Read Online Until There Was You by J.J. Bamber - Free Book Online

of the problems and issues that everyone else has, is just so painful to process. And it isn't even a little thing that he did to disappoint me. It's a full-on betrayal. Worst of all is that Bailey will one day know what happened, and I just don't want Bailey to feel betrayed by Joshua.
    "The second my sister was diagnosed, I felt betrayed by my dad, and it's just a shitty way to live your life. It just makes me feel so sad that he's not the perfect person that I thought he was. It makes me so upset that that sixteen year old who was desperate for a happy ending didn't get it. How could everything have gone so wrong? I so thought that I had made good with him. And it makes me feel pathetic that I just want him back. I still think that deep down he's incredible."
    Nate sunk into the sofa cushion as Cecily sat next to him. His breathing was labored, like he was in danger of forgetting to inhale and exhale if he didn't consciously remind himself to. He felt Cecily rest her head on his shoulder and he felt instantly stronger. Nate was still fighting his contradictory instincts; the reality of the situation was battling the image that he had of Joshua in his mind. He had spent ten years piling all of his admiration into a person that had walked away in the most cowardly way possible. Nate couldn't align the two sides of himself: the one that wanted to grip onto his perfect image of Joshua and the one that had to clean up the mess that Joshua had left behind. It felt so cruel to have to admit that Joshua wasn't what Nate had thought he was.
    "Nate." Cecily swallowed hard, and Nate dreaded what would come next. "I've been biting my tongue for a really long time now... but I don't think you're seeing this the right way. You keep talking about how strong Joshua is, about how much you owe him, about how much he is responsible for the good things that have happened in your life. You're giving yourself no credit. But the truth is that he bailed on you and his son. He wasn't strong; he was a coward. He didn't make sure that you and Bailey were secure—he just ran away."
    "But I don't think I gave him any other option. I think that I made it impossible for him to tell me what was going on because I had placed such huge expectations of him." Nate's voice barely grew above a whisper. He felt as if all of the energy had been sucked out of him, leaving him hollow.
    "Okay, but I don't think that's true. Tomorrow you have to put everything you own into boxes. You'll have to say goodbye to the house that you love, and I think that's sad. You will be carrying around a lot of grief, and you don't need to be carrying around blame as well. Because it's not your fault." Cecily let Nate rest his head on her shoulder.
    "Then why does it feel like it? Why do I feel like I let Joshua down? That I'm letting Bailey down?" Nate asked, voice shaking and childlike.
    "Because you're a good guy, and you want to see the best in people, and you want the best for people. You're a protector."
    "What am I going to tell Bailey?" Nate asked, staring at the ceiling. "I can't just keep saying that Joshua's working out of town. At some point, he's going to have to hear the truth. But I think it'll just kill him."
    "You tell him that Joshua has gone away and that you don't know when he will see him again, but that he loves him a lot. You tell Bailey that he didn't do anything wrong and none of this is his fault, and you tell him that this might be an okay thing. Because it's a new start, a whole new chapter." Nate knew that Cecily was trying to make everything seem easier than it was in an attempt to be supportive. He also knew that Bailey would be devastated no matter what he said. He knew that the next couple of months were going to be harder than Cecily would ever admit.
    Nate drained the last bit of Merlot from his glass and steeled himself. He brushed invisible lint off his sweater. "Okay, that's enough. That's my last breakdown. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep