Read Online The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability by Miriam Kaufman - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Miriam Kaufman
Tags: Sex, Reference, Health; Fitness & Dieting, Self-Help, Diseases & Physical Ailments, Chronic Pain
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healthy adaptation to your experience. (Chapter 13 will give more details about this.) So before we tell you how professionals explain sexual response, we want you to consider the following questions as a way of looking at your own sexual response.
How Do You Define a Sexual Feeling?
/ was pretty good friends with my male coworker and I remember one evening having to work with him on a deadline. We were sitting close to each other looking at some materials. As he got up from the table his foot caught on my crutch and he stumbled forward. He caught his balance before falling on me (which I wouldn't have minded) and brushed his hand on my shoulder. For the first time I felt this tingle in my stomach, and my crotch was throbbing. I remember my leg spasming under the table. I was sure he could tell. Later when I went to the bathroom I checked my panties and
they were soaked. I was surprised by my reaction as I never felt that way toward him before. I fantasized a lot about him later that night and played with myself before falling asleep —/ had a great night's sleep.
A lot of us think that sexual response is something that happens in a bed, with a partner, and probably involves some sort of enormous release. This can happen, but it is only one of many ways to feel sexually and respond sexually. Listening to music, having your hair brushed, gazing into someone's eyes without fear can all be incredibly sexual moments. What would you include on your list? Think about the last time you were aroused, whether you expected it or not, whether you thought it was "appropriate" or not. That was a sexual moment, and you had a real sexual response.
What Started It Off?
/ think my parents were pretty uncomfortable with talking to me about sex because they didn't want me to have expectations; however, my body had other ideas. I was thirteen and was in school and that was the first time I got a boner. I didn't know what it was. There was this pretty girl coming down the hall toward me. I was trying to look really cool and say "hi." As I was wheeling away from her I looked down and saw this huge bulge in my pants. I didn't know what to do. I don't have a lot of feeling in my legs and so sometimes I get a hard-on without knowing it...even today. It can be embarrassing so I keep my book bag on my lap just in case. Other times, it can be a great icebreaker when meeting someone new. ..only if she's got a good sense of humor.
The last time you felt sexy/aroused, what triggered it? Was it something external—a smell, noise, taste, or sound? Was it from the touch of another person, or something brushing against you? Was it from your own touch (which is also external, in a way)? Or was it triggered by something internal like a thought, a memory, or a dream?
SEXUAL ANATOMY AND SEXUAL RESPONSE • 51
What Does It Feel Like?
It surprised me when I realized [after my accident] that I could still get turned on. Since I don't have any feeling down there, I had never noticed that when I'm excited I get this fluttery feeling in my chest. It's not new, I just never paid attention to it before.
We can throw the term sexual response around; we can talk about skin flushes, increased heart rates, erectile tissue, and on and on, but more important than the physiological process is your interpretation of it. How do you experience feeling turned on? Do you feel your heart race, does a part of you tingle, does it get harder to communicate verbally, is it always pleasurable? (Sexual response doesn't always feel good and doesn't always come as a result of things we are enjoying.) Pay attention to your own sensations and thoughts, and see if you can find your own descriptions for these feelings. There are as many ways to feel a sexual response as there are things to turn us on in the first place. You won't always respond the same way, even if it's to exactly the same sort of stimulation.
What does this feeling make you want to do, think, or say? Do you want
How Do You Define a Sexual Feeling?
/ was pretty good friends with my male coworker and I remember one evening having to work with him on a deadline. We were sitting close to each other looking at some materials. As he got up from the table his foot caught on my crutch and he stumbled forward. He caught his balance before falling on me (which I wouldn't have minded) and brushed his hand on my shoulder. For the first time I felt this tingle in my stomach, and my crotch was throbbing. I remember my leg spasming under the table. I was sure he could tell. Later when I went to the bathroom I checked my panties and
they were soaked. I was surprised by my reaction as I never felt that way toward him before. I fantasized a lot about him later that night and played with myself before falling asleep —/ had a great night's sleep.
A lot of us think that sexual response is something that happens in a bed, with a partner, and probably involves some sort of enormous release. This can happen, but it is only one of many ways to feel sexually and respond sexually. Listening to music, having your hair brushed, gazing into someone's eyes without fear can all be incredibly sexual moments. What would you include on your list? Think about the last time you were aroused, whether you expected it or not, whether you thought it was "appropriate" or not. That was a sexual moment, and you had a real sexual response.
What Started It Off?
/ think my parents were pretty uncomfortable with talking to me about sex because they didn't want me to have expectations; however, my body had other ideas. I was thirteen and was in school and that was the first time I got a boner. I didn't know what it was. There was this pretty girl coming down the hall toward me. I was trying to look really cool and say "hi." As I was wheeling away from her I looked down and saw this huge bulge in my pants. I didn't know what to do. I don't have a lot of feeling in my legs and so sometimes I get a hard-on without knowing it...even today. It can be embarrassing so I keep my book bag on my lap just in case. Other times, it can be a great icebreaker when meeting someone new. ..only if she's got a good sense of humor.
The last time you felt sexy/aroused, what triggered it? Was it something external—a smell, noise, taste, or sound? Was it from the touch of another person, or something brushing against you? Was it from your own touch (which is also external, in a way)? Or was it triggered by something internal like a thought, a memory, or a dream?
SEXUAL ANATOMY AND SEXUAL RESPONSE • 51
What Does It Feel Like?
It surprised me when I realized [after my accident] that I could still get turned on. Since I don't have any feeling down there, I had never noticed that when I'm excited I get this fluttery feeling in my chest. It's not new, I just never paid attention to it before.
We can throw the term sexual response around; we can talk about skin flushes, increased heart rates, erectile tissue, and on and on, but more important than the physiological process is your interpretation of it. How do you experience feeling turned on? Do you feel your heart race, does a part of you tingle, does it get harder to communicate verbally, is it always pleasurable? (Sexual response doesn't always feel good and doesn't always come as a result of things we are enjoying.) Pay attention to your own sensations and thoughts, and see if you can find your own descriptions for these feelings. There are as many ways to feel a sexual response as there are things to turn us on in the first place. You won't always respond the same way, even if it's to exactly the same sort of stimulation.
What does this feeling make you want to do, think, or say? Do you want
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