Read Online Himiko: Warrior by CB Conwy - Free Book Online
Authors: CB Conwy
Tags: gay fantasy
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of the fourth day after Pietr told him, his mate came out to where Matt was standing on the terrace, finally breaking the silence.
"I think you should talk to Robbie. You don't look well." Even through the block, Matt could feel how hard it was for Pietr not to check for himself how Matt was feeling, and how much his mate worried about him.
"What does it matter?" Matt didn't know how to keep the apathy out of his voice, and he didn't care.
"Matt, please."
"You have no right to ask me to do anything!" Matt spun around so fast he got dizzy, but he refused to take Pietr's hand when he staggered. "You have no fucking right to do that."
"I know." Pietr dropped his hand, looking both ashamed and pleading. "I know. But, please, Matt. You really don't look well."
"Of course I'm not fucking well! I just found out you're everything I despised. I loved you, Pietr!" The anger welled up in Matt, its force so powerful that he almost choked.
Pietr looked at him, eyes raw with helplessness and remorse.
"I loved you! Pietr, I loved you." He couldn't breathe, and he clung to his anger, the only thing keeping him from breaking down. "You're a fucking monster." His voice broke.
"I know." Pietr didn't protest, didn't do anything to defend himself.
It only made Matt angrier, and he was dizzy with it now, his head pounding so hard that he was losing his ability to focus. "I fucking hate you! You're mine, and I hate you!"
He was choking, and he didn't know if it was tears or dizziness that blinded him, made him stagger. Then Pietr's arms were around him, and it was impossible to keep up his shields against the one he needed more than anything. He let his defenses down, throwing all of his anger and despair and disgust against his mate. Pietr took it all and held him tightly.
He clung to his mate, fighting to breathe between the sobs. It felt so good to be united with Pietr again, no matter how hard he tried to ignore it. He didn't want it to feel good, but it was Pietr. And Pietr was his.
He rested his head in the crook of Pietr's neck, letting himself breathe in the scent of his mate for a long time after he had stopped crying. He refused to think about anything, refused to explore any of Pietr's feelings. Pietr slowly rubbed his back.
"I think I need something to eat." His voice was raw from crying and shouting.
Relief welled up in Pietr's mind, but his mate just nodded.
"I'll make you something. A bit of painkiller would be good for you, too." Pietr pulled back and went to the kitchen, heating something up in the oven. He was keeping his feelings carefully out of the way.
They sat down to eat, and the food actually tasted like something, in contrast to the last couple of days. Matt didn't talk, just ate his food.
When he was done, Pietr handed Matt a pill, and he took it without protesting. He sat at the table while Pietr cleaned up, and he felt how the drug kicked in, taking away most of his pain and making him sleepy.
"Time to go to bed." Matt blinked his eyes open, looking up at Pietr. Then he nodded and let Pietr help him into the bedroom.
His mate lay down next to him, and Matt felt a brief flash of gratitude. Then he fell asleep.
5
His first impulse next morning was to reach out for his mate. Even as he extended his arm, though, he remembered what Pietr had done. Matt abruptly pulled his arm back. He lay down next to his sleeping mate, staring at the ceiling.
He couldn't fathom what Pietr had told him. Matt had spent a long time coming to terms with the fact that the Himika weren't the monsters he had thought they were. Now it turned out that his mate really was a monster. Pietr had to be to have planned something like the kidnapping and torment of so many people.
Matt closed his eyes in pain. It didn't add up; he couldn't imagine his gentle mate committing such atrocities. But Pietr had admitted to doing it, and Matt could feel that Pietr had been telling him the truth. He had no idea what to do
"I think you should talk to Robbie. You don't look well." Even through the block, Matt could feel how hard it was for Pietr not to check for himself how Matt was feeling, and how much his mate worried about him.
"What does it matter?" Matt didn't know how to keep the apathy out of his voice, and he didn't care.
"Matt, please."
"You have no right to ask me to do anything!" Matt spun around so fast he got dizzy, but he refused to take Pietr's hand when he staggered. "You have no fucking right to do that."
"I know." Pietr dropped his hand, looking both ashamed and pleading. "I know. But, please, Matt. You really don't look well."
"Of course I'm not fucking well! I just found out you're everything I despised. I loved you, Pietr!" The anger welled up in Matt, its force so powerful that he almost choked.
Pietr looked at him, eyes raw with helplessness and remorse.
"I loved you! Pietr, I loved you." He couldn't breathe, and he clung to his anger, the only thing keeping him from breaking down. "You're a fucking monster." His voice broke.
"I know." Pietr didn't protest, didn't do anything to defend himself.
It only made Matt angrier, and he was dizzy with it now, his head pounding so hard that he was losing his ability to focus. "I fucking hate you! You're mine, and I hate you!"
He was choking, and he didn't know if it was tears or dizziness that blinded him, made him stagger. Then Pietr's arms were around him, and it was impossible to keep up his shields against the one he needed more than anything. He let his defenses down, throwing all of his anger and despair and disgust against his mate. Pietr took it all and held him tightly.
He clung to his mate, fighting to breathe between the sobs. It felt so good to be united with Pietr again, no matter how hard he tried to ignore it. He didn't want it to feel good, but it was Pietr. And Pietr was his.
He rested his head in the crook of Pietr's neck, letting himself breathe in the scent of his mate for a long time after he had stopped crying. He refused to think about anything, refused to explore any of Pietr's feelings. Pietr slowly rubbed his back.
"I think I need something to eat." His voice was raw from crying and shouting.
Relief welled up in Pietr's mind, but his mate just nodded.
"I'll make you something. A bit of painkiller would be good for you, too." Pietr pulled back and went to the kitchen, heating something up in the oven. He was keeping his feelings carefully out of the way.
They sat down to eat, and the food actually tasted like something, in contrast to the last couple of days. Matt didn't talk, just ate his food.
When he was done, Pietr handed Matt a pill, and he took it without protesting. He sat at the table while Pietr cleaned up, and he felt how the drug kicked in, taking away most of his pain and making him sleepy.
"Time to go to bed." Matt blinked his eyes open, looking up at Pietr. Then he nodded and let Pietr help him into the bedroom.
His mate lay down next to him, and Matt felt a brief flash of gratitude. Then he fell asleep.
5
His first impulse next morning was to reach out for his mate. Even as he extended his arm, though, he remembered what Pietr had done. Matt abruptly pulled his arm back. He lay down next to his sleeping mate, staring at the ceiling.
He couldn't fathom what Pietr had told him. Matt had spent a long time coming to terms with the fact that the Himika weren't the monsters he had thought they were. Now it turned out that his mate really was a monster. Pietr had to be to have planned something like the kidnapping and torment of so many people.
Matt closed his eyes in pain. It didn't add up; he couldn't imagine his gentle mate committing such atrocities. But Pietr had admitted to doing it, and Matt could feel that Pietr had been telling him the truth. He had no idea what to do
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