Read Online Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids by Rob Elliott - Free Book Online Page A

you reach a book in an emergency?
    A: Call its pager.
    Q: Who helped the monster go to the ball?
    A: Its scary godmother.
    Q: Why did the banana wear sunscreen at the beach?
    A: It didn’t want to peel.
    Q: Where does a ship go when it’s not feeling well?
    A: To see the dock-tor.
    Q: Why was the nose feeling sad?
    A: It was tired of getting picked on.
    Q: What did the elevator say to its friend?
    A: “I think I’m coming down with something.”
    Q: Why did Billy have a hot dog in his shoe?
    A: It was a foot-long.
    Q: What gets wet while it dries?
    A: A towel.
    Q: How did the farmer fix his jeans?
    A: With a cabbage patch.
    Q: What do you call a silly doorbell?
    A: A ding-dong.
    Q: What did the sock say to the foot?
    A: “Shoe!”
    Q: When do you stop at green and go on red?
    A: When you’re eating a watermelon.
    Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other?
    A: “Let’s stick together.”
    Q: What did one wall say to the other?
    A: “Let’s meet at the corner!”
    Q: Did you hear about the red ship and blue ship that collided?
    A: All the sailors were marooned.
    Q: Why did the girl need a ladder to go to school?
    A: Because it was high school.
    Q: What do sea monsters eat?
    A: Fish and ships.
    Q: What does a computer do when it’s tired?
    A: It crashes.
    Q: What did the tooth fairy use to fix her wand?
    A: Toothpaste.
    Q: Why did the computer get glasses?
    A: To improve his web sight.
    Q: What stays in the corner but travels all over the world?
    A: A stamp.
    Q: What did the computer say when it fell into quicksand?
    A: “Help me! I’m syncing!”
    Q: What do you get when you have two doctors at once?
    A: Pair-a-medics.
    Q: What should you do when you get in a jam?
    A: Grab some bread and peanut butter.
    Q: How can you go surfing in the kitchen?
    A: On a micro-wave.
    Q: Why was everyone looking up at the ceiling and cheering?
    A: They were ceiling fans.
    Q: Why did the cowboy go out and buy a wiener dog?
    A: Because someone told him to “get a long , little doggie.”
    Q: What is a trombone’s favorite playground equipment?
    A: The slide.
    Q: How can you keep someone in suspense?
    A: I’ll tell you later.
    Q: What happened to the beans when they showed up late to work?
    A: They got canned.
    Q: Why can’t you take anything balloons say seriously?
    A: They’re always full of hot air.
    Q: What happens when you phone a clown three times?
    A: You get a three-ring circus.
    Q: What do you get when you have breakfast with a centipede?
    A: Pancakes and legs.
    Q: What do you call someone who is afraid of picnics?
    A: A basket case.
    Q: How does an Eskimo fix his broken toys?
    A: With igloo.
    Q: What kind of flowers are great friends?
    A: Rose buds.
    Q: What do you get when you cross a tuba, a drum, and a spare tire?
    A: A rubber band.
    Q: Why did the lady sing lullabies to her purse?
    A: She wanted a sleeping bag.
    Q: What did the orange say to the banana when they were looking for the apple?
    A: Keep your eyes peeled.
    Q: Did you hear about the teacher who was cross-eyed?
    A: She couldn’t control her pupils.
    Q: What kinds of teeth cost money?
    A: Buck teeth.
    Q: What do you call a dentist who cleans an alligator’s teeth?
    A: Crazy!
    Q: If a snake married an undertaker, what would they embroider on their towels?
    A: Hiss and Hearse (his and hers).
    Q: What is the difference between boogers and broccoli?
    A: Kids won’t eat their broccoli.
    Q: What do elves learn in kindergarten?
    A: The elf-abet.
    Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
    A: In case he got a hole in one.
    Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the ball?
    A: He had no body to dance with.
    Q: What kind of beans don’t grow in a garden?
    A: Jelly beans.
    Q: Why can’t a nose be twelve inches long?
    A: If it was, then it would be a foot.
    Q: When does your dinner never get hot?
    A: When it’s chili.
    Q: Why did the boys shoot their BB guns in the air?
    A: They wanted to shoot the breeze.
    Q: Why were the Cheerios scared of the man?
    A: He was a