Read Online The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Russ Harris
Tags: Psychology/Personality
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Hold it in your mind and notice how it affects you.
What did you notice? Most people find that the first thought bothers them but the second thought makes them grin. Why? Because you don’t take the second thought seriously. But if the words following ‘I am...’ are ‘a loser’, ‘a failure’, ‘a fat pig’ or ‘a boring person’, instead of ‘a banana’, we tend to attach far more importance to them. And yet, they are all just words. One simple way of taking your thoughts less seriously is to try...
THANKING YOUR MIND
This is a simple and effective defusion technique. When your mind starts coming up with those same old stories, simply thank it. You could say to yourself (silently) things like, ‘Thank you, Mind! How very informative!’ or ‘Thanks for sharing!’ or ‘Is that right? How fascinating!’ or simply, ‘Thanks, Mind!’
When thanking your mind, don’t do it sarcastically or aggressively. Do it with warmth and humour, and with a genuine appreciation for the amazing ability of your mind to produce a never-ending stream of thoughts. (You could also combine this technique with Naming the Story: ‘Ah yes, the “I’m a failure” story. Thanks so much, Mind!’)
Below is another technique that will help you take your thoughts less seriously. Read through the instructions first and then give it a go.
THE SILLY VOICES TECHNIQUE
This technique is particularly good with recurrent negative self-judgements. Find a thought that upsets or bothers you. Focus on the thought for ten seconds, believing it as much as possible. Notice how it affects you.
***
Then pick an animated cartoon character with a humorous voice, such as Mickey Mouse, Bugs Bunny, Shrek or Homer Simpson. Now bring the troubling thought to mind, but ‘hear’ it in the cartoon character’s voice, as if that character were speaking your thoughts out loud. Notice what happens.
***
Now get the negative thought back in its original form, and again believe it as much as possible. Notice how it affects you.
Next pick a different cartoon character or a character from a movie or television show. Consider fantasy characters such as Darth Vader, Yoda, Gollum or someone from your favourite sitcom, or actors with distinctive voices, such as Arnold Schwarzenegger or Eddie Murphy. Once again bring the distressing thought to mind and ‘hear’ it in that voice. Notice what happens.
***
After doing this exercise and then repeating it, you’ve probably found that you’re not taking that negative thought quite so seriously. You may even have found yourself grinning or chuckling. Notice that you haven’t tried to change the thought, get rid of it, argue with it, push it away, debate whether it’s true or false, replace it with a more positive thought or distract yourself from it in any way. You have merely seen it for what it is: a bit of language. By taking that segment of language and hearing it in a different voice, you become aware that it is nothing more than a string of words—and thus, it loses its impact. (This may remind you of a rhyme we learned as children: ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.’ Unfortunately, as children we couldn’t put this into practice all that well, because no one ever taught us defusion skills.)
A client of mine—we’ll call her Jana—who suffered from depression, found this method extremely helpful. She had grown up with a verbally abusive mother who constantly criticised and insulted her. The insults that had once come from her mother had now turned into recurrent negative thoughts: ‘You’ re fat’, ‘You’re ugly’, ’You’re stupid’, ‘You’ll never amount to anything ... nobody likes you.’ When these thoughts came to mind during our sessions, Jana would often start crying. She had spent many years (and thousands of dollars) in therapy, trying to get rid of these thoughts, all to no avail.
Jana was an avid fan of the comedy troupe Monty Python,
What did you notice? Most people find that the first thought bothers them but the second thought makes them grin. Why? Because you don’t take the second thought seriously. But if the words following ‘I am...’ are ‘a loser’, ‘a failure’, ‘a fat pig’ or ‘a boring person’, instead of ‘a banana’, we tend to attach far more importance to them. And yet, they are all just words. One simple way of taking your thoughts less seriously is to try...
THANKING YOUR MIND
This is a simple and effective defusion technique. When your mind starts coming up with those same old stories, simply thank it. You could say to yourself (silently) things like, ‘Thank you, Mind! How very informative!’ or ‘Thanks for sharing!’ or ‘Is that right? How fascinating!’ or simply, ‘Thanks, Mind!’
When thanking your mind, don’t do it sarcastically or aggressively. Do it with warmth and humour, and with a genuine appreciation for the amazing ability of your mind to produce a never-ending stream of thoughts. (You could also combine this technique with Naming the Story: ‘Ah yes, the “I’m a failure” story. Thanks so much, Mind!’)
Below is another technique that will help you take your thoughts less seriously. Read through the instructions first and then give it a go.
THE SILLY VOICES TECHNIQUE
This technique is particularly good with recurrent negative self-judgements. Find a thought that upsets or bothers you. Focus on the thought for ten seconds, believing it as much as possible. Notice how it affects you.
***
Then pick an animated cartoon character with a humorous voice, such as Mickey Mouse, Bugs Bunny, Shrek or Homer Simpson. Now bring the troubling thought to mind, but ‘hear’ it in the cartoon character’s voice, as if that character were speaking your thoughts out loud. Notice what happens.
***
Now get the negative thought back in its original form, and again believe it as much as possible. Notice how it affects you.
Next pick a different cartoon character or a character from a movie or television show. Consider fantasy characters such as Darth Vader, Yoda, Gollum or someone from your favourite sitcom, or actors with distinctive voices, such as Arnold Schwarzenegger or Eddie Murphy. Once again bring the distressing thought to mind and ‘hear’ it in that voice. Notice what happens.
***
After doing this exercise and then repeating it, you’ve probably found that you’re not taking that negative thought quite so seriously. You may even have found yourself grinning or chuckling. Notice that you haven’t tried to change the thought, get rid of it, argue with it, push it away, debate whether it’s true or false, replace it with a more positive thought or distract yourself from it in any way. You have merely seen it for what it is: a bit of language. By taking that segment of language and hearing it in a different voice, you become aware that it is nothing more than a string of words—and thus, it loses its impact. (This may remind you of a rhyme we learned as children: ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.’ Unfortunately, as children we couldn’t put this into practice all that well, because no one ever taught us defusion skills.)
A client of mine—we’ll call her Jana—who suffered from depression, found this method extremely helpful. She had grown up with a verbally abusive mother who constantly criticised and insulted her. The insults that had once come from her mother had now turned into recurrent negative thoughts: ‘You’ re fat’, ‘You’re ugly’, ’You’re stupid’, ‘You’ll never amount to anything ... nobody likes you.’ When these thoughts came to mind during our sessions, Jana would often start crying. She had spent many years (and thousands of dollars) in therapy, trying to get rid of these thoughts, all to no avail.
Jana was an avid fan of the comedy troupe Monty Python,
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