Everyone fits in, in the city. I want to live there so bad. Maybe Jess, Dylan and me can get a place there. School sucks, we could just drop out and get on with our lives. Get jobs and live life out loud! I would LOVE that!
We went to the park and just chilled for hours. We laid on our backs and watched the clouds swirl around. We saw silly animals and shapes in the clouds just like when we were kids. I t was an awesome day.
Oct 5
I ’m outta pillz. I am cutting myself all the time. I just can’t take it. I can’t take being inside my own head. I can’t stand my own thoughts. I just want silence. I want it all to go the fuck away and leave me the hell alone. Please… LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!
Oct 6
Jess knows a guy where we can get some pillz. I stole twenty bucks from my mom’s purse. I need some pillz. They last longer than the weed and I can take them anytime. Yeah, the guy said that I could get like 3 pillz for twenty bucks. But he said that he’d give me 10 pillz for twenty bucks if I gave him a blow job. It was just a blow job. And he had a small dick so it didn’t even gag me. He came pretty fast so it was over with and I got my pillz. He made me swallow his jizz though. I hate that. It tastes so gross.
We went back to Dylan ’s and I washed the taste out of my mouth with a beer. I took and pill and chilled on the couch. Dylan grabbed some of his folks weed and we burned a bowl. It felt great. Jess passed out again and Dylan told me that the blow job I gave that guy looked mighty nice. I was high and in a good mood, so I sucked him and fucked him. It was nice to feel touched by someone that actually cared about me.
Dylan la id down next to me and he told me that he loved me. It kind of shocked me. I asked him what about Jess and he said that he loved her too. He loved us both. I never had a guy tell me he really loved me before. Ben said it, but that was just to try to get in my pants. He never said it after we fucked like Dylan did. I knew that Dylan meant it.
We have been through a lot of shit together and he was always there for me. He knew me like no one else knew me. I told him that I loved him too then he fucked me again. This time slower and he looked me in the eyes like a real boyfriend. It was really nice.
Oct 12
Well, the shit is hitting the fan. My parents found out about my grades. I am grounded for like ever mom says. They are saying that I might get held back and have to take classes over again. This sucks… luckily I have some pillz stashed away so I can get through this. Jess just called and we are skipping school tomorrow. What does it matter, I am flunking anyway… it can’t get any worse than that. I can just take the rest of the year off, right?
I am having problems finding places to cut myself that my mom won ’t see. I have used up all the good spots. Now I’m starting to re-cut old wounds. I don’t care. I like the way it feels. I wanna be numb on the inside. I just can’t. All these thoughts and memories keep haunting me. It keeps coming back in my dreams… day dreams and night dreams. Who am I anymore? I don’t even recognize myself and when I do, I don’t like myself so I try to block her out.
Get me out of this damn town! I hate it here. I feel people looking at me… at me and Dylan and Jess. Judging us, condemning us. What the fuck do they know about us? Fuck them… fuck them ALL!!!!!
Oct 25
Hi. I forget what day of the week it is. I forget where I am half the time. That guy is giving me pillz for blow jobs all the time now. I even let him fuck me a couple of times. I don’t care. I just want the pillz. I need the pillz. He has a little dick and he’s quick so what the hell. He’s fucked Jess a couple of times too. We just laugh when we leave. Then we get high and chill and enjoy life! It’s all worth it in the end.
Nov 15
Damn it! Bob got us again. We were passed out at Dylan’s and Bob came home early. He fucked Jess, then
We went to the park and just chilled for hours. We laid on our backs and watched the clouds swirl around. We saw silly animals and shapes in the clouds just like when we were kids. I t was an awesome day.
Oct 5
I ’m outta pillz. I am cutting myself all the time. I just can’t take it. I can’t take being inside my own head. I can’t stand my own thoughts. I just want silence. I want it all to go the fuck away and leave me the hell alone. Please… LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!
Oct 6
Jess knows a guy where we can get some pillz. I stole twenty bucks from my mom’s purse. I need some pillz. They last longer than the weed and I can take them anytime. Yeah, the guy said that I could get like 3 pillz for twenty bucks. But he said that he’d give me 10 pillz for twenty bucks if I gave him a blow job. It was just a blow job. And he had a small dick so it didn’t even gag me. He came pretty fast so it was over with and I got my pillz. He made me swallow his jizz though. I hate that. It tastes so gross.
We went back to Dylan ’s and I washed the taste out of my mouth with a beer. I took and pill and chilled on the couch. Dylan grabbed some of his folks weed and we burned a bowl. It felt great. Jess passed out again and Dylan told me that the blow job I gave that guy looked mighty nice. I was high and in a good mood, so I sucked him and fucked him. It was nice to feel touched by someone that actually cared about me.
Dylan la id down next to me and he told me that he loved me. It kind of shocked me. I asked him what about Jess and he said that he loved her too. He loved us both. I never had a guy tell me he really loved me before. Ben said it, but that was just to try to get in my pants. He never said it after we fucked like Dylan did. I knew that Dylan meant it.
We have been through a lot of shit together and he was always there for me. He knew me like no one else knew me. I told him that I loved him too then he fucked me again. This time slower and he looked me in the eyes like a real boyfriend. It was really nice.
Oct 12
Well, the shit is hitting the fan. My parents found out about my grades. I am grounded for like ever mom says. They are saying that I might get held back and have to take classes over again. This sucks… luckily I have some pillz stashed away so I can get through this. Jess just called and we are skipping school tomorrow. What does it matter, I am flunking anyway… it can’t get any worse than that. I can just take the rest of the year off, right?
I am having problems finding places to cut myself that my mom won ’t see. I have used up all the good spots. Now I’m starting to re-cut old wounds. I don’t care. I like the way it feels. I wanna be numb on the inside. I just can’t. All these thoughts and memories keep haunting me. It keeps coming back in my dreams… day dreams and night dreams. Who am I anymore? I don’t even recognize myself and when I do, I don’t like myself so I try to block her out.
Get me out of this damn town! I hate it here. I feel people looking at me… at me and Dylan and Jess. Judging us, condemning us. What the fuck do they know about us? Fuck them… fuck them ALL!!!!!
Oct 25
Hi. I forget what day of the week it is. I forget where I am half the time. That guy is giving me pillz for blow jobs all the time now. I even let him fuck me a couple of times. I don’t care. I just want the pillz. I need the pillz. He has a little dick and he’s quick so what the hell. He’s fucked Jess a couple of times too. We just laugh when we leave. Then we get high and chill and enjoy life! It’s all worth it in the end.
Nov 15
Damn it! Bob got us again. We were passed out at Dylan’s and Bob came home early. He fucked Jess, then
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