Read Online The Awakening of Poppy Edwards by Marguerite Kaye - Free Book Online
Authors: Marguerite Kaye
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was frowning, a deep frown. And muttering to himself. And then he came back and sat down beside me. The closest he’d been to me since that day in the restaurant. I ached to touch him. I had no idea whether he wanted me to or not, so I just sat there, waiting.
And then he told me. About the war. His war. And the months afterwards. Terrible things. Horrible things. Not new, but told in a new way. I took his hand. His fingers gripped so tight. ‘But I made it,’ he said to me. ‘I was one of the lucky ones. That’s what I kept saying, over and over, that I was lucky. That I had to do something with that. And I thought I had. Okay, I haven’t invented a new medicine or played a hand in getting votes for women, but movies and plays, you have to get good things out of the war, too, don’t you? Not that the movies came out of the war, but…’
‘People need fun, don’t they?’ I said, thinking of all the revues that played in the West End at home, all the theatres that Daisy wouldn’t sing in.
‘Exactly. So that’s what I thought, see, that I hadn’t wasted it. That I’d helped get some good out of it, but then…’ He picked up a cushion, turned it over in his hand, put it back down. ‘Then you asked me, what’s your excuse.’
‘I’m sorry. God, Lewis, I am so sorry. I had no idea—’
‘No, you didn’t, because I made sure you didn’t.’ He tried to smile, but his mouth wavered. ‘I didn’t tell you, not just because I didn’t want you to know.
I
didn’t want to know. And then you asked me and I sat in my office all night thinking about it.’
‘Lewis. Oh, Lewis, I didn’t mean to upset you. If I had just—but I was so hurt, and…’
‘Yeah, I know that now, too.’ This time his smile was a bit more successful. His fingers curled round mine. ‘Took me awhile to get there, but I did in the end, and I can’t tell you how relieved I was.’
‘Relieved? That I was hurt?’
‘Not that you were hurt, but that you cared. Because I do, too, Poppy. That’s what I came here to tell you. I’m in love with you.’
My mind was still trying to take in all the other things he’d told me. I was running to catch up. I didn’t notice what he’d said at first. And then my brain just stopped.
Lewis
I said it, and she blanked me. Then I realised she was most likely shocked. ‘Poppy, I’m in love with you.’ She stared. I hadn’t meant to blurt it out. No wonder she stared. I guess it had been in my head for so many days now, I was used to it. I guess it was a shock. Then I started to worry that it was a bad shock. ‘What I’ve been trying to explain—’
‘You’re in love with me?’
‘Yeah.’
‘But you said—you don’t believe in that, Lewis.’
‘Didn’t. Wouldn’t. What I’ve been trying to say is…’ I stopped again. What the hell was I trying to say? I was so tempted just to kiss her, but we’d done that, and she’d just think I wanted her, which I did, but I didn’t just want that. ‘What’s kept me going all these years since the war is thinking that I was making something positive out of it. What I didn’t know until you forced my eyes open, until I thought I might lose you, is that I was letting it make a coward of me. Scared. I was damned scared, every bit as scared as you, though I couldn’t have said exactly why, the way you can. I couldn’t have given you one single reason. I still can’t, but I can try.’
‘You don’t have to.’
‘I want to.’ And I did, but it was like herding cats, trying to make sense of all those feelings. ‘It was the dying for no reason. It was the way death is so unfair. You’re in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or you don’t shoot fast enough. Or the ambulance you’re in hits a pothole and your wound opens and the driver is too worried about getting the stupid wreck of a thing to the hospital so he can go back for more to check on what’s happening. I’d open those doors and sometimes they’d all be dead.
And then he told me. About the war. His war. And the months afterwards. Terrible things. Horrible things. Not new, but told in a new way. I took his hand. His fingers gripped so tight. ‘But I made it,’ he said to me. ‘I was one of the lucky ones. That’s what I kept saying, over and over, that I was lucky. That I had to do something with that. And I thought I had. Okay, I haven’t invented a new medicine or played a hand in getting votes for women, but movies and plays, you have to get good things out of the war, too, don’t you? Not that the movies came out of the war, but…’
‘People need fun, don’t they?’ I said, thinking of all the revues that played in the West End at home, all the theatres that Daisy wouldn’t sing in.
‘Exactly. So that’s what I thought, see, that I hadn’t wasted it. That I’d helped get some good out of it, but then…’ He picked up a cushion, turned it over in his hand, put it back down. ‘Then you asked me, what’s your excuse.’
‘I’m sorry. God, Lewis, I am so sorry. I had no idea—’
‘No, you didn’t, because I made sure you didn’t.’ He tried to smile, but his mouth wavered. ‘I didn’t tell you, not just because I didn’t want you to know.
I
didn’t want to know. And then you asked me and I sat in my office all night thinking about it.’
‘Lewis. Oh, Lewis, I didn’t mean to upset you. If I had just—but I was so hurt, and…’
‘Yeah, I know that now, too.’ This time his smile was a bit more successful. His fingers curled round mine. ‘Took me awhile to get there, but I did in the end, and I can’t tell you how relieved I was.’
‘Relieved? That I was hurt?’
‘Not that you were hurt, but that you cared. Because I do, too, Poppy. That’s what I came here to tell you. I’m in love with you.’
My mind was still trying to take in all the other things he’d told me. I was running to catch up. I didn’t notice what he’d said at first. And then my brain just stopped.
Lewis
I said it, and she blanked me. Then I realised she was most likely shocked. ‘Poppy, I’m in love with you.’ She stared. I hadn’t meant to blurt it out. No wonder she stared. I guess it had been in my head for so many days now, I was used to it. I guess it was a shock. Then I started to worry that it was a bad shock. ‘What I’ve been trying to explain—’
‘You’re in love with me?’
‘Yeah.’
‘But you said—you don’t believe in that, Lewis.’
‘Didn’t. Wouldn’t. What I’ve been trying to say is…’ I stopped again. What the hell was I trying to say? I was so tempted just to kiss her, but we’d done that, and she’d just think I wanted her, which I did, but I didn’t just want that. ‘What’s kept me going all these years since the war is thinking that I was making something positive out of it. What I didn’t know until you forced my eyes open, until I thought I might lose you, is that I was letting it make a coward of me. Scared. I was damned scared, every bit as scared as you, though I couldn’t have said exactly why, the way you can. I couldn’t have given you one single reason. I still can’t, but I can try.’
‘You don’t have to.’
‘I want to.’ And I did, but it was like herding cats, trying to make sense of all those feelings. ‘It was the dying for no reason. It was the way death is so unfair. You’re in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or you don’t shoot fast enough. Or the ambulance you’re in hits a pothole and your wound opens and the driver is too worried about getting the stupid wreck of a thing to the hospital so he can go back for more to check on what’s happening. I’d open those doors and sometimes they’d all be dead.
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