sometimes difficult to know what he expected but I was determined. There were times when it wasn't enough and now and then I'd do or say something wrong.
The first time I knew I had messed up, we were at his friend’s party; I'd only had one drink but something didn't feel right. Everything was just a little blurry and it was as if everything was in slow motion. I tried to get up but it was as if I wasn't quite in control of my limbs. It felt as if I was floating up out of my body. Had I died? You would think that was the kind of thing you would be sure of. There wasn't a bright light beckoning me, but then I panicked and tried to search for the sensation of heat or any flame-tipped fingers that might be calling me instead. My heart rate slowly returned to a steadier pace when I found neither. In fact the party still seemed to be going on around me.
I had to find Chris, he had been here a while ago and he had brought me the drink and told me I was beautiful. I didn't believe him, yet it was so incredible to me to hear him say it. From where I was sitting, I couldn't see him anywhere. Leaning over my glass, I peered inside but the black liquid looked and smelled like vodka and coke should.
Nina hated vodka and coke! When she rarely had a drink it was usually a small glass of wine or something with lemonade. ‘How can you date someone and not know this?’ thought Alex.
I didn't like coke with vodka; it was too sweet a combination. It should have bothered me that I’d mentioned this to Chris this many times before, and yet I had smiled a thank you when he handed me the glass.
Chris came back to me then and pulled me up from the seat. "You've been ignoring me. Why didn't you come and sit with me instead of them?" His face was so close to mine, I could smell the alcohol on his breath. I tried to speak but couldn't seem to get my mouth to form the words, so I stared at him hoping he would realise something wasn't right. He had to remember he had been the one who had got up to go speak to someone. And then I thought I recognised the expression on his face - it was the look he got right before he would kiss me.
I was vaguely aware of being half-carried; half pushed up two flights of stairs to a dark room and felt the weight of his body as he pushed me onto the bed. It amazed me that he wanted me at all, and I wanted to make him as happy. For some reason I couldn't seem to make my limbs function and so I lay there with my head swimming and my body limp. I felt his mouth kiss my face and neck but his stubble scratched at my skin like claws. He fumbled for the fastenings on my clothes and then my underwear and moments later he pushed into me roughly. I couldn't find my voice to cry out and so he didn't notice the pain he was causing me. I don't know how long he kept on as I slipped into unconsciousness.
Alex realized he was gripping the edges of the diary so tight he almost broke the spine. Her words were describing something that had happened years ago, and he could do absolutely nothing about but that only made him feel angrier. There was a lot more to her diary after this so he knew it couldn’t be the reason she had decided suicide was her way out, but he had a feeling this was a part of it.
I woke with a start to find myself in a taxi, and the driver trying his best to wake me without touching me. I could see the pity in his eyes as I took in the fact that I was alone in a taxi outside my house and I had no idea how I got there or if I even had enough money to pay the driver. He must have guessed what I was thinking.
"Not to worry love, your boyfriend gave me the fare from your purse. He said to say he'd call you." said the driver.
I stood in the doorway fumbling in my bag for the house key and trying to clear my head. The clock on the wall said one o'clock in the morning. Thankfully, no one was up but I still had to let my Mother know I was home. I made my way
The first time I knew I had messed up, we were at his friend’s party; I'd only had one drink but something didn't feel right. Everything was just a little blurry and it was as if everything was in slow motion. I tried to get up but it was as if I wasn't quite in control of my limbs. It felt as if I was floating up out of my body. Had I died? You would think that was the kind of thing you would be sure of. There wasn't a bright light beckoning me, but then I panicked and tried to search for the sensation of heat or any flame-tipped fingers that might be calling me instead. My heart rate slowly returned to a steadier pace when I found neither. In fact the party still seemed to be going on around me.
I had to find Chris, he had been here a while ago and he had brought me the drink and told me I was beautiful. I didn't believe him, yet it was so incredible to me to hear him say it. From where I was sitting, I couldn't see him anywhere. Leaning over my glass, I peered inside but the black liquid looked and smelled like vodka and coke should.
Nina hated vodka and coke! When she rarely had a drink it was usually a small glass of wine or something with lemonade. ‘How can you date someone and not know this?’ thought Alex.
I didn't like coke with vodka; it was too sweet a combination. It should have bothered me that I’d mentioned this to Chris this many times before, and yet I had smiled a thank you when he handed me the glass.
Chris came back to me then and pulled me up from the seat. "You've been ignoring me. Why didn't you come and sit with me instead of them?" His face was so close to mine, I could smell the alcohol on his breath. I tried to speak but couldn't seem to get my mouth to form the words, so I stared at him hoping he would realise something wasn't right. He had to remember he had been the one who had got up to go speak to someone. And then I thought I recognised the expression on his face - it was the look he got right before he would kiss me.
I was vaguely aware of being half-carried; half pushed up two flights of stairs to a dark room and felt the weight of his body as he pushed me onto the bed. It amazed me that he wanted me at all, and I wanted to make him as happy. For some reason I couldn't seem to make my limbs function and so I lay there with my head swimming and my body limp. I felt his mouth kiss my face and neck but his stubble scratched at my skin like claws. He fumbled for the fastenings on my clothes and then my underwear and moments later he pushed into me roughly. I couldn't find my voice to cry out and so he didn't notice the pain he was causing me. I don't know how long he kept on as I slipped into unconsciousness.
Alex realized he was gripping the edges of the diary so tight he almost broke the spine. Her words were describing something that had happened years ago, and he could do absolutely nothing about but that only made him feel angrier. There was a lot more to her diary after this so he knew it couldn’t be the reason she had decided suicide was her way out, but he had a feeling this was a part of it.
I woke with a start to find myself in a taxi, and the driver trying his best to wake me without touching me. I could see the pity in his eyes as I took in the fact that I was alone in a taxi outside my house and I had no idea how I got there or if I even had enough money to pay the driver. He must have guessed what I was thinking.
"Not to worry love, your boyfriend gave me the fare from your purse. He said to say he'd call you." said the driver.
I stood in the doorway fumbling in my bag for the house key and trying to clear my head. The clock on the wall said one o'clock in the morning. Thankfully, no one was up but I still had to let my Mother know I was home. I made my way
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