care. An aunt, uncle and two cousins returned home, their presence no longer suitable, a wife demanding a divorce, another cousin given free rein, a husband completely gobsmacked. How had things gone so completely wrong in one day?
Who could help? Where could they start?
The old clock ticked loudly in the silent house – nobody to hear it. Does a clock really make a sound when there is nobody to hear it? Would my problems continue to grow if I was robbed of an audience?
The family had splintered. Who was there to pull it together? Mum was too distraught to visit me. She was out of it completely. She wasn’t sure where she was. There were crisp, white linen sheets smelling of lavender.
Sadie had gone to stay at a mate’s and was in denial that any of this was her fault. Maybe she was right? Still don’t know why Caroline and Simon hadn’t taken her back then.
Social workers, mental health workers, school, friends, family – all like little ants – an army working together to achieve stability.
Mum was aware of the motion of things; somebody had assured her about all this. She could recall it was a woman’s voice. She felt like she was drowning. She closed her eyes and saw a vision of ants carrying an apple core back to their nest. I was being borne by all the professionals supporting me but could they heal me? Would their brew of drugs further disguise my inner turmoil? Every child matters – yes, I did matter to them all but was I mendable? How had her beautiful boy got so broken in the first place? How had her family crumbled so badly, so rapidly?
The door opened and a pair of arms gently raised her on the pillow, propping her forward as the hands then gently plumped up the cushions. A glass was lifted to her lips and she was gently coaxed to “Sip”.
She tried to focus. Caroline was sat by her side holding the glass. Della managed her first word since her collapse.
‘How?’
‘Rest, Della. You should have told us. You know what they say, a trouble shared is a trouble halved. We could have helped before it got to this. I insisted on bringing you back here with us so I could nurse you for a bit. We of all people would have understood. We have been to so many depths with Sadie and you were helping us out.’
Mum lay back on the feather pillows trying to understand all of this. It would never have entered their heads to open up to Caroline and Simon of all people. Mum had always been quite snobby, patronisingly helping them with Sadie but Caroline sounded quite genuine now. Maybe it was time for Mum to drop her pride and admit that she had just as big a problem with me as they did with Sadie!
‘Simon is going to help Mark come to terms with Josh’s problems, to support you. We’ll get you and Mark strong again.’
Caroline obviously believed she had some sort of magic wand. She made it all sound so easy. She, above anybody, should have known that such glib words, though kindly meant, could not begin to paper over the cracks. How could she be so ignorant? They’d spent months working with a clinical psychologist; this was nothing a quick helping hand could resolve.
A squeeze of the hand came next, a pat on her shoulder. ‘I’ll leave you a bit longer and then I’ll bring you some toast up, now you have come round a bit.’
Mum lay there planning her escape. This was vile, trapped in this little doll’s house, playing patient to Caroline in her latest craze – the life-saving nurse. The roles had nightmarishly reversed. Della was in this family to help Caroline with her troublesome daughter. Della was the one who always coped. What would her in-laws, Estelle and Charles, think of her if they knew the truth?
They had moved me to a main ward now I was physically out of danger while they assessed me to see where to send me next.
I lay there wondering how she was. They said she was ill. My compulsions hadn’t saved her. The excessive washing, excessive cleaning, the counting, the straightening
Who could help? Where could they start?
The old clock ticked loudly in the silent house – nobody to hear it. Does a clock really make a sound when there is nobody to hear it? Would my problems continue to grow if I was robbed of an audience?
The family had splintered. Who was there to pull it together? Mum was too distraught to visit me. She was out of it completely. She wasn’t sure where she was. There were crisp, white linen sheets smelling of lavender.
Sadie had gone to stay at a mate’s and was in denial that any of this was her fault. Maybe she was right? Still don’t know why Caroline and Simon hadn’t taken her back then.
Social workers, mental health workers, school, friends, family – all like little ants – an army working together to achieve stability.
Mum was aware of the motion of things; somebody had assured her about all this. She could recall it was a woman’s voice. She felt like she was drowning. She closed her eyes and saw a vision of ants carrying an apple core back to their nest. I was being borne by all the professionals supporting me but could they heal me? Would their brew of drugs further disguise my inner turmoil? Every child matters – yes, I did matter to them all but was I mendable? How had her beautiful boy got so broken in the first place? How had her family crumbled so badly, so rapidly?
The door opened and a pair of arms gently raised her on the pillow, propping her forward as the hands then gently plumped up the cushions. A glass was lifted to her lips and she was gently coaxed to “Sip”.
She tried to focus. Caroline was sat by her side holding the glass. Della managed her first word since her collapse.
‘How?’
‘Rest, Della. You should have told us. You know what they say, a trouble shared is a trouble halved. We could have helped before it got to this. I insisted on bringing you back here with us so I could nurse you for a bit. We of all people would have understood. We have been to so many depths with Sadie and you were helping us out.’
Mum lay back on the feather pillows trying to understand all of this. It would never have entered their heads to open up to Caroline and Simon of all people. Mum had always been quite snobby, patronisingly helping them with Sadie but Caroline sounded quite genuine now. Maybe it was time for Mum to drop her pride and admit that she had just as big a problem with me as they did with Sadie!
‘Simon is going to help Mark come to terms with Josh’s problems, to support you. We’ll get you and Mark strong again.’
Caroline obviously believed she had some sort of magic wand. She made it all sound so easy. She, above anybody, should have known that such glib words, though kindly meant, could not begin to paper over the cracks. How could she be so ignorant? They’d spent months working with a clinical psychologist; this was nothing a quick helping hand could resolve.
A squeeze of the hand came next, a pat on her shoulder. ‘I’ll leave you a bit longer and then I’ll bring you some toast up, now you have come round a bit.’
Mum lay there planning her escape. This was vile, trapped in this little doll’s house, playing patient to Caroline in her latest craze – the life-saving nurse. The roles had nightmarishly reversed. Della was in this family to help Caroline with her troublesome daughter. Della was the one who always coped. What would her in-laws, Estelle and Charles, think of her if they knew the truth?
They had moved me to a main ward now I was physically out of danger while they assessed me to see where to send me next.
I lay there wondering how she was. They said she was ill. My compulsions hadn’t saved her. The excessive washing, excessive cleaning, the counting, the straightening
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