in the world. I think you’re incredible," he says, looking at me with that beautiful warmth in his brown eyes.
No one has ever told me that they were proud of me. Not one single person. And so this hits me deep and I feel wetness in my eyes. I look down, embarrassed, and take a sip of my wine.
"Thank you," I whisper.
We're quiet for a minute and although I don't really feel like going into any details about my and Leo's past, the curiosity is too much for me. I was in shock about Leo's death the last couple times I was with Jake but this time, I find myself asking, "Can I ask you about Leo?"
His eyes snap up to mine and he nods, "Of course." But he sounds a little wary all of a sudden.
"Was he happy? Did he have a good life?"
He pauses, and then, "I don't know how to answer that. I didn't know him very well. I mean, outside of sports and partying, that sort of thing."
I nod. I realize I'm biting the inside of my mouth, a bad habit I thought I'd left behind in foster care. I stop and take a deep breath. "When he left, he promised he'd keep in touch and he never did. Do you have any idea why?"
He looks sad, like he feels sorry for me and that's exactly why I didn't want to bring this up, but I feel like I have to know.
"I'm sorry. I don't. I don't really know what his home life was like. And the first time he talked about you to me was in the hospital and I've told you the extent of what he said."
I nod, taking another sip of my wine. I feel like bringing Leo's name up has thrown a melancholy over our date that wasn't there before and so I rally, smiling at Jake and saying, "This might be a little bit of an odd thing to say, but, well, if he was going to send anyone, I'm glad it was you. I've had a nice time tonight."
He's silent for a second, a strange expression on his face but then he smiles big and says, "I'm glad he sent me too. I thought I was doing him a favor, but it looks like he did me a favor."
After our plates are cleared, Jake reaches across the table and takes my hands, and says, "Can I take you out again?"
I nod yes, looking down and feeling shy.
The waiter returns Jake's credit card and he quickly signs the receipt and says, "Ready?" as he starts to stand up.
I smile and stand up, too. He helps me on with my jacket and then grabs my hand again and we exit the restaurant.
We drive back to my apartment, chatting easily about the city and some of our favorite spots. He tells me a little bit about growing up near the beach and when I tell him I'd love to see the ocean someday, he grabs my hand and tells me he’d love to be the one to take me there.
I don't answer, thinking it's a little soon to be making plans that involve travel.
We drive the last couple of miles in companionable silence, the radio playing softly in the background.
We pull up a half a block down from my apartment because the spaces in front are all taken and Jake shuts off the car but he doesn't get out. He looks over at me and I smile at him. I feel like we are cocooned away from the world in his warm car, just the two of us.
"You are so beautiful when you smile," Jake says.
Suddenly, he is leaning over and taking my jaw in his hand as he gently brushes his lips over mine.
He leans his forehead against mine and looks right into my eyes. There is an unreadable expression there and my heart starts to beat faster as we stare at each other, mere centimeters away. I don't know whether I'm scared or whether his closeness is causing my blood to pump faster. I don't know what I'm feeling in this moment, don't know whether I want to move even closer or pull away. It's all so intense, and so soon. I shake my head very slightly and, in the end, I pull away.
"What's wrong?" he asks, and his voice is quiet, gentle.
I exhale, "Nothing, this is just all kind of new for me." But I smile at him and he smiles back.
Jake walks me to my apartment door and although he started the night with a passionate kiss, he ends it with a kiss that is
No one has ever told me that they were proud of me. Not one single person. And so this hits me deep and I feel wetness in my eyes. I look down, embarrassed, and take a sip of my wine.
"Thank you," I whisper.
We're quiet for a minute and although I don't really feel like going into any details about my and Leo's past, the curiosity is too much for me. I was in shock about Leo's death the last couple times I was with Jake but this time, I find myself asking, "Can I ask you about Leo?"
His eyes snap up to mine and he nods, "Of course." But he sounds a little wary all of a sudden.
"Was he happy? Did he have a good life?"
He pauses, and then, "I don't know how to answer that. I didn't know him very well. I mean, outside of sports and partying, that sort of thing."
I nod. I realize I'm biting the inside of my mouth, a bad habit I thought I'd left behind in foster care. I stop and take a deep breath. "When he left, he promised he'd keep in touch and he never did. Do you have any idea why?"
He looks sad, like he feels sorry for me and that's exactly why I didn't want to bring this up, but I feel like I have to know.
"I'm sorry. I don't. I don't really know what his home life was like. And the first time he talked about you to me was in the hospital and I've told you the extent of what he said."
I nod, taking another sip of my wine. I feel like bringing Leo's name up has thrown a melancholy over our date that wasn't there before and so I rally, smiling at Jake and saying, "This might be a little bit of an odd thing to say, but, well, if he was going to send anyone, I'm glad it was you. I've had a nice time tonight."
He's silent for a second, a strange expression on his face but then he smiles big and says, "I'm glad he sent me too. I thought I was doing him a favor, but it looks like he did me a favor."
After our plates are cleared, Jake reaches across the table and takes my hands, and says, "Can I take you out again?"
I nod yes, looking down and feeling shy.
The waiter returns Jake's credit card and he quickly signs the receipt and says, "Ready?" as he starts to stand up.
I smile and stand up, too. He helps me on with my jacket and then grabs my hand again and we exit the restaurant.
We drive back to my apartment, chatting easily about the city and some of our favorite spots. He tells me a little bit about growing up near the beach and when I tell him I'd love to see the ocean someday, he grabs my hand and tells me he’d love to be the one to take me there.
I don't answer, thinking it's a little soon to be making plans that involve travel.
We drive the last couple of miles in companionable silence, the radio playing softly in the background.
We pull up a half a block down from my apartment because the spaces in front are all taken and Jake shuts off the car but he doesn't get out. He looks over at me and I smile at him. I feel like we are cocooned away from the world in his warm car, just the two of us.
"You are so beautiful when you smile," Jake says.
Suddenly, he is leaning over and taking my jaw in his hand as he gently brushes his lips over mine.
He leans his forehead against mine and looks right into my eyes. There is an unreadable expression there and my heart starts to beat faster as we stare at each other, mere centimeters away. I don't know whether I'm scared or whether his closeness is causing my blood to pump faster. I don't know what I'm feeling in this moment, don't know whether I want to move even closer or pull away. It's all so intense, and so soon. I shake my head very slightly and, in the end, I pull away.
"What's wrong?" he asks, and his voice is quiet, gentle.
I exhale, "Nothing, this is just all kind of new for me." But I smile at him and he smiles back.
Jake walks me to my apartment door and although he started the night with a passionate kiss, he ends it with a kiss that is
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