feel some pain. But I was numb. My hand was like a limp sponge. I didnât feel a thing.
I sat there staring at shadows, chilled in the breeze from the window. Images rolled through my mind. Red hoodies ⦠rivers of blood ⦠Bladeâs accusing eyes ⦠I couldnât shut the pictures out.
âI have to confess,â I said out loud, my voice hollow as it broke the deep silence. âI have to tell what I have done. I murdered Blade. I murdered him.â
I collapsed into shoulder-heaving sobs. I lowered my head, covered my face with both hands, and cried. Cried till my face and hands were soaked from tears.
The flashing red-and-blue lights made me stop. I lowered my hands and stared at the glare of the lights outside the bedroom window.
I heard a car door slam. The sharp sound snapped me from my shock. I grabbed a wad of tissues and mopped my face. Then I stumbled to the window and gazed down at the street.
A Shadyside police patrol car had stopped at the bottom of my driveway. The flashing red-and-blue roof lights gave the front lawn an eerie, unreal carnival glow. I watched two dark-uniformed officers striding up the driveway.
My knees started to collapse. I gripped the windowsill to keep myself up. A wave of nausea made me swallow hard. Again. Again.
They were here. The police were already here. Here to arrest me for Bladeâs murder.
I lurched into the hall and flew down the dark stairs. So fast. The police were so fast. So quick to end my life.
Â
16.
Gripping the banister tightly, I stopped at the foot of the stairs. The two cops stood side by side in the open front doorway. The pulsing red-and-blue lights behind them made them appear to flicker in and out of view.
They eyed me in silence as I stepped up to the doorway. They had their caps off. They both had short, black hair and dark eyes. They could have been twins, except that the one on the left was about a foot taller than his partner and had a thick black mustache.
The tall one had his right hand resting on the gun holster at his waist. They both stood erect, tense, as if expecting trouble.
I didnât plan to give them any trouble. I knew why they were there, and I knew I had no choice but to surrender to them.
I gazed from one to the other. Their faces revealed no emotion at all. I wondered if they could see how much I was trembling. âI-I ⦠know why youâre here,â I stammered.
Their eyes grew wider as they studied me. âYou do?â the shorter cop said.
His partner shifted his weight uncomfortably. âIâm Officer Rivera and heâs Officer Miller. We were driving past and saw your front door open,â he said. âWe wanted to make sure no one had broken in.â
My breath caught in my throat. I started to choke, but covered it up, made it sound like a cough.
I wanted to laugh. I wanted to do a crazy dance. I wanted to hug them both.
âOh my God,â I said, thinking fast. âMy parents must have left it open. They ⦠they were visiting friends. I think they just got home a little while ago.â
The officers seemed as relieved as I did. Miller smiled and nodded. Rivera lifted his hand off his holster. He brushed back his short black hair.
âOr maybe it was the wind,â I said, feeling braver. âIâve been home all night. I didnât see the door was open.â
âCheck the latch,â Miller said. âMake sure it works okay.â
âThanks for noticing,â I said, my heart still racing. âI really appreciate it.â
They started to turn away. But Rivera stopped and motioned to the sleeve of my shirt. I followed his gaze and saw the dark stain there.
My heart skipped a beat. I forced myself not to react at all.
âIs that blood?â he asked, studying it. âDid you cut yourself?â
I fingered the sleeve. Studied it, too. âItâs an old stain,â I said. âI donât think
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