Read Online Diary of a Wimpy Kid by Jeff Kinney - Free Book Online

here for an hour!"
    I went down to Mr. Winsky's office and signed myself up, and I got Rowley to sign up, too. I thought Mr. Winsky would make us do a bunch of chin-ups or jumping jacks or something to prove we were up for the job, but he just handed us our belts and badges on the spot.
    [Image: a cartoon showing a man talking to two boys.]
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    Mr. Winsky said the openings were for a special assignment. Our school is right next to the elementary school, and they've got a half-day kindergarten there.
    He wants us to walk the morning session kids home in the middle of the day. I realized that meant we would miss twenty minutes of Pre-Algebra. Rowley must have figured that out, too, because he started to speak up. But I gave him a wicked pinch underneath the desk before he could finish his sentence.
    [Image: a cartoon showing two boys talking to their teacher.] The Caption reads: " But we would miss Yahooey!"
    I couldn't believe my luck. I was getting instant bully protection and a free pass from half of Pre-Algebra, and I didn't even have to lift a finger.
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    Tuesday

    Today was our first day as Safety Patrols. Me and Rowley don't technically have stations like all the other Patrols, so that means we don't have to stand out in the freezing cold for an hour before school.
    But that didn't stop us from coming to the cafeteria for the free hot chocolate they hand out to the other Patrols before homeroom.
    [Image: a cartoon showing children in the cafeteria.] The Caption reads: " Clink"
    Another great perk is that you get to show up ten minutes late for first period.
    [Image: a cartoon showing a boy entering the classroom.] The Caption reads: " Hel-lo!"
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    I'm telling you, I've got it made with this Safety Patrol thing.
    At 12:15, me and Rowley left school and walked the kindergartners home. The whole trip ate up forty-five minutes, and there were only twenty minutes of Pre-Algebra left when we got back.
    Walking the kids home was no sweat. But one of the kindergartners started to smell a little funny, and I think maybe he had an accident in his pants.
    He tried to let me know about it, but I just stared straight ahead and kept walking. I'll take these kids home, but believe me, I didn't sign up for any diaper duty.
    [Image: a cartoon showing children in a line.] The Caption reads: " Tug Tug"
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    FEBRUARY

    Wednesday

    Today it snowed for the first time this winter, and school was canceled. We were supposed to have a test in Pre-Algebra, and I've kind of slacked off ever since I became a Safety Patrol. So I was psyched.
    [Image: a cartoon showing a boy looking out of the window.]
    I called Rowley and told him to come over. Me and him have been talking about building the world's biggest snowman for the past couple of years now.
    And when I say the world's biggest snowman, I'm not kidding. Our goal is to get into the "Guinness Book of World Records."
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    [Image: a cartoon showing two boys making a snowman.] The Caption reads: " Flash"
    But every time we've gotten serious about going for the record, all the snow has melted, and we've missed our window of opportunity. So this year, I wanted to get started right away.
    When Rowley came over, we started rolling the first snowball to make the base. I figured the base was going to have to be at least eight feet tall on its own if we wanted to have a shot at breaking the record. But the snowball got real heavy, and we had to take a bunch of breaks in between rolls so we could catch our breath.
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    [Image: a cartoon showing two boys pushing a snowball.] The Caption reads: " Grunt!
    Wheeze!"
    During one of our breaks, Mom came outside to go to the grocery store, but our snowball was blocking her car in. So we got a little free labor out of her.
    [Image: a cartoon showing Mom trying to remove the snowball.] The Caption reads: " Grunt!
    Wheeze!"
    After our break, me and Rowley pushed that snowball until we couldn't push it any farther. But when we looked behind us, we saw the mess