The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings

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Authors: Tess Ayers, Paul Brown
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left, he told us that he once rented the chapel for a cross-dresser wedding but that no one there was gay.
    â€”Beth and Patty, 1994

    There was a country club where I had wanted my wedding ever since I can remember, but through the years I guess I figured it would never happen. Then Brit said, Let’s just call and see how they react. So when she called and made an appointment, she said that there would be a lot of gay people
in the wedding party. The person said that it wouldn’t be a problem. But I’m thinking,
Sure, we told them we’ve got some gay friends, but that’s not the same as two brides.
So we called them back and told them that it was going to be a lesbian wedding, and was that a problem? They were fine with it. It just goes to show you, you just might get what you ask for.
    â€”Pam, 2001

    Jane made a cake top for us that had the two of us wearing wedding gowns and holding hands, with our two cats sitting on either side. We thought we’d put it on when we brought the cake home. But the bakery owner, who no doubt assumed that I was ordering a cake for myself and my groom, advised me to bring the top in so that they could decorate around it. When I brought the top in, I had it in a box. The owner was sitting having coffee with two older women, and told me to take it out so she could see it. I took a deep breath, removed it from the box, and set it on the table. The three of them examined it for what seemed like hours. Then one of the older women asked, “What kinds of cats are those?”
    â€”Tess, 1992

Part 2
Wedding Logistics

FOUR
And Away We Go!

Taking Action
    If you really want something, you can figure out how to make it happen.
    â€”C HER

    C ONGRATULATIONS ! Y OU’RE GETTING married. Hey, that’s great. You’re flush with excitement, you have sweaty palms, your heart goes pitter-pat when your fiancé/fiancée walks into the room. Charming. Are you so much in love that the rest of the world just disappears? Are your penny loafers floating on air? Are you spending all your free time practicing your new hyphenated signature? Uh-oh…
    Earth to reader!
    Earth to reader!
    It’s time to snap out of it and get this show on the road. Or, maybe you want to take a few hours this afternoon and watch episodes of
Bridezilla
just to get in the mood? Okay, go ahead. But as soon as the last end credits roll, you’ve got some mondo decisions to make.
----
    Communication Alert
    THE WHOLE PROCEDURE of wedding planning can run the couple through a maze of overbearing florists, insistent relatives, and understaffed caterers, all with their own agendas. Everybody knows what’s right for your wedding. You may find out how your future mother-in-law really feels about you taking her baby away from her. And you may discover yourselves bickering over whether or not to give out those Jordan almonds in little net bags tied with customized ribbons reading, “Jonathan and Max, Our Music Begins.” Emotions run high and everyone tends to get a bit crazy.
----
    How to avoid Wedding Hell? Work hard to keep the lines of communication open. If you’re not a very verbal person, this may be the onetime in your life to make the effort to be more vocal. Dip into those old standbys—negotiation and compromise. Know that the bottom line is to decide what’s in the best interest of both of you, and that (sorry to break this to you) you can’t have your own way all the time. Try, whenever possible, to put your partner first; don’t let your altar ego get in the way. If you have your heart set on saying your vows on a romantic cruise ship but your partner turns green just looking at a Jacuzzi, look for a more neutral setting. You’re planning the celebration of your togetherness; you’re a team, so act like one.
    Cross our hearts, this is not a sexist remark: this whole thing may come easier to you if you’re a lesbian couple than if

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