Read Online If Someone Says "You Complete Me," RUN! by Whoopi Goldberg - Free Book Online
Authors: Whoopi Goldberg
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unrealistic, infatuated, sex-crazed state when you and your new love are sitting in a bubble bath with soft music and candles, drinking champagne, and staring into each other’s eyes. You’re sending flowers and candies and little love notes, and your heart beats fast every time you hear from him, every time you see him. You take out a second mortgage on your house to pay for your new lingerie habit. The two of you don’t leave the bedroom for days. It’s all excitement and romance and anticipation. And it feels wonderful.
Ahhhh. This is the fun part. And we all love it. But…
I hate to burst your bubble, but while the beginning isheavenly, unfortunately it has nothing to do with reality. It’s all that stuff that, after six or seven months, you’re no longer doing. You’re not still sending the card every week or leaving the little love note on the pillow. Or waking up and kissing the person before you brush your teeth.
The beginning of any relationship is truly a heightened state, and it really is the fun part. Whether it’s your relationship with your first baby, whether it’s your relationship with your first boyfriend or girlfriend, or with your new friend. Everything is heightened. So you want to put the most bullshittian information out there so he doesn’t go away. Since you are in this heightened state of excitement, you are being your very best self, a self that you probably aren’t even close to actually being, and you are putting out your very best effort, and going the extra mile to maintain that heightened state. In the first blush of a relationship, you’re wearing your favorite clothes. You have a new lacy thong for every day of the week. But you’re not really being you—and believe me, neither is the other person. It’s all bullshit, and I’m sorry to be the one to tell you, but it isn’t going to last.
Now, we’re talking about relationships between adults. If we’re talking about the relationship you have with your first baby, then no, you’re not you. Your stomach has just been huge and you don’t know what to do, but you’re so glad to get that thing out of there. That first baby—you treat him like he’s perfect and precious. By your secondbaby, you are throwing that second baby around and not obsessing over every little burp and diaper. That’s because you know what you are doing this time around and you knew what to expect and were prepared. You are more yourself.
Anytime you begin a relationship, it’s a first relationship. Well, the first time you feel love it’s for the person who’s carrying you around in her arms. That’s the first love of your life—if you’re lucky enough to have a parent anyway. Not everybody gets to have that. When you’re a little kid, love is comfort, love is the person who takes care of you.
Then you have your first love, puppy or young love:
“You make me feel good.”
“I heard you like me.”
“I think I like you.”
“I like your shoes.”
“I like your book.”
“I want to be with you.”
“I want to have a boyfriend.”
“I want to have a girlfriend.”
Or whatever. Relationships are pretty much all the same when we are young and when they are new, at least until we become devious about them.
In a new relationship with an adult, even when it’s your second time around or your one-hundredth timearound, you revert to some idealized version of yourself for a short period, perhaps to relive those original puppy loves or out of hope that you are really the wonderful person your new love thinks you are. You are not who you truly are, but rather a heightened version. The version that is the person in all those songs I was talking about earlier. The “Good Morning” and the “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman.”
That’s
who you are. For a short period you get to be the girl in the movie, and you are the girl in the song, and trying to get that feeling, experiencing it, is such a high that it becomes like a
Ahhhh. This is the fun part. And we all love it. But…
I hate to burst your bubble, but while the beginning isheavenly, unfortunately it has nothing to do with reality. It’s all that stuff that, after six or seven months, you’re no longer doing. You’re not still sending the card every week or leaving the little love note on the pillow. Or waking up and kissing the person before you brush your teeth.
The beginning of any relationship is truly a heightened state, and it really is the fun part. Whether it’s your relationship with your first baby, whether it’s your relationship with your first boyfriend or girlfriend, or with your new friend. Everything is heightened. So you want to put the most bullshittian information out there so he doesn’t go away. Since you are in this heightened state of excitement, you are being your very best self, a self that you probably aren’t even close to actually being, and you are putting out your very best effort, and going the extra mile to maintain that heightened state. In the first blush of a relationship, you’re wearing your favorite clothes. You have a new lacy thong for every day of the week. But you’re not really being you—and believe me, neither is the other person. It’s all bullshit, and I’m sorry to be the one to tell you, but it isn’t going to last.
Now, we’re talking about relationships between adults. If we’re talking about the relationship you have with your first baby, then no, you’re not you. Your stomach has just been huge and you don’t know what to do, but you’re so glad to get that thing out of there. That first baby—you treat him like he’s perfect and precious. By your secondbaby, you are throwing that second baby around and not obsessing over every little burp and diaper. That’s because you know what you are doing this time around and you knew what to expect and were prepared. You are more yourself.
Anytime you begin a relationship, it’s a first relationship. Well, the first time you feel love it’s for the person who’s carrying you around in her arms. That’s the first love of your life—if you’re lucky enough to have a parent anyway. Not everybody gets to have that. When you’re a little kid, love is comfort, love is the person who takes care of you.
Then you have your first love, puppy or young love:
“You make me feel good.”
“I heard you like me.”
“I think I like you.”
“I like your shoes.”
“I like your book.”
“I want to be with you.”
“I want to have a boyfriend.”
“I want to have a girlfriend.”
Or whatever. Relationships are pretty much all the same when we are young and when they are new, at least until we become devious about them.
In a new relationship with an adult, even when it’s your second time around or your one-hundredth timearound, you revert to some idealized version of yourself for a short period, perhaps to relive those original puppy loves or out of hope that you are really the wonderful person your new love thinks you are. You are not who you truly are, but rather a heightened version. The version that is the person in all those songs I was talking about earlier. The “Good Morning” and the “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman.”
That’s
who you are. For a short period you get to be the girl in the movie, and you are the girl in the song, and trying to get that feeling, experiencing it, is such a high that it becomes like a
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