Read Online The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability by Miriam Kaufman - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Miriam Kaufman
Tags: Sex, Reference, Health; Fitness & Dieting, Self-Help, Diseases & Physical Ailments, Chronic Pain
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to have more of this feeling? Less? Feeling turned on might make you want to go out and talk to people, have sex with a partner, or stay home and touch yourself. It may make you happy, sad, angry, frustrated, or confused. These feelings are a crucial part of your sexual response.
Don't worry about whether your desires seem realistic to you. Trying to anticipate obstacles can get seriously unsexy, so for now just fantasize what you would like to do, and later you can decide how to deal with the barriers—or the opportunities!
Can You Distinguish Between Your Thoughts and Your Sensations?
Check out what's happening in your physical sensations and in your thoughts. Do feelings of being turned on lead you to fantasize about specific possibilities? Do your thoughts make you feel sexier? Or not sexy at all? Invariably sensation and thought interact and influence each other, but as with everything else, the goal is to learn more about what
precisely happens for you when you're turned on. Are there signs you can read in your body that show you are responding physically to the pleasure you are experiencing? Are there specific thoughts that trigger responses in your body? In the same way that people report effects of being turned on in their body (for example, feeling more relaxed, experiencing less pain), people also describe changes in their thoughts (fewer negative thoughts, even less anxiety).
How Do You Know When It's Over?
Since I became paralyzed in both legs I have noticed that I have varying kinds of orgasms, depending upon the situation. For example, when I play with myself and rub my clit a certain way my orgasms are much more intense. Sometimes my leg will go into spasm and my crotch feels tingly But when I am with my lover, I find that it is more difficult to have an orgasm even if he is doing everything right. I think it is because I rely on the sensation of my fingertips on my clit and lips and I am able to change how hard I press or how fast I rub based on how my clit feels on my fingertips. Sometimes, this is hard to explain to a lover because I am not always able to communicate clearly when I am feeling more sexually aroused. Eventually I do have an orgasm, and though they are satisfying, they are not as physically intense. I realize how it might be helpful for my lover to know what it is that I feel when I am masturbating so he knows what he may need to change or do differently.
In our view, too much is made of the finale of a sexual response. It's almost as if without a "proper" ending (which the experts always consider to be an orgasm) the experience somehow isn't valid. We think orgasms are great—for the bliss they provide as well as other benefits. Orgasms are a fine natural sleeping pill, and the least invasive form of pain management around. Many people who experience muscle spasms find the number of spasms reduced after orgasm. Yet all sorts of sex play can result in the pain reducing, spasm reducing, emotionally grounding effects people report from orgasms.
SEXUAL ANATOMY AND SEXUAL RESPONSE • 53
We don't all experience orgasms as described in sex guides and erotic films. Many of us get off on sex play without reaching orgasm. You may even be experiencing an orgasm and not know it because you're too busy expecting it to feel like something else—either something you experienced before, or something you've heard so much about.
All of us have experienced a sense of alienation from our bodies and our sexual response. We all need to allow ourselves our sexual thoughts, sensations, and feelings with as few pressures as possible. For now we suggest that you give yourself permission to consider anything at all to be the proper end of a sexual experience. It may be occurring when you get tired, or bored, or cramp up, or have to go to work. Or it could be those fabulous multiple orgasms accompanied by gushing ejaculation. Just don't spend all your sexual energy worrying about how it will end.
Sexual
Don't worry about whether your desires seem realistic to you. Trying to anticipate obstacles can get seriously unsexy, so for now just fantasize what you would like to do, and later you can decide how to deal with the barriers—or the opportunities!
Can You Distinguish Between Your Thoughts and Your Sensations?
Check out what's happening in your physical sensations and in your thoughts. Do feelings of being turned on lead you to fantasize about specific possibilities? Do your thoughts make you feel sexier? Or not sexy at all? Invariably sensation and thought interact and influence each other, but as with everything else, the goal is to learn more about what
precisely happens for you when you're turned on. Are there signs you can read in your body that show you are responding physically to the pleasure you are experiencing? Are there specific thoughts that trigger responses in your body? In the same way that people report effects of being turned on in their body (for example, feeling more relaxed, experiencing less pain), people also describe changes in their thoughts (fewer negative thoughts, even less anxiety).
How Do You Know When It's Over?
Since I became paralyzed in both legs I have noticed that I have varying kinds of orgasms, depending upon the situation. For example, when I play with myself and rub my clit a certain way my orgasms are much more intense. Sometimes my leg will go into spasm and my crotch feels tingly But when I am with my lover, I find that it is more difficult to have an orgasm even if he is doing everything right. I think it is because I rely on the sensation of my fingertips on my clit and lips and I am able to change how hard I press or how fast I rub based on how my clit feels on my fingertips. Sometimes, this is hard to explain to a lover because I am not always able to communicate clearly when I am feeling more sexually aroused. Eventually I do have an orgasm, and though they are satisfying, they are not as physically intense. I realize how it might be helpful for my lover to know what it is that I feel when I am masturbating so he knows what he may need to change or do differently.
In our view, too much is made of the finale of a sexual response. It's almost as if without a "proper" ending (which the experts always consider to be an orgasm) the experience somehow isn't valid. We think orgasms are great—for the bliss they provide as well as other benefits. Orgasms are a fine natural sleeping pill, and the least invasive form of pain management around. Many people who experience muscle spasms find the number of spasms reduced after orgasm. Yet all sorts of sex play can result in the pain reducing, spasm reducing, emotionally grounding effects people report from orgasms.
SEXUAL ANATOMY AND SEXUAL RESPONSE • 53
We don't all experience orgasms as described in sex guides and erotic films. Many of us get off on sex play without reaching orgasm. You may even be experiencing an orgasm and not know it because you're too busy expecting it to feel like something else—either something you experienced before, or something you've heard so much about.
All of us have experienced a sense of alienation from our bodies and our sexual response. We all need to allow ourselves our sexual thoughts, sensations, and feelings with as few pressures as possible. For now we suggest that you give yourself permission to consider anything at all to be the proper end of a sexual experience. It may be occurring when you get tired, or bored, or cramp up, or have to go to work. Or it could be those fabulous multiple orgasms accompanied by gushing ejaculation. Just don't spend all your sexual energy worrying about how it will end.
Sexual
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