’t look at anyone because I was surrounded by people that I knew. Sandy and Cynthia were in the back, and the rest were there to support Marcus. I could feel all of their eyes boring into me. They saw me as a traitor, and I couldn’t blame them, especially when they didn’t know the full story. But even if they did, they wouldn’t have cared because there is a strict “no snitching” policy in my community. Even if Marcus had tried to kill me it was still wrong to snitch according to them.
But nothing made me feel as bad as seeing Marcus’s mother looking at me. She looked like I betrayed her trust. I wanted to walk over and apologize to her. She didn’t deserve any of the grief that she was being put through. She loved her son very much, she hadn’t been the best mother, but she was way better than the one that I grew up with. She genuinely loved her son and all of this had to be ripping her apart. She probably hated me, and I couldn’t say that I blamed her. If I was here I would have hated me too.
To keep my mind off of the people that I was surrounded by, I paid close attention as the prosecutor and the defense made their opening arguments. I clenched Kyle’s hand each time my name was brought up, and I wanted to disappear. Witnesses began to hit the stand, and most of them seemed useless because they couldn’t provide any real information regarding the case. Eventually I was called, and I could hear my stomach gurgle. I stood to my feet and made my way to the hot seat. I focused on my breathing, put one foot in front of the other, and hoped like hell that I didn’t fall and embarrass myself in front of everyone.
After I was sworn in, the prosecution asked me the questions that we rehearsed. I talked about how me and Marcus met, what he meant to me in my life, and how we worked together in the drug trade. I then spoke about why we parted ways, and about his blackmail. When I talked about how much I loved him, I could see Marcus’s jaw clench. As if he thought that I was full of shit or if he knew he fucked up with me. I rattled off my answers from pure memory and all of my coaching came into play. I then understood why I’d been drilled over and over again. If I hadn’t practiced beforehand, my mind would have went blank, and I would have looked like a driveling idiot on the stand.
It was a pity we could not practice the questions from the defense as this was to prove much
I wanted to cry, but my makeup already needed to be touched up, and I had to focus on getting it together so that I wouldn’t look a hot ass mess on the stand.
“Camille?” Kyle said hesitantly through the cracked door.
“ I’m okay, I just felt a little sick. I’m better now, just give me a few moments to freshen up.” I said.
“ I’ve brought your purse,” he said as he poked his arm through the opening.
I walked over and grabbed it, “Thanks so much.”
“This is going to be over soon,” he said in an effort to ease my stress.
“ That’s what I keep telling myself,” I said with a weak smile as I walked over to the mirror.
“ We’re going to be out here waiting,” he said.
“ Okay.”
I took about 5 minutes to freshen up my make-up and pop some breath mints. I still felt queasy, but I was determined to ignore the feeling. When we returned to the courtroom, Marcus was in his seat and wearing his beige uniform. He looked my way with a blank stare, and it was as if he was staring through me. I tried to maintain my composure and return his look, and I’m not sure if I succeeded. Shortly after the judge arrived, and court was in session. I didn’t look at anyone because I was surrounded by people that I knew. Sandy and Cynthia were in the back, and the rest were there to support Marcus. I could feel all of their eyes boring into me. They saw me as a traitor, and I couldn’t blame them, especially when they didn’t know the full story. But even if they did, they wouldn’t have cared because there is a strict “no snitching” policy in my community. Even if Marcus had tried to kill me it was still wrong to snitch according to them.
But nothing made me feel as bad as seeing Marcus’s mother looking at me. She looked like I betrayed her trust. I wanted to walk over and apologize to her. She didn’t deserve any of the grief that she was being put through. She loved her son very much, she hadn’t been the best mother, but she was way better than the one that I grew up with. She genuinely loved her son and all of this had to be ripping her apart. She probably hated me, and I couldn’t say that I blamed her. If I was here I would have hated me too.
To keep my mind off of the people that I was surrounded by, I paid close attention as the prosecutor and the defense made their opening arguments. I clenched Kyle’s hand each time my name was brought up, and I wanted to disappear. Witnesses began to hit the stand, and most of them seemed useless because they couldn’t provide any real information regarding the case. Eventually I was called, and I could hear my stomach gurgle. I stood to my feet and made my way to the hot seat. I focused on my breathing, put one foot in front of the other, and hoped like hell that I didn’t fall and embarrass myself in front of everyone.
After I was sworn in, the prosecution asked me the questions that we rehearsed. I talked about how me and Marcus met, what he meant to me in my life, and how we worked together in the drug trade. I then spoke about why we parted ways, and about his blackmail. When I talked about how much I loved him, I could see Marcus’s jaw clench. As if he thought that I was full of shit or if he knew he fucked up with me. I rattled off my answers from pure memory and all of my coaching came into play. I then understood why I’d been drilled over and over again. If I hadn’t practiced beforehand, my mind would have went blank, and I would have looked like a driveling idiot on the stand.
It was a pity we could not practice the questions from the defense as this was to prove much
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