Read Online Big Girls Do It Pregnant by Jasinda Wilder - Free Book Online
Authors: Jasinda Wilder
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anything.”
Chase spoke into his beer bottle. “I’m excited to have a baby, Mom. What I’m not excited about is sitting around watching a bunch of women squawk about diapers and trade breastfeeding secrets.”
Kelly huffed. “Then why are you here?”
Chase rolled the side of the bottle across his forehead. “I don’t know , Mom. Some one told me I had to be here.” He shot a dirty look at Jamie. “I’ve always sort of thought baby showers were a women-only thing. Guess I was wrong.”
Jamie sighed. “Fine, leave, then. I just thought you would want to share in this experience.” She gave him the dirty look right back. “Guess I was wrong.”
“Fuck me,” Chase muttered. “Don’t turn this into something it’s not. I’m excited for the baby , Jay. I couldn’t care less about diapers and bizarre little shirts that snap together under her ass. I don’t know.”
Jay glared at him, then relented. “Fine. You’re such a guy, Chase.”
“Well, no shit,” he muttered. “Was it the cock that gave it away, or the balls?”
I nearly snorted diet Coke out of my nose at that.
“It was the fact that you’re a jackass, I’m pretty sure. Or the giant asshole where your face is supposed to be.”
I did snort soda out my nose at that. “Jay, I’m sorry, but I don’t think any guy on earth likes baby showers,” I said.
Jay glared at me. “You’re not helping, Anna.”
“Actually, I like baby showers, and I have a cock,” Lane—Jamie’s GBFF (gay best friend forever)—said, raising his hand.
“Yeah,” I said, “But you don’t count. You’re basically a girl.”
Lane shrugged. “Yeah. But I’m still male. I’m on both sides with this one.”
I glanced at Jeff. “You want to leave, too?”
He examined me carefully, then looked around the room and back to me. “You really have to ask?”
I sighed. “Ugh. Men.” I looked at Jamie. “I think we have to let them leave for a while.”
Jay waved her hand without looking up from her phone. “Fine. I already said fine.”
Chase groaned. “But we all know what ‘fine’ means.”
She clicked the button on the top of her phone to put it to sleep, and then gave Chase a sickly sweet smile. “Yeah, but we wouldn’t our men to be bored, would we? Go get drunk or something. Just go.”
Chase set his bottle down and grabbed Jeff by the shoulder, dragging him away and pushing him toward the door. “Let’s go now, before they change their minds. God knows we don’t want to get stuck playing fucking baby bingo or some shit.”
I laughed at that, then fell silent when Jamie glared at me. Jeff mouthed I love you as Chase dragged him out the door. Jamie stared at the door, then turned back to the stack of wrapped gifts. “We’re not playing baby bingo, are we, Jamie?” I asked, suddenly suspicious.
She huffed, looking offended. “No!” She lifted a box from the floor beside her. “Would I make you play something as dumb as that? We’re playing ‘pin the sperm on the egg.’”
I choked on my Coke a third time, spewing it out of my mouth and nose, coughing and laughing. “We’re playing what ?” Kelly patted me on the back and handed me a paper towel. I patted my yoga pants dry and wiped my face. “Are you serious?”
Jamie stood up slowly and made her way to a wall, where she had taped a filmy piece of plastic-y material. It was yellow with a cartoon diagram of the female reproductive organs in purple. Along one edge of the uterus was a pink dot with a bizarre smiley face on it. Jamie showed us little black squiggly bits with bulbous heads, fixed with a pin near the head, obviously meant to represent sperm.
I groaned. “You’re serious.” I took one of the sperms from Jamie and examined it, shaking my head. “Where did you find this, Jay? And we’re not seriously going to play this, are we?”
Jamie snatched the sperm from my hand and set it neatly in a pile with the others on her coffee table. “I found
Chase spoke into his beer bottle. “I’m excited to have a baby, Mom. What I’m not excited about is sitting around watching a bunch of women squawk about diapers and trade breastfeeding secrets.”
Kelly huffed. “Then why are you here?”
Chase rolled the side of the bottle across his forehead. “I don’t know , Mom. Some one told me I had to be here.” He shot a dirty look at Jamie. “I’ve always sort of thought baby showers were a women-only thing. Guess I was wrong.”
Jamie sighed. “Fine, leave, then. I just thought you would want to share in this experience.” She gave him the dirty look right back. “Guess I was wrong.”
“Fuck me,” Chase muttered. “Don’t turn this into something it’s not. I’m excited for the baby , Jay. I couldn’t care less about diapers and bizarre little shirts that snap together under her ass. I don’t know.”
Jay glared at him, then relented. “Fine. You’re such a guy, Chase.”
“Well, no shit,” he muttered. “Was it the cock that gave it away, or the balls?”
I nearly snorted diet Coke out of my nose at that.
“It was the fact that you’re a jackass, I’m pretty sure. Or the giant asshole where your face is supposed to be.”
I did snort soda out my nose at that. “Jay, I’m sorry, but I don’t think any guy on earth likes baby showers,” I said.
Jay glared at me. “You’re not helping, Anna.”
“Actually, I like baby showers, and I have a cock,” Lane—Jamie’s GBFF (gay best friend forever)—said, raising his hand.
“Yeah,” I said, “But you don’t count. You’re basically a girl.”
Lane shrugged. “Yeah. But I’m still male. I’m on both sides with this one.”
I glanced at Jeff. “You want to leave, too?”
He examined me carefully, then looked around the room and back to me. “You really have to ask?”
I sighed. “Ugh. Men.” I looked at Jamie. “I think we have to let them leave for a while.”
Jay waved her hand without looking up from her phone. “Fine. I already said fine.”
Chase groaned. “But we all know what ‘fine’ means.”
She clicked the button on the top of her phone to put it to sleep, and then gave Chase a sickly sweet smile. “Yeah, but we wouldn’t our men to be bored, would we? Go get drunk or something. Just go.”
Chase set his bottle down and grabbed Jeff by the shoulder, dragging him away and pushing him toward the door. “Let’s go now, before they change their minds. God knows we don’t want to get stuck playing fucking baby bingo or some shit.”
I laughed at that, then fell silent when Jamie glared at me. Jeff mouthed I love you as Chase dragged him out the door. Jamie stared at the door, then turned back to the stack of wrapped gifts. “We’re not playing baby bingo, are we, Jamie?” I asked, suddenly suspicious.
She huffed, looking offended. “No!” She lifted a box from the floor beside her. “Would I make you play something as dumb as that? We’re playing ‘pin the sperm on the egg.’”
I choked on my Coke a third time, spewing it out of my mouth and nose, coughing and laughing. “We’re playing what ?” Kelly patted me on the back and handed me a paper towel. I patted my yoga pants dry and wiped my face. “Are you serious?”
Jamie stood up slowly and made her way to a wall, where she had taped a filmy piece of plastic-y material. It was yellow with a cartoon diagram of the female reproductive organs in purple. Along one edge of the uterus was a pink dot with a bizarre smiley face on it. Jamie showed us little black squiggly bits with bulbous heads, fixed with a pin near the head, obviously meant to represent sperm.
I groaned. “You’re serious.” I took one of the sperms from Jamie and examined it, shaking my head. “Where did you find this, Jay? And we’re not seriously going to play this, are we?”
Jamie snatched the sperm from my hand and set it neatly in a pile with the others on her coffee table. “I found
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