Read Online How to Make Love All Night (and Drive Your Woman Wild) (And Drive a Woman Wild : Male Multiple Orgasm and Other Secrets for Prolonged Lovemaking) by Ph.D. Barbara Keesling - Free Book Online
Authors: Ph.D. Barbara Keesling
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sex loses its spark is because of the way we all rush through the process. As far as I’m concerned, most people are having sex too darn fast.
It seems as though everyone is in such a hurry to get to the point of orgasm that they are missing all of the wonderful things that happen to their body, and to their partner’s body, along the way. If you want to make your sex life more exciting and more erotic, I think the very first thing you need to do is stop rushing. And that’s where sensate focus comes in.
Sensate focus techniques slow you down. They take you into your body and into your partner’s body in ways you have probably never experienced before. I think fantasies are wonderful, but fantasies tend to take us out of our bodies and into our heads. Sometimes, I think that can be the wrong direction. Personally, I think that what we really need to enhance our experience of sex is not more fantasy, 72 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.
but a much bigger dose of reality. Sensate focus gives you that reality. It focuses your attention and your energy and lets you appreciate every single erotic nuance of your arousal and your partner’s arousal. To me, that’s the ultimate aphrodisiac.
Play by the Rules
Before we begin, you need to know the three rules of sensate focus:
RULE 1: Pay attention to exactly where you are touching or where you are being touched. Try to stay as focused as possible.
RULE 2: Stay in the here and now. Don’t think about what happened last week or what could happen next Thursday.
Try to let go of anything that is not happening at this very moment.
RULE 3: Don’t put any pressure on yourself. If you’re working with a partner, don’t put any pressure on her either.
Sex therapists call this “nondemand interaction.” I will call the sensate focus exercises “demand-free” or “pressure-free”
exercises. There are no grades here, no good and bad, no right or wrong, just touching and being touched.
Preparing for the Exercises
From this point forward, I recommend you do all of the exercises in the book in a quiet room that is free from distractions. You are going to need a comfort-
HOW TO MAKE LOVE ALL NIGHT / 73
able bed (you may prefer a comfortable chair for the solo exercises). You are also going to need some K-Y jelly, baby oil, massage oil, cream, or other lubricant. Be sure to use a lubricant that does not irritate the genitals—for women, K-Y jelly is usually the safest choice. Keep a clean towel handy.
If you use condoms, have them by the bedside within easy reach.
You may find it helpful to have a clock to keep you from completely losing track of the time. If there is a telephone in the room, turn it off. If there are children in the house, they should be sound asleep or with a babysitter. The room should be lit according to your preferences, but I don’t recommend playing any music. You need to focus as much as possible on the sensations you are about to experience.
If you were learning these techniques at our offices, the setup would be no different. We provide a quiet room with a bed, lubricants, clock, towel, etc. There is no special equipment that is required.
Learning the Genital Caress
There are many different sensate focus techniques. For the purposes of this book, however, there is only one technique that you need to learn: the genital caress. You can learn the sensate focus genital caress with a partner (Exercise 4) or by yourself (Exercise 5). You are going to need about one hour for Exercise 4 and thirty minutes for Exercise 5.
74 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.
Exercise 4: Touch of Heaven (with a partner) In this exercise, one partner will play the active role while the other plays the passive role. Then you will switch in the middle so no one feels shortchanged.
Let’s say that the woman is going to be the passive partner first. The first thing she needs to do is lie on her back and get very comfortable. She needs to take her time and get completely relaxed.
It seems as though everyone is in such a hurry to get to the point of orgasm that they are missing all of the wonderful things that happen to their body, and to their partner’s body, along the way. If you want to make your sex life more exciting and more erotic, I think the very first thing you need to do is stop rushing. And that’s where sensate focus comes in.
Sensate focus techniques slow you down. They take you into your body and into your partner’s body in ways you have probably never experienced before. I think fantasies are wonderful, but fantasies tend to take us out of our bodies and into our heads. Sometimes, I think that can be the wrong direction. Personally, I think that what we really need to enhance our experience of sex is not more fantasy, 72 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.
but a much bigger dose of reality. Sensate focus gives you that reality. It focuses your attention and your energy and lets you appreciate every single erotic nuance of your arousal and your partner’s arousal. To me, that’s the ultimate aphrodisiac.
Play by the Rules
Before we begin, you need to know the three rules of sensate focus:
RULE 1: Pay attention to exactly where you are touching or where you are being touched. Try to stay as focused as possible.
RULE 2: Stay in the here and now. Don’t think about what happened last week or what could happen next Thursday.
Try to let go of anything that is not happening at this very moment.
RULE 3: Don’t put any pressure on yourself. If you’re working with a partner, don’t put any pressure on her either.
Sex therapists call this “nondemand interaction.” I will call the sensate focus exercises “demand-free” or “pressure-free”
exercises. There are no grades here, no good and bad, no right or wrong, just touching and being touched.
Preparing for the Exercises
From this point forward, I recommend you do all of the exercises in the book in a quiet room that is free from distractions. You are going to need a comfort-
HOW TO MAKE LOVE ALL NIGHT / 73
able bed (you may prefer a comfortable chair for the solo exercises). You are also going to need some K-Y jelly, baby oil, massage oil, cream, or other lubricant. Be sure to use a lubricant that does not irritate the genitals—for women, K-Y jelly is usually the safest choice. Keep a clean towel handy.
If you use condoms, have them by the bedside within easy reach.
You may find it helpful to have a clock to keep you from completely losing track of the time. If there is a telephone in the room, turn it off. If there are children in the house, they should be sound asleep or with a babysitter. The room should be lit according to your preferences, but I don’t recommend playing any music. You need to focus as much as possible on the sensations you are about to experience.
If you were learning these techniques at our offices, the setup would be no different. We provide a quiet room with a bed, lubricants, clock, towel, etc. There is no special equipment that is required.
Learning the Genital Caress
There are many different sensate focus techniques. For the purposes of this book, however, there is only one technique that you need to learn: the genital caress. You can learn the sensate focus genital caress with a partner (Exercise 4) or by yourself (Exercise 5). You are going to need about one hour for Exercise 4 and thirty minutes for Exercise 5.
74 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.
Exercise 4: Touch of Heaven (with a partner) In this exercise, one partner will play the active role while the other plays the passive role. Then you will switch in the middle so no one feels shortchanged.
Let’s say that the woman is going to be the passive partner first. The first thing she needs to do is lie on her back and get very comfortable. She needs to take her time and get completely relaxed.
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