collar as she spoke.
I swallowed hard.
“I know what it is you want, and if you are so eager to consummate this… childish friendship … then let us do so.”
“No.” I veered away, trying to shake the overwhelming sensations raging through me.
It was wrong in a thousand ways and I could not stand the thought. I would not tarnish the innocence of a woman I could never rightfully call my wife.
“You cannot ask me to come and take you for myself, when I’ve not even the very basic right of a man to court you properly.”
“Perhaps not.” She walked in front of me and pressed an open hand over her heart. “But you do have the right as a man to love me. And if you feel the way I do then let us banish this fear you have.” Her eyes scanned the ground and returned to me. “Now.”
My lips curled with disgust.
“ And your God will watch us burn for our sins.” I scoffed. “After your father is through with us both. You are not ready for this.”
“Neither are you.”
She was right. Still, I could not disregard the purpose of our meeting.
“You’re changing the subject,” I said, resorting to a huskier tone. “I cannot have you and, therefore, I-I…” I cleared my throat. “And, therefore, I do not want you.”
Kathryn tipped her head and shadows cast by the trees overhead darkened her eyes. “Then no one will have me,” she said, bending over to reach a hand down to her ankle. She pulled a small silver dagger out from under her dress and held out her other wrist.
“Kathryn!?”
“You will not reject me, Matthaya,” she seethed. “You will not reject me because of fear, and if you wish to pretend there is some other reason, then I insist you hold your tongue.”
The dagger shook in her grasp. She then pressed it into the milky flesh of her wrist and cried out a muffled groan as the tip of the blade pierced her skin.
“Kathryn, no!” I dashed to her side as her knees hit the ground. She hadn’t the nerve to go any further and released the dagger.
That single drop of blood was all it took to break my heart.
A heaving sigh pooled in her breast and she wept.
I picked up the dagger and tossed it behind us, out of her reach.
Her body shook and she gasped small breaths, as tears poured from her eyes.
I gently lifted her wrist and pressed my thumb against the incision, applying slight pressure to stop the bleeding.
“Can we not be together?” Her weakened voice was nearly inaudible.
“Even if your father does not kill both of us, we will still lose everything. We are not at liberty to choose our own paths. And you… you should not do these things because of me.” I caressed her palm and kissed the inside of her wrist before letting go of her hand. The bleeding had ceased.
“To say that I do not feel the same passion for you as you feel for me would be a lie.” I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and pulled her trembling body close to my chest. “But to say that I do not fear the consequences would also be false.” I kissed the top of her head. “I have known for so long that it would someday come to this. That someday, we would have to confront the curse of our friendship.”
Her eyes came up toward mine and her shimmering red curls parted to the sides of her face.
“I would give up everything for you,” she uttered.
“You… would?”
She took a deep, congested breath and cleared her throat. “I know you can do many things I cannot, and you may think I am naive, but I want to learn from you. I want to be part of you and I am willing to share the hardships that you face each day in order to do that.” She wiped the remaining tears from her cheeks and swept her hair behind her shoulder. “I must be with you. We can lie to ourselves and to others, but the connection between you and I will never fade. It is irreplaceable, and it is as sacred today as it was the day you arrived here.”
Her words were beyond her years.
“You would renounce the life you have now,
I swallowed hard.
“I know what it is you want, and if you are so eager to consummate this… childish friendship … then let us do so.”
“No.” I veered away, trying to shake the overwhelming sensations raging through me.
It was wrong in a thousand ways and I could not stand the thought. I would not tarnish the innocence of a woman I could never rightfully call my wife.
“You cannot ask me to come and take you for myself, when I’ve not even the very basic right of a man to court you properly.”
“Perhaps not.” She walked in front of me and pressed an open hand over her heart. “But you do have the right as a man to love me. And if you feel the way I do then let us banish this fear you have.” Her eyes scanned the ground and returned to me. “Now.”
My lips curled with disgust.
“ And your God will watch us burn for our sins.” I scoffed. “After your father is through with us both. You are not ready for this.”
“Neither are you.”
She was right. Still, I could not disregard the purpose of our meeting.
“You’re changing the subject,” I said, resorting to a huskier tone. “I cannot have you and, therefore, I-I…” I cleared my throat. “And, therefore, I do not want you.”
Kathryn tipped her head and shadows cast by the trees overhead darkened her eyes. “Then no one will have me,” she said, bending over to reach a hand down to her ankle. She pulled a small silver dagger out from under her dress and held out her other wrist.
“Kathryn!?”
“You will not reject me, Matthaya,” she seethed. “You will not reject me because of fear, and if you wish to pretend there is some other reason, then I insist you hold your tongue.”
The dagger shook in her grasp. She then pressed it into the milky flesh of her wrist and cried out a muffled groan as the tip of the blade pierced her skin.
“Kathryn, no!” I dashed to her side as her knees hit the ground. She hadn’t the nerve to go any further and released the dagger.
That single drop of blood was all it took to break my heart.
A heaving sigh pooled in her breast and she wept.
I picked up the dagger and tossed it behind us, out of her reach.
Her body shook and she gasped small breaths, as tears poured from her eyes.
I gently lifted her wrist and pressed my thumb against the incision, applying slight pressure to stop the bleeding.
“Can we not be together?” Her weakened voice was nearly inaudible.
“Even if your father does not kill both of us, we will still lose everything. We are not at liberty to choose our own paths. And you… you should not do these things because of me.” I caressed her palm and kissed the inside of her wrist before letting go of her hand. The bleeding had ceased.
“To say that I do not feel the same passion for you as you feel for me would be a lie.” I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and pulled her trembling body close to my chest. “But to say that I do not fear the consequences would also be false.” I kissed the top of her head. “I have known for so long that it would someday come to this. That someday, we would have to confront the curse of our friendship.”
Her eyes came up toward mine and her shimmering red curls parted to the sides of her face.
“I would give up everything for you,” she uttered.
“You… would?”
She took a deep, congested breath and cleared her throat. “I know you can do many things I cannot, and you may think I am naive, but I want to learn from you. I want to be part of you and I am willing to share the hardships that you face each day in order to do that.” She wiped the remaining tears from her cheeks and swept her hair behind her shoulder. “I must be with you. We can lie to ourselves and to others, but the connection between you and I will never fade. It is irreplaceable, and it is as sacred today as it was the day you arrived here.”
Her words were beyond her years.
“You would renounce the life you have now,
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