into its hook in the wall, leaving the entrance open to the top of the stairs.
Jack ran to the bathroom, peed and washed, then walked through the open gate quickly, trying not to look at it.
‘What do you want on it?’ his mother shouted, as he came downstairs.
‘Peanut butter, please,’ he replied, walking towards the kitchen. He would make himself eat it. Perhaps, when he measured himself again secretly on Nana’s door this Saturday, there would be a difference. Sometimes he measured himself two or three times on the same day, just to be sure.
Kate turned, unsmiling, to butter Jack’s bagel, as he sat at the table and watched her. Her shoulder blades were showing even more clearly than before through the worn cream silk of the nightie Dad had given her, like two L-shapes, back to back. He looked down at her legs. White string with knots in.
Jack sipped the tea she’d made for him and tried to think about something else.
‘When’s the new laptop getting delivered, Mum?’
She groaned as she placed his bagel on the table. ‘This week, I hope. They tried to say they’d delivered it on Tuesday when I was in London – you know, when I went up to see Patricia, our old neighbour in Highgate,’ she added swiftly. Her eyes slid off to the left again, Jack noted. ‘I knew it was coming,’ his mum continued, ‘but I didn’t have time to rearrange the delivery, so I thought they’d just take it back to the depot and I could get it the next day. Anyway, they’re saying they did deliver it on Tuesday, but obviously they didn’t. So it’s their fault, and now they’re sending another laptop on Friday.’ His mum shook her head. ‘I should have just gone to the bloody shop. I’ve got to get some figures off to David in London by next weekend for a sealed bid auction.’
She frowned and returned to the sink. Jack took a reluctant bite of his bagel, thinking. If he got Gabe to invite him round after school, they could use his mum’s computer and see if Aunt Sass had done what she’d promised.
He looked up and saw Kate watching him from the sink.
‘Jack, you’re not getting one. Please don’t ask again. There are reasons that ten is too early.’
He shrugged. ‘I know. There are weird people looking at the internet. They told us at school.’
‘Good.’ She came over and sat down with a cup and no food. He could smell the hot raspberry from her tea. He saw her take an uncertain pause.
‘I like your hair like that,’ she said. ‘Bet the girls do, too.’
‘No,’ he said, awkwardly. ‘They like Gabe. He’s taller than me.’
Her forehead immediately creased again with worry. He sighed inwardly.
‘It doesn’t matter. Don’t worry about it, Mum.’
Jack took another bite of the bagel, pushing his teeth hard through the tough dough. Just chewing it made his stomach tighten painfully again.
Why was she frowning? Being small was his problem, not hers.
He chewed even harder.
Out of nowhere, Jack suddenly felt very, very cross.
She had locked that stupid, embarrassing gate again last night, even though Nana had told her not to. She had completely lied to Nana. Done the opposite of what she’d promised. And now he knew that she’d lied, and Nana didn’t, and if Nana asked him when he went to stay this weekend, and he told her the truth, Mum would be cross.
He glanced at his mum, but her eyes were lost again, somewhere off in her secret place.
Why did she always have to make everybody so worried?
Why could he never tell her he was scared of the strange noises he heard in the wardrobe at night? Or of the cramps in his stomach, which he suspected might be caused by the same disease that boy had on Children in Need? Or of the Year Eight boys who were making him and Gabe a bit nervous?
Why could he not tell Mum any of this without her stealing his worries and turning them into her own, making it worse, not better?
Jack sat back.
A second wave of anger engulfed him.
A thought took him by
Jack ran to the bathroom, peed and washed, then walked through the open gate quickly, trying not to look at it.
‘What do you want on it?’ his mother shouted, as he came downstairs.
‘Peanut butter, please,’ he replied, walking towards the kitchen. He would make himself eat it. Perhaps, when he measured himself again secretly on Nana’s door this Saturday, there would be a difference. Sometimes he measured himself two or three times on the same day, just to be sure.
Kate turned, unsmiling, to butter Jack’s bagel, as he sat at the table and watched her. Her shoulder blades were showing even more clearly than before through the worn cream silk of the nightie Dad had given her, like two L-shapes, back to back. He looked down at her legs. White string with knots in.
Jack sipped the tea she’d made for him and tried to think about something else.
‘When’s the new laptop getting delivered, Mum?’
She groaned as she placed his bagel on the table. ‘This week, I hope. They tried to say they’d delivered it on Tuesday when I was in London – you know, when I went up to see Patricia, our old neighbour in Highgate,’ she added swiftly. Her eyes slid off to the left again, Jack noted. ‘I knew it was coming,’ his mum continued, ‘but I didn’t have time to rearrange the delivery, so I thought they’d just take it back to the depot and I could get it the next day. Anyway, they’re saying they did deliver it on Tuesday, but obviously they didn’t. So it’s their fault, and now they’re sending another laptop on Friday.’ His mum shook her head. ‘I should have just gone to the bloody shop. I’ve got to get some figures off to David in London by next weekend for a sealed bid auction.’
She frowned and returned to the sink. Jack took a reluctant bite of his bagel, thinking. If he got Gabe to invite him round after school, they could use his mum’s computer and see if Aunt Sass had done what she’d promised.
He looked up and saw Kate watching him from the sink.
‘Jack, you’re not getting one. Please don’t ask again. There are reasons that ten is too early.’
He shrugged. ‘I know. There are weird people looking at the internet. They told us at school.’
‘Good.’ She came over and sat down with a cup and no food. He could smell the hot raspberry from her tea. He saw her take an uncertain pause.
‘I like your hair like that,’ she said. ‘Bet the girls do, too.’
‘No,’ he said, awkwardly. ‘They like Gabe. He’s taller than me.’
Her forehead immediately creased again with worry. He sighed inwardly.
‘It doesn’t matter. Don’t worry about it, Mum.’
Jack took another bite of the bagel, pushing his teeth hard through the tough dough. Just chewing it made his stomach tighten painfully again.
Why was she frowning? Being small was his problem, not hers.
He chewed even harder.
Out of nowhere, Jack suddenly felt very, very cross.
She had locked that stupid, embarrassing gate again last night, even though Nana had told her not to. She had completely lied to Nana. Done the opposite of what she’d promised. And now he knew that she’d lied, and Nana didn’t, and if Nana asked him when he went to stay this weekend, and he told her the truth, Mum would be cross.
He glanced at his mum, but her eyes were lost again, somewhere off in her secret place.
Why did she always have to make everybody so worried?
Why could he never tell her he was scared of the strange noises he heard in the wardrobe at night? Or of the cramps in his stomach, which he suspected might be caused by the same disease that boy had on Children in Need? Or of the Year Eight boys who were making him and Gabe a bit nervous?
Why could he not tell Mum any of this without her stealing his worries and turning them into her own, making it worse, not better?
Jack sat back.
A second wave of anger engulfed him.
A thought took him by
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