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convinced that deep down I was totally incompetent. In reality I did my job very well, but my mind kept telling me I was useless, and I believed it.
    Whenever I made a mistake at work, no matter how trivial, two words would automatically blaze into my head: ‘I’m incompetent.’ At first I used to take the words quite seriously. I’d get really upset, believing they were the absolute truth. Then I’d start doubting myself and stressing out about all the decisions I’d made. Had I misdiagnosed that stomach-ache? Had I prescribed the wrong antibiotic? Had I overlooked something serious?
    Sometimes I would argue with the thought. I’d point out that everyone makes mistakes, including doctors, and that none of the mistakes I made was ever serious, and that overall I did my job very well. At other times I would run through lists of all the things I did well, and remind myself of all the positive feedback I’d had from my patients and work colleagues. Or I’d repeat positive affirmations that I was, indeed, highly competent. But none of that got rid of the negative thought or stopped it from bothering me.
    These days the same two words still often pop up when I make a mistake, but the difference is now they don’t bother me—because I don’t take them seriously. I know that those words are just an automatic response, like the way your eyes shut whenever you sneeze. The fact is, we don’t choose most of the thoughts in our head. We do choose a small number of them, when we’re actively planning or mentally rehearsing or being creative, but most of the thoughts in our head just ‘show up’ of their own accord. We have many thousands of useless or unhelpful thoughts every day. And no matter how harsh, cruel, silly, vindictive, critical, frightening or downright weird they may be, we can’t prevent them from popping up. But just because they appear doesn’t mean we have to take them seriously.
    In my case, the ‘I’m incompetent’ story was there long before I became a doctor. In many different aspects of my life, from learning to dance to using a computer, any mistake I’ve made has triggered the same thought: ‘I’m incompetent.’ Of course, it’s not always those exact words. Often it’s variants on the same theme, such as: ‘Idiot!’ or ‘There you go, screwing up again!’ or ‘Can’t you do anything right?’ But these thoughts are not a problem as long as I see them for what they really are: just a few words that popped into my head. Basically, the more tuned in you are to your direct experience of life (rather than to your mind’s running commentary), the more empowered you are to take your life in the direction you truly want. In later chapters you will learn how to develop this ability.
The Stories Never Stop
    The mind never stops telling stories—not even when we’re asleep. It is constantly comparing, judging, evaluating, criticising, planning, pontificating and fantasising. And many of the stories it tells are real attention grabbers. Time and time again we get lost in these stories—a process for which we have many different expressions. We speak of ‘indulging a thought’, ‘entertaining a thought’, ‘struggling with a thought’, ‘flirting with a thought’, ‘buying into a thought’, ‘being wrapped up in thoughts’, ‘lost in thought’ and being ‘carried away by thoughts’ to name but a few.
    All these expressions point to how thoughts occupy our time, energy and attention. Most of the time we tend to take our thoughts far too seriously and give them far too much attention. The following exercise demonstrates the difference between attaching importance to a thought and not taking a thought seriously.
Not Taking A Thought Seriously
    Bring to mind a thought that normally upsets you; that takes the form ‘I am X’ (for example, ‘I am inadequate’). Hold that thought in your mind and notice how it affects you.
    Now bring to mind the thought, ‘I am a banana!’