Read Online The World's Biggest Bogey by Steve Hartley - Free Book Online

 

    Steve Hartley is a sensible man. He has a sensible job, a sensible family, lives in a sensible house and drives a sensible car. But underneath it all, he longs to be silly.
    There have been occasional forays into silliness: Steve has been a football mascot called Desmond Dragon, and has tasted World Record success himself – taking part in both a mass yodel and
    a mass yo-yo. But he wanted more, and so his alter ego – Danny Baker Record Breaker – was created. Steve lives in Lancashire with his wife and teenage daughter.
    You can find out more about Steve
    on his extremely silly website:
    www.stevehartley.net
     
    Also by Steve Hartley
    DANNY BAKER RECORD BREAKER
    The World’s Awesomest Air-Barf
     

     

    First published 2010 by Macmillan Children’s Books
    This electronic edition published 2010 by Macmillan Children’s Books
a division of Macmillan Publishers Limited
Pan Macmillan, 20 New Wharf Road, London N1 9RR
Basingstoke and Oxford
Associated companies throughout the world
www.panmacmillan.com
    ISBN 978-0-330-52037-9 in Adobe Reader format
ISBN 978-0-330-51983-0 in Adobe Digital Editions format
ISBN 978-0-330-52038-6 in Mobipocket format
    Text copyright © Steve Hartley 2010
Illustrations copyright © Kate Pankhurst 2010
    The right of Steve Hartley and Kate Pankhurst to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs
and Patents Act 1988.
    You may not copy, store, distribute, transmit, reproduce or otherwise make available this publication (or any part of it) in any form, or by any means (electronic, digital,
optical, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be
liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.
    A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
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Contents
    The Toxic Toes
    Bogey
    Nits
    Spot: on the Bot
    Pong
    What a Save!
    It’s All Over . . .
    Danny Baker – Record Breaker
    The Baffled Brain Boffins
    Wonderfluff
    Gobbledegook
    The Baffling Children
    Shock Tactics
    The Mighty Trump
    The Stars of the Show
    Danny Baker-Record Breaker
    Glossary of Danny Baker’s Gobbledegook
     
    For Rosie
    Three hundred and forty-seven megazigzillion thanks to:
    Connie, the Best Daughter in the World, whose love of records inspired the original idea.
    Natascha Biebow, Sara Grant and Sara O’Connor for having the Best Idea in the World when they put together the SCBWI Undiscovered Voices 2008 anthology.
    Finally to three women who all love Danny as much as I do:
Sarah Manson, the Best Agent in the World, for knocking my writing into shape and expertly steering the Steve Hartley ship.
Emma Young, the Best Editor in the World, for plunging so enthusiastically into Danny’s world of silliness.
And most of all to my wife, Louise, the Best Critic in the World, for so many Ace ideas, and for telling me when I’m funny, but more importantly, when I’m not funny.
     
    This is entirely a work of fiction and any resemblance to the real world is purely coincidental.
     

     

     
Bogey
    To the Manager
    The Great Big Book of World Records
    London
    Dear Sir
    I have been collecting bogeys from my nose for the last two years. I have stuck them al l together to make one
enormous bogey. It measures 5.3 c m in diameter and weighs 3.6 g. Here is a photograph of me holding the bogey. Is this a record?
    Yours faithfully
    Danny Baker
    (Aged nine and a bit)

     

    Dear Danny Baker
    Thank you for your letter about your big bogey. I am sorry to tell you that it is not a record.
    Ronald Ramsbottom of Rawtenstall,