Read Online Our Eternal Curse I by Simon Rumney - Free Book Online Page A

end of the war Julia was
acting like a more confident person able to maintain stability for minutes,
sometimes hours.  She desperately wanted to believe Cecilia when she told her
that she was a beautiful person with much to offer but invariably slid back
into her insecure state of mind after even the most fleeting of negative
thoughts.  Julia’s situation was akin to changing a devout person’s religious
belief.  After a lifetime of worshiping the same Gods, one can argue with the
believer, one can tell them that their faith is wrong even that their Gods do
not exist.  The believer may even try to see your point of view but deep down
they just instinctively know that you’re wrong.  Julia’s misguided neuroses had
reached this category of a faith and was far too deeply held to be changed by a
well-meaning house slave like Cecilia.
    Much to Cecilia’s frustration
telling Julia that she was extremely intelligent was just as futile.  She
simply believed deep in her core that she wasn’t bright because her parents had
conditioned her to think that way.  Cecilia refused to believe Julia when she
said that she felt ugly and stupid, how could she?  Her eyes did not lie, she
had spent months caring for her wonderfully well-formed body with its clear,
soft skin, Julia possessed beauty without comparison and a remarkable ability
to learn, it was all irrefutable evidence and Cecilia never gave up trying to
convince the girl she had grown to love like a daughter.
    By way of humoring Cecilia,
Julia developed a persona of pretence and inevitably her clever but warped mind
took the next step.  It dawned on her that if she could fool someone as close
as Cecilia she may also be able to fool others into believing that she had
worth.  This idea grew into a distorted plan and Julia’s new life began with
this major flaw as its basis.  Leaving Sulla’s home for the first time in many
months she set off to test her warped theory.
    Calpurnius the jeweler was happy
to see Julia return after such a long absence.  He had been wondering if the
war harmed her in some way but now she was coming back to his shop each day to
spend time with the “lions” she still worshiped.  He noticed the change in her,
there was a confidence which had not existed before and something else,
something he could only describe as a hunger.  Before the war she was content
with trying on her favorite piece but now she spoke constantly about the day she
would be able to purchase her “lions”.  Calpurnius did not know it but Julia’s
growing obsession was born of her inability to accept herself as an
impoverished, parentless concubine.  She now craved security which in her
damaged mind translated to wealth and possessions.
    “ Everything will be fine when I have enough money to
buy my ‘lions’ I will be happy then,” she told Calpurnius.  He wondered where a
humble housemaid was going to get such a large amount of money but as always he
humored Julia because he enjoyed trying to sell jewelry to the men who came
into get a closer look at her beauty.
    With growing strength Julia
began using her more frequent shopping trips to build her confidence by talking
to everyone she met.  Whenever possible she engaged the refugees who had fled
Italy during the war in long conversations.  There were so many of them each
with a tragic story to tell and Julia drained them all of any information that
may be useful.
    As herself assurance grew she
became an accomplished conversationalist and an authority on the subject of
Italian life.  As more and more people were apparently fooled by her contrived
self-belief Julia hatched a plan which grew in parallel with her poise and when
she eventually told Cecilia the plot her surrogate guardian marveled at its
simplicity.
    “ I am the daughter of a Roman merchant from
Brundisium in the south of Italy.  My father was killed during the war and I am
now living with my mother in Rome,” said Julia quite