Read Online The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability by Miriam Kaufman - Free Book Online
Authors: Miriam Kaufman
Tags: Sex, Reference, Health; Fitness & Dieting, Self-Help, Diseases & Physical Ailments, Chronic Pain
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before that it could feel so good. Now we've tried toys and other things and it's really a whole other feeling.
Internally, the other significant sexual part of the body for men is the prostate gland. The prostate can be felt through the rectum, toward the front of the body. It produces most of the fluid in ejaculate. Some men like to have their prostate directly stimulated with a finger, toy, or penis. As a result of medical conditions or medications, some men will have enlarged prostates that can be a source of pain or discomfort, yet for others it is a marvelous sex organ.
Sexual Response
When I was thirteen, the only time I knew I would be alone was on Sunday afternoon. My sister went to a church youth group, my father got together with a group of friends, and my mother would cook a huge Sunday dinner. I'd be in my room doing "homework." I'd masturbate as the house filled with the smells of my mother's cooking. Even now, when I smell a roast in the oven, I get a hard-on. I guess I'll never be a vegetarian.
Sexual response is a broad term referring to reactions to stimulation that you experience as sexual. You may respond to a touch from a partner, rain hitting your face, an arousing thought you have just before you go to bed, a sexually charged scene in a film you're watching, even an interview with a sex educator (or sex worker) on the radio. In short, you may respond to something not intended to be sexual.
Sexual response is, to our misfortune, considered the cornerstone of "true" sexuality in our culture. Whether or not you are responding in the right way, with enough oomph, often enough, and to the right sort of person (god forbid you sexually respond to someone of the same sex, or much older than you, or...well, the list goes on) is a topic of a seemingly endless stream of self-help books, fashion magazine articles, and radio call-in shows. Great research is being done by people like Beverley Whipple, who are taking the time to discover the different ways we all respond to sexual stimuli. (Whipple has been doing work inclusive of people with disabilities for years. She's also one of the initial documented of the famed G-spot.) The problem is that most of us confuse sexual response with sexual feelings and sexual pleasure. Sexual response is something that researchers try to measure in a somewhat objective way. But having sexual feelings, and feeling pleasure, is best defined subjectively by the individual caught up in the moment.
We distinguish between sexual response and sexual feelings because if your sexual response doesn't seem to match up "like it's supposed to," if you skip a stage, or if you don't seem to experience anything that's
SEXUAL ANATOMY AND SEXUAL RESPONSE • 49
recognizable by the standard definition, it's assumed you are missing something. If you lack a classical sexual response you're usually branded someone who lacks sexual feelings, or someone who may be unable to feel sexual pleasure. But this is not necessarily the case. Below you'll find some very basic information about how doctors and researchers have characterized sexual response, along with some suggestions on using these definitions for your own exploration. You'll also find information on ways that living with a disability or chronic illness can affect sexual response. But we want to remind you again that just because something affects your sexual response, it doesn't necessarily also affect your ability to feel pleasure or to have sexual feelings.
As with most of the other accepted terminology around sexuality, the words we have for sexual response don't always jibe with real people's experience. If you live with chronic pain, the relationship between your desire and arousal will be something incomprehensible to a person who has never experienced such severe pain. If you live with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and tend to dissociate during sex play, your "response cycle" will likely be different—and that may be a
Internally, the other significant sexual part of the body for men is the prostate gland. The prostate can be felt through the rectum, toward the front of the body. It produces most of the fluid in ejaculate. Some men like to have their prostate directly stimulated with a finger, toy, or penis. As a result of medical conditions or medications, some men will have enlarged prostates that can be a source of pain or discomfort, yet for others it is a marvelous sex organ.
Sexual Response
When I was thirteen, the only time I knew I would be alone was on Sunday afternoon. My sister went to a church youth group, my father got together with a group of friends, and my mother would cook a huge Sunday dinner. I'd be in my room doing "homework." I'd masturbate as the house filled with the smells of my mother's cooking. Even now, when I smell a roast in the oven, I get a hard-on. I guess I'll never be a vegetarian.
Sexual response is a broad term referring to reactions to stimulation that you experience as sexual. You may respond to a touch from a partner, rain hitting your face, an arousing thought you have just before you go to bed, a sexually charged scene in a film you're watching, even an interview with a sex educator (or sex worker) on the radio. In short, you may respond to something not intended to be sexual.
Sexual response is, to our misfortune, considered the cornerstone of "true" sexuality in our culture. Whether or not you are responding in the right way, with enough oomph, often enough, and to the right sort of person (god forbid you sexually respond to someone of the same sex, or much older than you, or...well, the list goes on) is a topic of a seemingly endless stream of self-help books, fashion magazine articles, and radio call-in shows. Great research is being done by people like Beverley Whipple, who are taking the time to discover the different ways we all respond to sexual stimuli. (Whipple has been doing work inclusive of people with disabilities for years. She's also one of the initial documented of the famed G-spot.) The problem is that most of us confuse sexual response with sexual feelings and sexual pleasure. Sexual response is something that researchers try to measure in a somewhat objective way. But having sexual feelings, and feeling pleasure, is best defined subjectively by the individual caught up in the moment.
We distinguish between sexual response and sexual feelings because if your sexual response doesn't seem to match up "like it's supposed to," if you skip a stage, or if you don't seem to experience anything that's
SEXUAL ANATOMY AND SEXUAL RESPONSE • 49
recognizable by the standard definition, it's assumed you are missing something. If you lack a classical sexual response you're usually branded someone who lacks sexual feelings, or someone who may be unable to feel sexual pleasure. But this is not necessarily the case. Below you'll find some very basic information about how doctors and researchers have characterized sexual response, along with some suggestions on using these definitions for your own exploration. You'll also find information on ways that living with a disability or chronic illness can affect sexual response. But we want to remind you again that just because something affects your sexual response, it doesn't necessarily also affect your ability to feel pleasure or to have sexual feelings.
As with most of the other accepted terminology around sexuality, the words we have for sexual response don't always jibe with real people's experience. If you live with chronic pain, the relationship between your desire and arousal will be something incomprehensible to a person who has never experienced such severe pain. If you live with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and tend to dissociate during sex play, your "response cycle" will likely be different—and that may be a
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