Read Online The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings by Tess Ayers, Paul Brown - Free Book Online

whomever you’re talking with has never met an engaged lesbian or gay man. There are still some people, dare we say, who claim they have never knowingly spoken with a homosexual. This isn’t to put a burden on you (no, you don’t represent every gay and lesbian in the world; you are not Everyqueer), but to make you aware that with each transaction, you could be opening a door for other couples. And it’s your chance to shatter right-wing stereotypes. As we said, no pressure.
    The good news is that in many ways you are expected to behave just as any run-of-the-mill heterosexual couple would. You’d better believe that the wedding industry isn’t made up of a bunch of starry-eyed merchants whose only goal is to help lovers fulfill their dreams. They’re in the business of business: to make money—your money, your gay money. Remember, you’re plunking down your cash for goods and services; no one is doing you a favor because you’re gay. So be prepared with the facts, and approach each of the vendors you deal with in a professional manner.
    Now, what if you run up against some of those less open-minded individuals or businesses, and actually experience discrimination? We won’t lie to you; it does happen. Maybe you tell the baker you want two men on the top of the cake, and you’re suddenly shown the door. Perhaps the hotel has plenty of available rooms for the date you ask about—until you tell them that it’s a same-sex wedding; then, oh gosh, they’re now all booked up for that date. Or maybe someone takes your money but gives you inferior service. What do you do?
    First of all, be absolutely certain that you’re not being overly paranoid. Maybe they’re not discriminating against you for being gay; there are a wealth of reasons why people get bad service, you know. But let’s say that you’re sure. Now what? Well, of course you can confront the person, but remember what it is you want to get out of this situation. If a hotel doesn’t want you there, do you really want to try to talk them into it? It’s your call.
    You may have legal recourse—but it’s a
very
big
may.
According to Washington, D.C., attorney Craig Dean, “Unless your locality, county, or state has a human rights act on the books that specifically prohibits discrimination based on sexual orientation, you don’t have a case.” Currently, twenty-one states ban discrimination based on sexual orientation and/or gender identity.
Going All the Way Gay
    We decided to go all-gay because we didn’t want any flack from anyone. So we only used gay merchants. And they were all so supportive. There were gay men and lesbians behind the counter saying how wonderful it is, and we got feedback from them. We really felt like we were part of this great, loving community.
    â€”Mary
    Some couples feel that it’s both politically correct and socially responsible to put their money into gay-owned businesses. Okay, but how do you find gay businesses? Of course you can go online and search there. Another good source is the gay yellow pages, aka the Community Yellow Pages—local non-telephone-company-issued phone books that list businesses that cater to a gay clientele.There is also an online national directory called GayLesbianDirectory.com , which gives numbers of services in areas ranging from Honolulu, Hawaii, to Dover, Delaware. Look through local gay periodicals (pay special attention to the classifieds) as well as night-life handouts. Call or write the gay and lesbian center nearest to where you live. Even if they’re in a city a hundred miles away, they should be able to point you in the right direction. And, of course, don’t forget word of mouth; ask around, because you never know what you might find.
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    Consumer Alert
    ALTHOUGH THERE ARE good reasons to support gay-owned businesses, let the buyer beware.
    The fact that a business is advertised in a