Read Online If Someone Says "You Complete Me," RUN! by Whoopi Goldberg - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Whoopi Goldberg
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around, it gets a little weird, because then your face starts to slip. Your whole persona starts to slip. You’re back in the stinky pants. Maybe you’re not as hygienically scented as you’d like to be, or as you were before, so your odor changes. You are wearing your granny pants underwear and a stretched-out bra. And now you’re sort of getting used to how we do this.
The first time you’re in bed with somebody, you’re very nervous and, you know, wondering who is going to start and “What should we do?”
“Oh my God, I can’t believe this is happening, how do I look? And blah, blah, blah. Then you figure out whether you’re compatible in the bed. Again, in the beginning, your expectations are very high because everything tells you that you’ve met that special person, so you figure everything else is going to be perfect as well.
But what do you do if that doesn’t work as well as you want it to? You want to train him, don’t you? There are these expectations that you hope the sex is going to be as good as all the romance or the feelings. So you say, “Well, if the sex isn’t great, then I’ll have to teach him.”
You know if somebody can’t satisfy you. You know it.So you need to show him what to do. And you do it in a way that doesn’t make him feel like he’s an idiot. You do it like, “Let’s try this… let’s try that… what do you like… what do I like?”
But the first blush is really sort of “Oh my God, this is great and wonderful.” “Gee, am I going to be his muse?” “Am I going to be this or that?” It’s all that movie shit.
I don’t know when movies changed—I don’t know if they have, really. But I don’t remember a lot of these issues hitting folks in the 1950s and such. Maybe they were. But you had to meet people one on one, or you had pen pals or whatever. Everything took longer. You had to physically go somewhere to meet the person. You had to get to know each other over a period of time. Or, in some places, the parents arranged the marriage and you went along with it, which is maybe also a good idea for people. Not my favorite thing, but some people find it really helpful because you grow together. You are forced to get to know each other and figure it out.
Times have changed. I remember reading about Barbra Streisand and when she started her relationship with James Brolin. She was away somewhere making a movie—they were in different countries—and she was in the hotel room in the bathroom on the floor, and for hours and hours they spoke on the phone.
People don’t do that anymore.
When I was growing up, I could be on the phone withmy best friends or boyfriends for hours and hours, and it created a connection, a trust, a common language that was important. You just liked hearing the sound of the other person’s voice.
Today everyone texts, and something has been lost. That connection isn’t given a chance to develop when your main form of communication is texting. And texts can be so easily misunderstood and are valued not for being honest but for being cute or clever. All human interaction has been reduced to emojis. Don’t get me wrong, emojis can be cute, but they don’t begin to create a connection that gets two people closer. They are more like a shorthand type of language.
So a connection is built not through emojis but through intimacy. The official definition of
intimacy
is that it’s a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship. It is an understanding of who the other is and creates nice familiarity, warmth, affection. Not necessarily love, but intimacy can certainly lead to love.
But this definition is a little vague, isn’t it? A little stiff. It sounds good, but what does it really mean to you?
Think about your own definition of intimacy, which can probably start with some of the things you want in a relationship. Spelling out your definition of intimacy is taking that to the next level:
My
The first time you’re in bed with somebody, you’re very nervous and, you know, wondering who is going to start and “What should we do?”
“Oh my God, I can’t believe this is happening, how do I look? And blah, blah, blah. Then you figure out whether you’re compatible in the bed. Again, in the beginning, your expectations are very high because everything tells you that you’ve met that special person, so you figure everything else is going to be perfect as well.
But what do you do if that doesn’t work as well as you want it to? You want to train him, don’t you? There are these expectations that you hope the sex is going to be as good as all the romance or the feelings. So you say, “Well, if the sex isn’t great, then I’ll have to teach him.”
You know if somebody can’t satisfy you. You know it.So you need to show him what to do. And you do it in a way that doesn’t make him feel like he’s an idiot. You do it like, “Let’s try this… let’s try that… what do you like… what do I like?”
But the first blush is really sort of “Oh my God, this is great and wonderful.” “Gee, am I going to be his muse?” “Am I going to be this or that?” It’s all that movie shit.
I don’t know when movies changed—I don’t know if they have, really. But I don’t remember a lot of these issues hitting folks in the 1950s and such. Maybe they were. But you had to meet people one on one, or you had pen pals or whatever. Everything took longer. You had to physically go somewhere to meet the person. You had to get to know each other over a period of time. Or, in some places, the parents arranged the marriage and you went along with it, which is maybe also a good idea for people. Not my favorite thing, but some people find it really helpful because you grow together. You are forced to get to know each other and figure it out.
Times have changed. I remember reading about Barbra Streisand and when she started her relationship with James Brolin. She was away somewhere making a movie—they were in different countries—and she was in the hotel room in the bathroom on the floor, and for hours and hours they spoke on the phone.
People don’t do that anymore.
When I was growing up, I could be on the phone withmy best friends or boyfriends for hours and hours, and it created a connection, a trust, a common language that was important. You just liked hearing the sound of the other person’s voice.
Today everyone texts, and something has been lost. That connection isn’t given a chance to develop when your main form of communication is texting. And texts can be so easily misunderstood and are valued not for being honest but for being cute or clever. All human interaction has been reduced to emojis. Don’t get me wrong, emojis can be cute, but they don’t begin to create a connection that gets two people closer. They are more like a shorthand type of language.
So a connection is built not through emojis but through intimacy. The official definition of
intimacy
is that it’s a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship. It is an understanding of who the other is and creates nice familiarity, warmth, affection. Not necessarily love, but intimacy can certainly lead to love.
But this definition is a little vague, isn’t it? A little stiff. It sounds good, but what does it really mean to you?
Think about your own definition of intimacy, which can probably start with some of the things you want in a relationship. Spelling out your definition of intimacy is taking that to the next level:
My
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