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Trebor both signed up with us after they met her at Sex Sells: What Lap Dancers Can Teach Us About Marketing.
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    From: Róisín O’Hooligan
    To: All Staff
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 16.12
    Subject: Can’t believe I’m still here ...
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    ... because the tree hasn’t moved a fucking inch. I swear that if someone doesn’t do something soon, the next client that walks in here will get it up his backside.
    Róisín
    Reception
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    From: David Crutton
    To: Sally Wilton
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 16.15
    Subject: reception
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    Am I right in thinking that the foul-mouthed receptionist reports to you? Do you think she’s the ideal face of Meerkat360? I suggest you begin the process of finding someone a little more decorous. And pretty.
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    She does have a point about the Christmas tree though. It’s a fucking eyesore. Please see that it’s removed.

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    From: Susi Judge-Davis-Gaultier
    To: Liam O’Keefe
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 16.19
    Subject: Esmée Éloge
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    Ted would like to know if there’s any chance of you showing him the Winter Sun recall ad before end of play. You have had the brief since Monday.
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    From: Susi Judge-Davis-Gaultier
    To: All Staff
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 16.20
    Subject: If anyone can see ...
    Â 
    ... Harvey Harvey, tell him Ted wants to brief him on Kwik Fit. And it’s time for his tablet.
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    From: Sally Wilton
    To: David Crutton
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 16.21
    Subject: Re: reception
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    Hi David. Although Róisín does report to me, she was interviewed by Caroline and Ted and was very much their choice—Ted felt that she would “spunkify” the front-of-house area. The way things are normally done here, you would have to have Caroline and Ted’s agreement if you want to replace her.
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    My apologies for the delayed removal of the tree. Caroline gave me instructions that, since it still has its roots, it shouldn’t be disposed of in the usual fashion, but should be replanted. It has taken me a few days to locate a suitable plot.
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    A team of qualified arboriculturists will arrive shortly to transport it to the Christmas Tree Sanctuary in Abergavenny.

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    From: David Crutton
    To: Sally Wilton
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 16.23
    Subject: Re: reception
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    Tell me, Sally, how the hell did Caroline manage to a) interview the sewer mouth and b) give you instructions on tree removal, since she is never fucking here? Is there some kind of telepathic technique you people use, to which I, as a relative newcomer, am not party?
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    From: Liam O’Keefe
    To: Susi Judge-Davis-Gaultier
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 16.25
    Subject: Re: Esmée Éloge
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    I’d say there’s roughly no chance. It’s an especially tricky brief. I know how Ted likes to challenge us and I don’t want to fail him. BTW, Harvey’s in the Romper Room. You’ll find him in the ball pit. You might need an excavator to get him out—he’s been there all day and I think he’s sunk. Also BTW, Bill thinks you look like Daphne from Scooby-Doo. Reckon you’re in there, girl.
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    From: David Crutton
    To: Donald Gold
    Cc: Ted Berry, Kazu Makino
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 16.39
    Subject: Fwd: Project Red Carpet
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    This just in from Maurice at Esmée Éloge. I expect you to take suitable action. No flying involved.
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    Begin forwarded message:
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    From: Maurice Weber
    To: David Crutton
    Cc: Camille Brunel, Betina Tofting
    Sent: 7 January 2009, 16.29
    Subject: Project Red Carpet
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    Hi David
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    We had excellent meeting on Monday. Thanks you for making the journey. Your presentation has stimulated many more discussion.
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    We are particular excited about Dame Bleue (Margaret Thatcher). Camille especial feels that there is big market opportunity in political celebrity. She believes there is something highly sexual about the strong, independent political woman that may work on international