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Authors: Steve Hartley
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collect fifty-seven more head lice, making a total of 166.
I have stuck them all on the bottom of this page as proof. Could this be a family record?
I hope it is, because it might make Nats feel better to know that she didn’t miss the disco for nothing.
And she might stop trying to pull my ears off every time she sees me.
Yours sincerely
Danny Baker
Dear Danny Baker
Thank you for the enquiry about your attempt on the Most Head–lice world record, which I’m sorry to tell you was unsuccessful.
This record is held by Arthur Grimley, a hermit from Thornton Watlass in Yorkshire. He lived alone in a cave on the North Yorkshire Moors for
forty–one years, and never washed in all that time. His hair and beard reached down to just above his knees. Whenever ramblers went near his cave, he used to shout rude words at them and jump
up and down pulling faces. If this didn’t scare them away, he used to pull his pants down and show them his bottom. I imagine he had the dirtiest bottom in the world too, but as far as I know
no one dared to check!
One day, Arthur slipped on some ice outside his cave, and luckily was found soon after by some ramblers. He went to hospital and was washed and
deloused. They counted 8,433 head lice, as well as 169 fleas. (This isn’t a record. The most fleas ever counted on one person is 17,325.)
The record number of head lice ever collected from one family is 58,971. This record is held by the fifteen members of the Pickle family of West
Virginia, USA.
Bad luck once again. Perhaps you should buy your sister a present and say you are sorry. Or buy yourself a hat with earmuffs. Sisters are just no
fun are they?
Best wishes
Eric Bibby
Keeper of the Records
Danny lay in bed that morning, reading Mr Bibby’s letter. He sighed with disappointment.
‘Danny!’ shouted his mum from downstairs. ‘Get up, now!’
He got out of bed, yawned, stretched and scratched his tummy. He was wearing socks and trainers, and a pair of extremely grubby underpants. Danny had been wearing the same pants for six
months, but so far his mum hadn’t realized, because he’d been putting a clean pair in the wash bin every day. He’d been doing the same with his socks.
Natalie appeared at his open bedroom door and stared at him with a strange mixture of triumph and disgust on her face.
‘I’m telling Mum,’ she sneered. ‘Aw, don’t, Nat,’ begged Danny. ‘She’ll go ballistic.’
‘You’re revolting.’
‘I’m just trying to break a world record.’
Natalie pulled a face. ‘Which one? The Dirtiest Underpants?’
‘No,’ replied Danny truthfully, although he realized that he could try for that record, if he didn’t break the one he was actually going for. ‘It’s a
secret.’
‘Fine, don’t tell me then.’ Natalie smirked. ‘Mum!’
Danny quickly pulled on his jeans. ‘I’ll tidy your bedroom,’ he offered desperately.
Natalie considered this for a moment, but then yelled, ‘Mum!’ again.
‘I’ll ask Matthew to do your maths homework for the next two weeks.’
‘ Mum! ’
‘What do you want, Natalie?’ shouted Mum from downstairs. ‘I’ve got the vacuum cleaner in pieces on the living-room floor.’
Danny pleaded with his eyes.
‘Have you seen –’ yelled Natalie. She grinned at her brother – ‘my hairbrush?’
‘No, I haven’t,’ answered Mum. ‘Your bedroom’s such a mess, I’m not surprised you’ve lost it.’
‘It’ll be tidy by tonight, don’t worry.’ Natalie glared menacingly at her brother. ‘Won’t it, Danny?’
‘I promise. I’ll do it after the game this afternoon.’
‘And I won’t have to do any maths homework for two weeks?’
‘No.’
‘OK then.’ She stuck her tongue out at him, and went downstairs.
Danny sighed with relief and finished getting dressed. He picked up his football-kit bag and set off for school. The Coalclough Sparrows were going to play Crawshaw Cougars in the semi-final of
the
I have stuck them all on the bottom of this page as proof. Could this be a family record?
I hope it is, because it might make Nats feel better to know that she didn’t miss the disco for nothing.
And she might stop trying to pull my ears off every time she sees me.
Yours sincerely
Danny Baker
Dear Danny Baker
Thank you for the enquiry about your attempt on the Most Head–lice world record, which I’m sorry to tell you was unsuccessful.
This record is held by Arthur Grimley, a hermit from Thornton Watlass in Yorkshire. He lived alone in a cave on the North Yorkshire Moors for
forty–one years, and never washed in all that time. His hair and beard reached down to just above his knees. Whenever ramblers went near his cave, he used to shout rude words at them and jump
up and down pulling faces. If this didn’t scare them away, he used to pull his pants down and show them his bottom. I imagine he had the dirtiest bottom in the world too, but as far as I know
no one dared to check!
One day, Arthur slipped on some ice outside his cave, and luckily was found soon after by some ramblers. He went to hospital and was washed and
deloused. They counted 8,433 head lice, as well as 169 fleas. (This isn’t a record. The most fleas ever counted on one person is 17,325.)
The record number of head lice ever collected from one family is 58,971. This record is held by the fifteen members of the Pickle family of West
Virginia, USA.
Bad luck once again. Perhaps you should buy your sister a present and say you are sorry. Or buy yourself a hat with earmuffs. Sisters are just no
fun are they?
Best wishes
Eric Bibby
Keeper of the Records
Danny lay in bed that morning, reading Mr Bibby’s letter. He sighed with disappointment.
‘Danny!’ shouted his mum from downstairs. ‘Get up, now!’
He got out of bed, yawned, stretched and scratched his tummy. He was wearing socks and trainers, and a pair of extremely grubby underpants. Danny had been wearing the same pants for six
months, but so far his mum hadn’t realized, because he’d been putting a clean pair in the wash bin every day. He’d been doing the same with his socks.
Natalie appeared at his open bedroom door and stared at him with a strange mixture of triumph and disgust on her face.
‘I’m telling Mum,’ she sneered. ‘Aw, don’t, Nat,’ begged Danny. ‘She’ll go ballistic.’
‘You’re revolting.’
‘I’m just trying to break a world record.’
Natalie pulled a face. ‘Which one? The Dirtiest Underpants?’
‘No,’ replied Danny truthfully, although he realized that he could try for that record, if he didn’t break the one he was actually going for. ‘It’s a
secret.’
‘Fine, don’t tell me then.’ Natalie smirked. ‘Mum!’
Danny quickly pulled on his jeans. ‘I’ll tidy your bedroom,’ he offered desperately.
Natalie considered this for a moment, but then yelled, ‘Mum!’ again.
‘I’ll ask Matthew to do your maths homework for the next two weeks.’
‘ Mum! ’
‘What do you want, Natalie?’ shouted Mum from downstairs. ‘I’ve got the vacuum cleaner in pieces on the living-room floor.’
Danny pleaded with his eyes.
‘Have you seen –’ yelled Natalie. She grinned at her brother – ‘my hairbrush?’
‘No, I haven’t,’ answered Mum. ‘Your bedroom’s such a mess, I’m not surprised you’ve lost it.’
‘It’ll be tidy by tonight, don’t worry.’ Natalie glared menacingly at her brother. ‘Won’t it, Danny?’
‘I promise. I’ll do it after the game this afternoon.’
‘And I won’t have to do any maths homework for two weeks?’
‘No.’
‘OK then.’ She stuck her tongue out at him, and went downstairs.
Danny sighed with relief and finished getting dressed. He picked up his football-kit bag and set off for school. The Coalclough Sparrows were going to play Crawshaw Cougars in the semi-final of
the
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