if I destroyed the person who meant everything to me.
Ginny
Fourteen Years Old
I was going to hide in the school’s media room for the rest of the day. Scratch that. I would hide in there for the rest of the year.
“Gin!”
The sound of my best friend’s voice did not stop or even slow down my quick strides to get as far away from that freaking cafeteria as I could. Heck, at this rate, I could probably walk out of the school and get to my house in no time. Screw the media room; hiding in my room sounded like a fabulous plan.
“ Gin! Wait up!”
I still refused to stop for Olivia, though I could hear her footfalls getting closer. I wouldn’t even turn my head to look back at her. Keeping my head down so I was watching the floor kept anyone from seeing the stupid tears slipping down my face.
How pathetic I must look to everyone. It seemed like the entire school had figured out my feelings for Lucas. With my drawings and reserved nature, they already thought I lived with my head in the clouds. Rachel sure seemed happy enough to rub it in my face that she could get her hands on him, while I couldn’t.
I felt like such a freaking idiot for wanting someone who so obviously did not want me back. I couldn’t help myself, though, because this wasn’t some trivial, little crush like Olivia thought. Although I was only a teenager, what I felt for Lucas was a certainty. What I felt for him was more than an increase of my heart beating in anticipation, more than the feeling of butterflies in my stomach when he smiled at me. It was more than the dreams I had where he kissed me breathless and told me he would wait until I was ready to do more.
The reason I knew it was more than all of that was simple: anytime I was in his presence, I felt like I was home—safe, protected, wanted, and loved. I barely remembered life before Lucas Young.
My mom and I had left everything behind. I remembered having a huge house with a long driveway behind a stone fence. My mother would read me bedtime stories, and in my little girl mind, our house had been my castle. Then things had changed. Daddy had changed, and Mom packed me up. We never looked back.
Until Lucas and his family had come over with cookies that very first day, I hadn’t been sure I would know how to handle all the changes. The ease in which they had fit into our lives had given me comfort. From there, Lucas became the knight in all my childhood fairy tales. Someway, somehow, he always seemed to be there when I needed someone the most. Rescuing me from locked closet doors and mean girls in school cafeterias. Giving me a hug to comfort me when I had been shaking from head to toe or cracking a joke when he thought I needed a laugh.
Maybe he didn’t love me in the capacity I wanted him to yet, but I kept holding out hope that he would one day open his eyes and see me for who I was—his. Sometimes, it was the little things that fueled my hope. Like the fact that Lucas had just defended me against Rachel when it was obvious he could have anything he wanted from her. Or like the day he’d ditched his friends to sit with me under that tree while I drew then walked me home to make sure I was safe. Surely, he wouldn’t do or say things like that if he didn’t care about me, right?
Days like today made me wonder if I was the biggest idiot in the world for holding on to that hope.
God, I was a huge ball of mixed up emotions when it came to the boy across the street. Why my stupid heart had to be set on Lucas Young, I had no idea. Nevertheless, the heart wanted what it wanted, and that was the boy who didn’t want me back.
I’d once thought he was my knight in shining armor. While I might not believe in all the fairy tale stuff I had before, I did know one thing: Lucas was lucky he wasn’t a knight in shining armor, because if he were, I would take his lance and shove it up his butt for humiliating me like this!
If I allowed myself to hope, then I could say he didn’t mean
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