Read Online Out of Mind by Jen McLaughlin - Free Book Online

meds, damn it. “Why are you taking this? What aren’t you telling me?”
    “My heart is acting up.” Dad took his medication back and dropped it into the bag. “It’s not a huge surprise. Your grandfather had issues, too.”
    “Yeah. I remember.” I swallowed hard. It was all coming together now. “And he died of a heart attack. Did you have a heart attack? Is that why you didn’t come to California when the senator did?”
    Dad flushed. “Yes.”
    Anger rushed through me, red-hot and burning everything in its path. It collided with the ice-cold fear also coursing through my veins, creating a monstrous storm within me. “And you didn’t tell me because…?”
    “Can I at least come inside before you ask me a million questions?” He huddled into his coat, his bright red cheeks looking chafed. “I’m freezing.”
    I hadn’t even realized I still stood in the doorway with the door wide open, blocking his entry. I backed out of it and looked over my shoulder. Carrie’s parents were gone, but Carrie still stood there. She looked unsure of her welcome. I met her eyes. “Did you know about this?”
    “I didn’t know , but I suspected.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t have confirmation. We were going to talk to him today, remember?”
    I nodded once. “Yeah. I remember. You didn’t remind me, though, like you promised you would.”
    “I’m sorry. I—”
    “Can we talk in my room, son?” Dad came inside and closed the door, looking at me with disappointment clear in his blue eyes. “I’m exhausted.”
    “Of course.” I forgot all about being pissed he didn’t tell me about his illness. He looked even paler than he’d been, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was acting as if he was feeling much better than he actually was. You know, like me . “Let’s go. Did you eat dinner?”
    “Of course I did.” Dad rolled his eyes and shuffled toward the stairs. He looked weaker than ever. Same gray hair. Same blue eyes. But so much fucking older. “I have a bad heart, not a bad stomach.”
    I forced a laugh. “That’s true. You were never one to skip a meal.”
    “And I never will,” he said, laughing along with me.
    As soon as he turned around, the smile on my face disappeared. I stopped at Carrie’s side and leaned down until my mouth was a whisper away from her ear. “We’ll talk later.”
    She caught my hand. “Take it easy on him. He’s worried about you.”
    “And I’m worried about him.” I watched him climb the stairs, one slow step at a time. The pain pills finally kicked in, giving Dad a weird shimmery haze around him. Almost like an aura—or what I guessed an aura looked like. Fuck if I actually knew. “I just want to know all the details. Then I’ll let him sleep.”
    “Okay.” She rose up on tiptoe and kissed me. “I’ll see you soon.”
    “I’ll be waiting.”
    “The sun is finally shining,” she said softly.
    I tensed. “Yeah, it is,” I managed to say through my swollen throat.
    Not because it made me happy, but because it made her happy. Those words used to mean so much to me when she said that, but now it brought back memories of men dying. Of Dotter’s blood squirting all over my face and in my mouth. It meant something completely different to her—and it sucked that was the case now.
    Fuck, I wished…
    I wished we could go back.
    We made it into his room, and I switched the light on. I hadn’t been in his room since we got here. I’d been so absorbed in what I’d been dealing with that I totally missed all the signs. That’s the kind of man I’d become. A whole shitload of orange pill bottles sat by his bed. I walked up to them and ran my fingers over the lineup. “You should have told me.”
    “What good would it have done? When it’s our time to die, it’s our time. There’s nothing you or anyone can do to stop it.”
    I threw the covers back off his bed. “Lay down.”
    “I will.” He