Read Online e Squared by Matt Beaumont - Free Book Online

Éloge goes to the Expo to bulk-buy critters for mascara tests. It was held in Shanghai last year. They came back with a container ship of kittens.
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    Yes, book me onto a course. I’ve got to do something because the way I feel right now I’d rather be one of those kittens.
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    From: Dotty Podidra
    To: David Crutton
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 14.21
    Subject: afternoon schedule
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    That’s a no, then?
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    From: Liam O’Keefe
    To: Brett Topolski
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 15.08
    Subject: Re: runners ‘n’ riders
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    Why talk to Lorraine when I have both a youthful new haircut (actually, the usual no. 2) and a date with the provider of said do? As well as being a gifted stylist, she’s a fully qualified beauty therapist. She’s going to give me a lower back massage. Shall I get her to wax my bum crack while she’s down there?
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    From: Milton Keane
    To: Susi Judge-Davis-Gaultier
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 15.31
    Subject: unreal!
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    Just got back to an absolutely hideous e-mail from DC. Does he have Tourette’s? And I bumped into Dotty in the kitchen. She said he chucked his French press at the wall. The man is totally insane. Was he this bad at Miller Shanks?
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    From: Susi Judge-Davis-Gaultier
    To: Milton Keane
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 15.36
    Subject: Re: unreal!
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    OMG, he was ten times worse. I think he must have been in therapy because he used to fire people for fun. Rumor was that when he found out he couldn’t fire an intern because she was going back to uni the next day, he chucked her down the lift shaft. Don’t know if it was true, but there was a dreadful smell for weeks.
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    BTW, thanks for taking me out. Retail therapy so works! I love my Daphne from Scooby-Doo dress. And those white loafers are so you!! Sx
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    From: Milton Keane
    To: Susi Judge-Davis-Gaultier
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 15.38
    Subject: Re: unreal!
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    Don’t you think they make me look a bit gay?
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    From: Susi Judge-Davis-Gaultier
    To: Milton Keane
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 15.39
    Subject: Re: unreal!
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    Don’t be a sausage. Only a real man could carry off white shoes with Prince of Wales check trousers and a salmon-pink cardie. Trust me, I’m a Gaultier!
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    From: Brett Topolski
    To: Liam O’Keefe
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 15.48
    Subject: Re: runners ‘n’ riders
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    Great idea. I’m sure the reason Lorraine dumped you was your anal hirsuteness. In case you’re completely stupid, I’M BEING IRONIC. Cancel the hairdresser, go see Lorraine. She was the best thing that ever happened to you and if you let her walk away, you’re more insane than Vince (who as I write is turning a hot dog pack shot into a big spurty cock. He’s been a terror since he mastered Photoshop. Life was much safer when he just had his coloring-in book). I’ll check in tomorrow, by which time you will have talked to Lorraine. DO NOT LET ME DOWN.
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    From: Ted Berry
    To: David Crutton
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 15.53
    Subject: Re: Esmée Éloge Contact Report
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    Already got some great ideas for the Maggie bottle. We’re looking into casting it in pig iron. Might be a weight issue, but I’m sure we can overcome it with a premium price. And how about getting Armitage Shanks to produce a limited-edition porcelain bottle for George Michael?
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    Any news on this Big Client you cock-teased me with over Christmas?
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    From: David Crutton
    To: Ted Berry
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 15.59
    Subject: Re: Esmée Éloge Contact Report
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    Might have something before the end of the week. I’d love to tell your partner too, but is she ever here? It’s just one bullshit seminar after another with her.
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    From: Ted Berry
    To: David Crutton
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 16.07
    Subject: Re: Esmée Éloge Contact Report
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    Caz does love her courses. Frustrating at times, but she gets some serious networking done at them. Kwik Fit and