between the shoulder blades: ‘Go!’
It broke her heart as she saw my skeletal body limping towards the house, head down, and shoulders drooping. What further mental damage, what backward steps in my treatment had she just instigated? What on earth would Dr Davies, my cognitive behavioural therapist say when she confessed to him how she had reacted?
She had no time to reflect further because a horn sounded from her driveway and the excited squeals of Oliver and Bri fell out of the car doors as they raced to ring the bell.
5.
“Auntie Caroline felt a bit put out as she sat on one of the chocolate-brown leather sofas. Uncle Simon sat on the opposite one. The fire was set but not lit; apparently the lunch was a little behind schedule. Dad was taking his time in offering them a sherry and Sadie and I had yet to make an appearance, which I thought was all a bit rude on Sadie’s part, she could have at least faked being excited by their visit by rushing down to greet them. Bri and Oliver sat cross-legged on the rug, expectantly eyeing the parcels still left under the tree.
‘Some welcome, this,’ she mouthed to Simon, in case Dad could hear them from the kitchen.
‘We make such a long journey for this!’ she continued her moaning. ‘Where the hell is Sadie?’
Oliver and Bri were getting restless and started poking each other and telling tales about each other.
‘We’re bored,’ Bri shouted, as Sadie slithered into the room.
Simon jumped up, hugging her close to him.
‘Well, take a look at you. Quite the lady of the house! You’ve shot up in the month.’
‘Bet there are a few broken hearts in this town,’ Caroline tried to join in the light-hearted banter. It was obvious she was disappointed by Sadie’s greeting. I knew it was all part of Sadie’s scheming nature. This way Auntie Caroline would feel indebted to her. I could hear it all from the hallway.
Mum and Dad went in, Mum bearing a tray of canapés and Dad with some matches.
‘I’ll just light the fire. Josh will be down in a moment. So great to be all together again. Took us a bit by surprise then. Della was a bit behind.’
The door opened once more and I jerkily walked in. Caroline and Simon didn’t mean to be rude, to stare, but the transformation! A white-faced skeleton had overtaken the chubby, round-faced Josh. Surely this wasn’t me! Was I ill, was it just an adolescent growing spurt, but those strained features, the soulless eyes just staring at them vacantly . . . Where was the smile? The lad used to always be smiling. Caroline and Simon quickly exchanged glances. Was this something you commented on or something to be skimmed over?
‘Can’t believe it’s a year since we saw Josh,’ Simon took the lead.
‘No,’ Caroline helped out. ‘A whole year. He wasn’t here when we dropped Sadie off. Wow!’
‘He will have been,’ Sadie was quick to pipe up. ‘He never goes out, probably hiding in his room.’ Mum noticed how I wiped my hand down the back of my trousers after each handshake but thankfully the others seemed oblivious.
‘Oh, prawns,’ Caroline continued. ‘I remember those were your favourite last year Josh. Here take a couple.’
She guided the tray towards me.
Mum saw me retch at the thought, disguising it with a cough. She noticed my little facial tic, the two twitches of my nose, and a quick nod of my head to ward off more threatening thoughts. She saw through the disguise as I pretended it was an itch!
I started on the questions which she now recognised. The ones I had to ask to fend off my demons. I’d invented the belief system that whenever anybody entered the house they had to answer yes to at least six questions. It had taken Mum quite a while to crack that one. At first she’d been delighted, thinking the old sociable me was making a comeback but then she’d tuned in to the repetiveness of the questions, the urgency to get an answer with no genuine interest shown by any of my body
It broke her heart as she saw my skeletal body limping towards the house, head down, and shoulders drooping. What further mental damage, what backward steps in my treatment had she just instigated? What on earth would Dr Davies, my cognitive behavioural therapist say when she confessed to him how she had reacted?
She had no time to reflect further because a horn sounded from her driveway and the excited squeals of Oliver and Bri fell out of the car doors as they raced to ring the bell.
5.
“Auntie Caroline felt a bit put out as she sat on one of the chocolate-brown leather sofas. Uncle Simon sat on the opposite one. The fire was set but not lit; apparently the lunch was a little behind schedule. Dad was taking his time in offering them a sherry and Sadie and I had yet to make an appearance, which I thought was all a bit rude on Sadie’s part, she could have at least faked being excited by their visit by rushing down to greet them. Bri and Oliver sat cross-legged on the rug, expectantly eyeing the parcels still left under the tree.
‘Some welcome, this,’ she mouthed to Simon, in case Dad could hear them from the kitchen.
‘We make such a long journey for this!’ she continued her moaning. ‘Where the hell is Sadie?’
Oliver and Bri were getting restless and started poking each other and telling tales about each other.
‘We’re bored,’ Bri shouted, as Sadie slithered into the room.
Simon jumped up, hugging her close to him.
‘Well, take a look at you. Quite the lady of the house! You’ve shot up in the month.’
‘Bet there are a few broken hearts in this town,’ Caroline tried to join in the light-hearted banter. It was obvious she was disappointed by Sadie’s greeting. I knew it was all part of Sadie’s scheming nature. This way Auntie Caroline would feel indebted to her. I could hear it all from the hallway.
Mum and Dad went in, Mum bearing a tray of canapés and Dad with some matches.
‘I’ll just light the fire. Josh will be down in a moment. So great to be all together again. Took us a bit by surprise then. Della was a bit behind.’
The door opened once more and I jerkily walked in. Caroline and Simon didn’t mean to be rude, to stare, but the transformation! A white-faced skeleton had overtaken the chubby, round-faced Josh. Surely this wasn’t me! Was I ill, was it just an adolescent growing spurt, but those strained features, the soulless eyes just staring at them vacantly . . . Where was the smile? The lad used to always be smiling. Caroline and Simon quickly exchanged glances. Was this something you commented on or something to be skimmed over?
‘Can’t believe it’s a year since we saw Josh,’ Simon took the lead.
‘No,’ Caroline helped out. ‘A whole year. He wasn’t here when we dropped Sadie off. Wow!’
‘He will have been,’ Sadie was quick to pipe up. ‘He never goes out, probably hiding in his room.’ Mum noticed how I wiped my hand down the back of my trousers after each handshake but thankfully the others seemed oblivious.
‘Oh, prawns,’ Caroline continued. ‘I remember those were your favourite last year Josh. Here take a couple.’
She guided the tray towards me.
Mum saw me retch at the thought, disguising it with a cough. She noticed my little facial tic, the two twitches of my nose, and a quick nod of my head to ward off more threatening thoughts. She saw through the disguise as I pretended it was an itch!
I started on the questions which she now recognised. The ones I had to ask to fend off my demons. I’d invented the belief system that whenever anybody entered the house they had to answer yes to at least six questions. It had taken Mum quite a while to crack that one. At first she’d been delighted, thinking the old sociable me was making a comeback but then she’d tuned in to the repetiveness of the questions, the urgency to get an answer with no genuine interest shown by any of my body
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