Read Online Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids by Rob Elliott - Free Book Online
Authors: Rob Elliott
Tags: JNF028020
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1
Q & A JOKES
Q: Why did the robber wash his clothes before he ran away with the loot?
A: He wanted to make a clean getaway.
Q: How does a skeleton call his friends?
A: On the tele-bone.
Q: What is the richest kind of air?
A: A millionaire.
Q: Who keeps the ocean clean?
A: The mermaid.
Q: Why did the invisible man turn down a job offer?
A: He just couldn’t see himself doing it.
Q: Why did the skeleton drink eight glasses of milk every day?
A: Milk is good for the bones.
Q: Why did Johnny jump up and down before he drank his juice?
A: The carton said to “shake well before drinking.”
Q: What is a baby’s favorite reptile?
A: A rattlesnake.
Q: What does a snowman eat for breakfast?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: Where do generals keep their armies?
A: In their sleevies.
Q: How do you make a hot dog stand?
A: Take away its chair.
Q: What kind of balls don’t bounce?
A: Eyeballs.
Q: Why can’t you play hide-and-seek with mountains?
A: Because they’re always peaking.
Q: What did the bride say when she dropped her bouquet?
A: “Whoopsy-Daisies.”
Q: Why did Jimmy’s parents scream when they saw his grades?
A: Because he had a bee on his report card.
Q: What do you call a stick that won’t do anything you want?
A: A stick-in-the-mud.
Q: What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
A: Bacon and legs.
Q: What do you get when you cross a tiger and a snowman?
A: Frostbite!
Q: What is a duck on the Fourth of July?
A: A fire-quacker.
Q: Why did the credit card go to jail?
A: It was guilty as charged.
Q: What would we get if we threw all the books in the ocean?
A: A title wave!
Q: What do you call a liar on the phone?
A: A telephony.
Q: What do peanut butter and jelly do around the campfire?
A: They tell toast stories.
Q: What did the baker say when he found the dough he’d lost?
A: “That’s just what I kneaded!”
Q: Why did the flashlight, the camera, and the remote-controlled car attend the funeral?
A: They were grieving the dead batteries.
Q: Why wouldn’t the team play with the third basketball?
A: Because it was an odd ball.
Q: Where do electric bills like to go on vacation?
A: I-Owe-A (Iowa).
Q: Why did the queen go to the dentist?
A: To get crowns on her teeth.
Q: How did the lobster get to the ocean?
A: By shell-icopter.
Q: When does the road get angry?
A: When someone crosses it.
Q: Why was the king only a foot tall?
A: Because he was a ruler.
Q: What did the robber say when he stole from the bookstore?
A: “I had better book it out of here.”
Q: Why did Sally’s computer keep sneezing?
A: It had a virus.
Q: When do doctors get mad?
A: When they lose their patients (patience).
Q: Why did Jimmy throw the clock out the window?
A: He wanted to see time fly.
Q: What language does a billboard speak?
A: Sign language.
Q: Why didn’t the girl trust the ocean?
A: There was something fishy about it.
Q: What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
A: Cuatro sinko.
Q: How did the baseball player lose his house?
A: He made his home run.
Q: Who was the only person in the Bible without a father?
A: Joshua, because he was the son of Nun (none).
Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A: He wanted some cold hard cash.
Q: What did the one-dollar bill say to the ten-dollar bill?
A: You don’t make any cents (sense).
Q: What happens when race car drivers eat too much?
A: They get Indy-gestion.
Q: Why do baseball pitchers stay away from caves?
A: They don’t like bats.
Q: What kind of tree has the best bark?
A: A dogwood.
Q: What kind of makeup do pirate girls wear?
A: Ship gloss.
Q: When do you need Chapstick in the garden?
A: When you’re planting the tulips (two lips).
Q: Why did the trees take a nap?
A: For rest (forest).
Q: What is a zucchini’s favorite game?
A: Squash.
Q: Why wouldn’t the lion eat the clown?
A: He tasted funny.
Q: What kinds of hats do you wear on your legs?
A: Knee caps.
Q: How do
Q & A JOKES
Q: Why did the robber wash his clothes before he ran away with the loot?
A: He wanted to make a clean getaway.
Q: How does a skeleton call his friends?
A: On the tele-bone.
Q: What is the richest kind of air?
A: A millionaire.
Q: Who keeps the ocean clean?
A: The mermaid.
Q: Why did the invisible man turn down a job offer?
A: He just couldn’t see himself doing it.
Q: Why did the skeleton drink eight glasses of milk every day?
A: Milk is good for the bones.
Q: Why did Johnny jump up and down before he drank his juice?
A: The carton said to “shake well before drinking.”
Q: What is a baby’s favorite reptile?
A: A rattlesnake.
Q: What does a snowman eat for breakfast?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: Where do generals keep their armies?
A: In their sleevies.
Q: How do you make a hot dog stand?
A: Take away its chair.
Q: What kind of balls don’t bounce?
A: Eyeballs.
Q: Why can’t you play hide-and-seek with mountains?
A: Because they’re always peaking.
Q: What did the bride say when she dropped her bouquet?
A: “Whoopsy-Daisies.”
Q: Why did Jimmy’s parents scream when they saw his grades?
A: Because he had a bee on his report card.
Q: What do you call a stick that won’t do anything you want?
A: A stick-in-the-mud.
Q: What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
A: Bacon and legs.
Q: What do you get when you cross a tiger and a snowman?
A: Frostbite!
Q: What is a duck on the Fourth of July?
A: A fire-quacker.
Q: Why did the credit card go to jail?
A: It was guilty as charged.
Q: What would we get if we threw all the books in the ocean?
A: A title wave!
Q: What do you call a liar on the phone?
A: A telephony.
Q: What do peanut butter and jelly do around the campfire?
A: They tell toast stories.
Q: What did the baker say when he found the dough he’d lost?
A: “That’s just what I kneaded!”
Q: Why did the flashlight, the camera, and the remote-controlled car attend the funeral?
A: They were grieving the dead batteries.
Q: Why wouldn’t the team play with the third basketball?
A: Because it was an odd ball.
Q: Where do electric bills like to go on vacation?
A: I-Owe-A (Iowa).
Q: Why did the queen go to the dentist?
A: To get crowns on her teeth.
Q: How did the lobster get to the ocean?
A: By shell-icopter.
Q: When does the road get angry?
A: When someone crosses it.
Q: Why was the king only a foot tall?
A: Because he was a ruler.
Q: What did the robber say when he stole from the bookstore?
A: “I had better book it out of here.”
Q: Why did Sally’s computer keep sneezing?
A: It had a virus.
Q: When do doctors get mad?
A: When they lose their patients (patience).
Q: Why did Jimmy throw the clock out the window?
A: He wanted to see time fly.
Q: What language does a billboard speak?
A: Sign language.
Q: Why didn’t the girl trust the ocean?
A: There was something fishy about it.
Q: What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
A: Cuatro sinko.
Q: How did the baseball player lose his house?
A: He made his home run.
Q: Who was the only person in the Bible without a father?
A: Joshua, because he was the son of Nun (none).
Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A: He wanted some cold hard cash.
Q: What did the one-dollar bill say to the ten-dollar bill?
A: You don’t make any cents (sense).
Q: What happens when race car drivers eat too much?
A: They get Indy-gestion.
Q: Why do baseball pitchers stay away from caves?
A: They don’t like bats.
Q: What kind of tree has the best bark?
A: A dogwood.
Q: What kind of makeup do pirate girls wear?
A: Ship gloss.
Q: When do you need Chapstick in the garden?
A: When you’re planting the tulips (two lips).
Q: Why did the trees take a nap?
A: For rest (forest).
Q: What is a zucchini’s favorite game?
A: Squash.
Q: Why wouldn’t the lion eat the clown?
A: He tasted funny.
Q: What kinds of hats do you wear on your legs?
A: Knee caps.
Q: How do
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