Read Online The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris - Free Book Online
Authors: Russ Harris
Tags: Psychology/Personality
Ads: Link
helpful?
• Is this an old thought? Have I heard this one before? Do I gain anything useful from listening to it again?
• Does this thought help me take effective action to improve my life?
• What would I get for believing this thought?
At this point you may be wondering, how can you tell whether a thought is helpful or not? If you’re not sure, you can ask yourself:
• Does it help me to be the person I want to be?
• Does it help me to build the sort of relationships I’d like?
• Does it help me to connect with what I truly value?
• Does it help me to make the most of my life as it is in this moment?
• Does it help me to take effective action to change my life for the better?
• Does it help me, in the long term, to create a rich, full and meaningful life?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then the thought is helpful. If the answer to all of them is no, then it’s probably not helpful.
Thoughts Are Just Stories
In Chapter 4, I discussed the concept that thoughts are basically just ‘stories’—a bunch of words strung together to tell us something. But if thoughts are just stories, then how do we know which ones to believe? There are three parts to this answer. First, be wary of holding on to any belief too tightly. We all have beliefs, but the more tightly we hold on to them, the more inflexible we become in our attitudes and behaviours. If you’ve ever tried having an argument with someone who absolutely believes they are right, then you know how pointless it is—they will never see any point of view other than their own. We describe them as being inflexible, rigid, narrow-minded, blinkered or ‘stuck in their ways’.
Also, if you reflect on your own experience, you’ll recognise that your beliefs change over time; that is, the beliefs that you once held tightly, you may now find laughable. For instance, at some point you probably used to believe in Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, the tooth fairy or dragons, goblins and vampires. And almost everyone changes some of their beliefs about religion, politics, money, family or health at some point, as they grow older. So by all means, have your beliefs—but hold them lightly. Keep in mind that all beliefs are stories, whether or not they’re ‘true’.
Second, if a thought helps you to create a rich, full and meaningful life, then use it. Pay attention to it, and use it for guidance and motivation— and at the same time remember that it is still just a story; a bit of human language. So use it, but don’t clutch it too tightly.
Third, one of the core principles of ACT involves learning to pay careful attention to what is actually happening, rather than just automatically believing what your mind says. For example, you may have heard of the ‘impostor syndrome’. This is where someone who does his job competently and effectively believes that he’s just an impostor; that he doesn’t really know what he’s doing. The impostor thinks of himself as a fraud, a fake, a charlatan, bluffing his way through everything, always on the verge of being ‘found out’. In the impostor syndrome, people are not paying enough attention to their direct experience; to the clearly observable facts that they are doing their job effectively. Instead they are paying attention to an overcritical mind that says, ‘You don’t know what you’re doing. You’re screwing up. Sooner or later everyone will see through you because you’re a fake.’ High-profile examples of people who have experienced the impostor syndrome, even while being phenomenally successful in their careers, include the rock star Robbie Williams and the Oscar-winning actress Renée Zellweger.
In my early years as a doctor I used to suffer from it, too. If one of my patients said, ‘Thank you. You’re a wonderful doctor’, I used to think, ‘Yeah, right. You wouldn’t say that if you knew what I’m really like.’ I could never accept such compliments, because I was
• Is this an old thought? Have I heard this one before? Do I gain anything useful from listening to it again?
• Does this thought help me take effective action to improve my life?
• What would I get for believing this thought?
At this point you may be wondering, how can you tell whether a thought is helpful or not? If you’re not sure, you can ask yourself:
• Does it help me to be the person I want to be?
• Does it help me to build the sort of relationships I’d like?
• Does it help me to connect with what I truly value?
• Does it help me to make the most of my life as it is in this moment?
• Does it help me to take effective action to change my life for the better?
• Does it help me, in the long term, to create a rich, full and meaningful life?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then the thought is helpful. If the answer to all of them is no, then it’s probably not helpful.
Thoughts Are Just Stories
In Chapter 4, I discussed the concept that thoughts are basically just ‘stories’—a bunch of words strung together to tell us something. But if thoughts are just stories, then how do we know which ones to believe? There are three parts to this answer. First, be wary of holding on to any belief too tightly. We all have beliefs, but the more tightly we hold on to them, the more inflexible we become in our attitudes and behaviours. If you’ve ever tried having an argument with someone who absolutely believes they are right, then you know how pointless it is—they will never see any point of view other than their own. We describe them as being inflexible, rigid, narrow-minded, blinkered or ‘stuck in their ways’.
Also, if you reflect on your own experience, you’ll recognise that your beliefs change over time; that is, the beliefs that you once held tightly, you may now find laughable. For instance, at some point you probably used to believe in Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, the tooth fairy or dragons, goblins and vampires. And almost everyone changes some of their beliefs about religion, politics, money, family or health at some point, as they grow older. So by all means, have your beliefs—but hold them lightly. Keep in mind that all beliefs are stories, whether or not they’re ‘true’.
Second, if a thought helps you to create a rich, full and meaningful life, then use it. Pay attention to it, and use it for guidance and motivation— and at the same time remember that it is still just a story; a bit of human language. So use it, but don’t clutch it too tightly.
Third, one of the core principles of ACT involves learning to pay careful attention to what is actually happening, rather than just automatically believing what your mind says. For example, you may have heard of the ‘impostor syndrome’. This is where someone who does his job competently and effectively believes that he’s just an impostor; that he doesn’t really know what he’s doing. The impostor thinks of himself as a fraud, a fake, a charlatan, bluffing his way through everything, always on the verge of being ‘found out’. In the impostor syndrome, people are not paying enough attention to their direct experience; to the clearly observable facts that they are doing their job effectively. Instead they are paying attention to an overcritical mind that says, ‘You don’t know what you’re doing. You’re screwing up. Sooner or later everyone will see through you because you’re a fake.’ High-profile examples of people who have experienced the impostor syndrome, even while being phenomenally successful in their careers, include the rock star Robbie Williams and the Oscar-winning actress Renée Zellweger.
In my early years as a doctor I used to suffer from it, too. If one of my patients said, ‘Thank you. You’re a wonderful doctor’, I used to think, ‘Yeah, right. You wouldn’t say that if you knew what I’m really like.’ I could never accept such compliments, because I was
Similar Books
