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Authors: Steve Hartley
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Lancashire, is the Individual Bogey world-record holder. He was the All-England Nose-picking Champion for
thirteen straight years, from 1982 to 1994. Unfortunately, in 1995 he chopped off his right index finger trying to unblock a jammed electric pencil sharpener. Ronald entered the championship that
year using his left index finger, but came ninth. He retired, and now picks his nose only for fun. His collected bogeys measured 47 cm in diameter, and weighed 2.51 kg.
As a matter of interest, the biggest Team Bogey ever created was one that measured 5.1 m in diameter and weighed 3,198.7 kg. It took six years of
continuous nose–picking by 467 boys from a school in Chichibu in Japan. On the day they decided to stop picking their noses, they invited their headmaster to add the final bogey. Tragically,
just as he put his finger up his nose, a freak gust of wind started the ball rolling. The headmaster and fifteen of the boys were squashed to death. Thirty–one other pupils had to go to
hospital. All of which goes to show that great care must be taken when attempting to break any world record.
Best wishes
Eric Bibby
Keeper of the Records
‘Bad luck, Danny,’ said his best friend Matthew Mason. He handed the letter back to Danny and continued tying up the laces on his football boots. ‘Imagine
being killed by a giant bogey. Gross.’
‘Yeah,’ agreed Danny. He pulled his green goalkeeper’s shirt over his head and tucked it into his black shorts. He sighed and gazed dreamily into space. ‘I was going to
have my bogey mounted on a wooden stand and present it to Penleydale Museum. They’d have put it in a small glass case with a sign saying THE WORLD’S BIGGEST BOGEY, PICKED BY DANNY
BAKER, AGED NINE AND A BIT.’ Danny sighed again. ‘I’d have to pick my nose for years to make a bogey 47 centimetres in diameter.’
‘You could just carry on anyway until you get there,’ suggested Matthew.
‘No point now,’ grumbled Danny. ‘Natalie used the bogey to play fetch with next door’s dog and, instead of bringing it back, he ate it.’
‘Gross! I’m surprised your sister wanted to touch the bogey in the first place.’
‘She thought it was a rubber ball.’ Danny grinned. ‘She spent all afternoon washing her hands when she found out what it really was! Come on, let’s go and beat the
Snickwell Alleycats.’
With the studs on their boots clicking an upbeat rhythm on the floor, Danny’s team, the Coalclough Sparrows, walked out of the changing rooms to do just that, by four goals to nil.
‘Well done, Danny,’ said his dad when they got home from the game. ‘You haven’t let a goal in all season. If you carry on like this you’re going to be better than I
was.’
‘I doubt it, Dad!’
Danny looked around at the shelves and glass display cabinets crammed with medals, trophies and caps. The walls of his dad’s study were so full of photographs and certificates that Danny
could barely see what colour the wall underneath was painted. Danny’s dad had been the Best Goalkeeper in the World Ever. He played more times for his country, won more medals, played in
more games and let in fewer goals than anyone else had ever done in the history of football. He even had a Special Certificate from the Great Big Book of World Records.
Danny read the certificate for the umpteenth time. ‘One day I’ll be the best in the world at something, Dad, just like you.’
His dad smiled. ‘You’re the best in the world to me, Danny,’ he said.
That’s not the same, thought Danny. He scratched his head vigorously. Time to try for my next record attempt.
Nits
Dear Mr Bibby
Last night my mum found 109 head lice on my head. Is this a record? When they checked, my mum and dad had them too. And my
sister Natalie discovered that she was simply crawling with nits! She wasn’t pleased, because she was just about to go to the school disco with her best friends Kaylie and Kylie.
We managed to
thirteen straight years, from 1982 to 1994. Unfortunately, in 1995 he chopped off his right index finger trying to unblock a jammed electric pencil sharpener. Ronald entered the championship that
year using his left index finger, but came ninth. He retired, and now picks his nose only for fun. His collected bogeys measured 47 cm in diameter, and weighed 2.51 kg.
As a matter of interest, the biggest Team Bogey ever created was one that measured 5.1 m in diameter and weighed 3,198.7 kg. It took six years of
continuous nose–picking by 467 boys from a school in Chichibu in Japan. On the day they decided to stop picking their noses, they invited their headmaster to add the final bogey. Tragically,
just as he put his finger up his nose, a freak gust of wind started the ball rolling. The headmaster and fifteen of the boys were squashed to death. Thirty–one other pupils had to go to
hospital. All of which goes to show that great care must be taken when attempting to break any world record.
Best wishes
Eric Bibby
Keeper of the Records
‘Bad luck, Danny,’ said his best friend Matthew Mason. He handed the letter back to Danny and continued tying up the laces on his football boots. ‘Imagine
being killed by a giant bogey. Gross.’
‘Yeah,’ agreed Danny. He pulled his green goalkeeper’s shirt over his head and tucked it into his black shorts. He sighed and gazed dreamily into space. ‘I was going to
have my bogey mounted on a wooden stand and present it to Penleydale Museum. They’d have put it in a small glass case with a sign saying THE WORLD’S BIGGEST BOGEY, PICKED BY DANNY
BAKER, AGED NINE AND A BIT.’ Danny sighed again. ‘I’d have to pick my nose for years to make a bogey 47 centimetres in diameter.’
‘You could just carry on anyway until you get there,’ suggested Matthew.
‘No point now,’ grumbled Danny. ‘Natalie used the bogey to play fetch with next door’s dog and, instead of bringing it back, he ate it.’
‘Gross! I’m surprised your sister wanted to touch the bogey in the first place.’
‘She thought it was a rubber ball.’ Danny grinned. ‘She spent all afternoon washing her hands when she found out what it really was! Come on, let’s go and beat the
Snickwell Alleycats.’
With the studs on their boots clicking an upbeat rhythm on the floor, Danny’s team, the Coalclough Sparrows, walked out of the changing rooms to do just that, by four goals to nil.
‘Well done, Danny,’ said his dad when they got home from the game. ‘You haven’t let a goal in all season. If you carry on like this you’re going to be better than I
was.’
‘I doubt it, Dad!’
Danny looked around at the shelves and glass display cabinets crammed with medals, trophies and caps. The walls of his dad’s study were so full of photographs and certificates that Danny
could barely see what colour the wall underneath was painted. Danny’s dad had been the Best Goalkeeper in the World Ever. He played more times for his country, won more medals, played in
more games and let in fewer goals than anyone else had ever done in the history of football. He even had a Special Certificate from the Great Big Book of World Records.
Danny read the certificate for the umpteenth time. ‘One day I’ll be the best in the world at something, Dad, just like you.’
His dad smiled. ‘You’re the best in the world to me, Danny,’ he said.
That’s not the same, thought Danny. He scratched his head vigorously. Time to try for my next record attempt.
Nits
Dear Mr Bibby
Last night my mum found 109 head lice on my head. Is this a record? When they checked, my mum and dad had them too. And my
sister Natalie discovered that she was simply crawling with nits! She wasn’t pleased, because she was just about to go to the school disco with her best friends Kaylie and Kylie.
We managed to
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