preparation for the coming battle. In the end, though, he found only a competent, eager group of warriors, in a state of splendid readiness.
The aftmost gun on the greenside was a 24-pounder nicknamed simply, Rabid, which could have applied to any of those big brass guns. Then came three 12-pounders, Larry, Moe, and Curly. These four guns were the lower greenside battery, under the command of Lt. Jarad Crater.
At the bow gunport was a 24-pounder named Cuddles, a particularly nasty piece of work, even for these guns. Naming this gun "Cuddles" might have seemed incongruous, or perhaps an attempt at reverse or understated humor, until you understood that Cuddles was the name of the Fang 's alpha male cat. Cuddles (the cat) was the most malignant, vicious, feral creature on the Ship. He was the alpha male in a long line of raping, incestuous, violent creatures. Many sailors liked cats, and some scorned them, but everyone feared Cuddles. And Cuddles' namesake, jutting out the lower bow gunport like a great brass phallus, lived up to that spirit.
Moving on around, Melville and the inspection party came to two 12-pounders named Hugs and Kisses, then the gap where Cuddles went when it was part of the broadside, followed by their last 24-Pounder, Prudence. Prudence was named after the wife of that crew's gun captain, McGowly, and the entire crew swore that Prudence (the wife) was to wives what Cuddles (the cat) was to cats. These four guns were under the command of Midshipman Abdyl Faisal.
Then Melville popped into the lower stern cabin, where Monk and Ham, the two final 12-pounders, lay waiting. Usually this stern cabin was their hospital, but when the Ship was cleared for action the medical personnel shifted into the lower hold, and the guns were pointed out the stern gunports.
As with the upper stern cabin, these gun crews did not usually have the opportunity to sleep and eat around their guns, and it was difficult to have one of the battery commanders supervise them from the gun deck. In this case it was Ulrich who had supervisory command. Whenever the stern guns had to fight, whenever there was a target behind them, Melville's coxswain and his steward, Ulrich and McAndrews, had to drop their other responsibilities in order to provide supervision for these guns. And that was just fine with Melville. Those two were a couple of burdens, a pair of albatrosses around his neck, and he was happy for any additional responsibilities that gave him some relief from their sometimes overbearing attentions.
With his inspection complete, satisfied that his Ship was in a state of complete readiness, Melville went forward to Cuddles and prepared to engage the enemy.
"Mr. Barlet," the captain said, turning to his master gunner, "you can take charge of the upper gun deck. I'll fire the first shot from here, then pop up to join you in the upper bow to fire the next shot. We will not fire until the enemy fires at us. I'll have Lady Elphinstone, Brother Theo, Valandil, Westminster, Asquith, and Lt. Broadax with me as witnesses that we did not fire the first shot. When we get to Earth I want there to be absolutely no doubt that the Guldur started this battle."
"Aye, sir," Barlet replied with a scowl on his ebon face. "I hate to give 'em the advantage, but if the curs follow their standard doctrine—and when did they ever do otherwise?—they'll start firing as soon they think there is a chance of hitting us. Then we'll have a hell of a surprise for them."
"Aye, Guns. Aye," said Melville with a confident grin and a slow nod. "For them doctrine is almost a religion, but for us doctrine is your starting point—and then you improvise! So they'll be out to slow us down enough for their friends to come gang up on us. They'll want to knock down our sails and rigging, but I'll be aiming to punch a ball into their Keel. We'll be going for the kill on this one. So be ready for me to come join you right after Cuddles here says her piece."
"Aye, sir,"
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