Read Online Whore Stories by Tyler Stoddard Smith - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Tyler Stoddard Smith
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Raw or endorsing “Chronic Candy,” a line of sweet treats that taste like marijuana.
Snoop eventually had to give up the pimp lifestyle. As Ice Cube asserts, “pimpin’ ain’t easy,” and Snoop concurs. Sometimes the whole pimping endeavor can be just too much trouble—the government red tape, the Feds, health insurance, Roth IRAs, etc.—who can maintain a music/youth football/pimp/actor schedule and stay sane? We can’t blame Snoop for getting out of the game. Reminiscing about his time as a pimp, Snoop was often faced with what Kierkegaard might have called a “pimpological suspension of the ethical,” with regard to slapping hos. Correction: “Bitches.”
I made sure my bitch would never talk shit to me. She always got all the money upfront, she never looked in another pimp’s eyes, she kept her head down. But I wasn’t a gorilla pimp where I was beatin’ the girls up. I was more finesse with it, just givin’ you a comfort zone and providing you with opportunity ’cause I know so many motherfuckers who like buyin’ it, so if you come fuck with me, it’s not as much of a risk as bein’ with a gorilla pimp. He gon’ be hard on you and rush you, as opposed to a nigga like me who’s gonna relax and let you go get it. And if you don’t go get it you just gon’ be replaced.
Way to keep it classy, Calvin.
LULU WHITE
PRO FILE
DAY JOBS: Owner and operator of the famous Mahogany Hall brothel
CLAIM TO FAME: “Queen of the demimonde”
THEATER OF OPERATIONS: Storyville, New Orleans
Ladies and gentleman, I’ve worked in advertising and “branding” long enough to know compelling ad copy when I see it. I’ve also suffered countless “focus groups,” typically a collection of confused, half-drunk people trying to say nice things about a shitty product. The resulting brainfart typically yields a pamphlet or brochure that makes Silas Marner look like a page-turner.
“Storyville” was the official name for the red-light district of New Orleans from 1897 to 1917. The area is named for Big Easy alderman Sidney Story, who, taking a cue from Dutch and German prostitution ports in Europe, set up a special district where prostitution could be regulated and given a measure of oversight. Storyville was a thorough operation, where folk could get an idea of Storyville’s services—
including maps, recommendations, and available ladies—by perusing one of the handy “blue books” given to visitors and tourists and printed by the local government. These blue books gave critical information about individual houses of ill repute and their attendant employees. Think of it as a kind of hard copy adultfriendfinder.com with a fancy logo. Emblazoned on these blue books was an oath: Honi soit qui mal y pense , or “Evil be to him who evil thinks,” or, in today’s parlance, “Y’all can be freaky people, just don’t be nasty people.”
Every once in a while, however, I come face-to-face with an advertising campaign that inspires me and renews my faith in creativity and commerce. It would behoove advertising students and business owners alike to take a lesson from Ms. Lulu White: procuress, madam, queen of bling, and for the early years of the twentieth century, the owner of Mahogany Hall bordello in Storyville, New Orleans. Here’s an excerpt from the Mahogany Hall ad campaign:
The New Mahogany Hall . . . was erected specially for Miss Lulu White at a cost of $40,000. . . . The entire house is steam heated and is the handsomest house of its kind. It is the only one where you can get three shots for your money:
The shot upstairs,
The shot downstairs,
And the shot in the room.
Eschewing convention, Lulu doesn’t even add an exclamation point after the word “room.” Daring! Although, who the hell wants to spend valuable time traipsing up and down a bunch of stairs on the way to a romp in the hay? Of course, the denizens of Storyville at the turn of the twentieth century had no HDTV, Angry Birds, art crawls, or
Snoop eventually had to give up the pimp lifestyle. As Ice Cube asserts, “pimpin’ ain’t easy,” and Snoop concurs. Sometimes the whole pimping endeavor can be just too much trouble—the government red tape, the Feds, health insurance, Roth IRAs, etc.—who can maintain a music/youth football/pimp/actor schedule and stay sane? We can’t blame Snoop for getting out of the game. Reminiscing about his time as a pimp, Snoop was often faced with what Kierkegaard might have called a “pimpological suspension of the ethical,” with regard to slapping hos. Correction: “Bitches.”
I made sure my bitch would never talk shit to me. She always got all the money upfront, she never looked in another pimp’s eyes, she kept her head down. But I wasn’t a gorilla pimp where I was beatin’ the girls up. I was more finesse with it, just givin’ you a comfort zone and providing you with opportunity ’cause I know so many motherfuckers who like buyin’ it, so if you come fuck with me, it’s not as much of a risk as bein’ with a gorilla pimp. He gon’ be hard on you and rush you, as opposed to a nigga like me who’s gonna relax and let you go get it. And if you don’t go get it you just gon’ be replaced.
Way to keep it classy, Calvin.
LULU WHITE
PRO FILE
DAY JOBS: Owner and operator of the famous Mahogany Hall brothel
CLAIM TO FAME: “Queen of the demimonde”
THEATER OF OPERATIONS: Storyville, New Orleans
Ladies and gentleman, I’ve worked in advertising and “branding” long enough to know compelling ad copy when I see it. I’ve also suffered countless “focus groups,” typically a collection of confused, half-drunk people trying to say nice things about a shitty product. The resulting brainfart typically yields a pamphlet or brochure that makes Silas Marner look like a page-turner.
“Storyville” was the official name for the red-light district of New Orleans from 1897 to 1917. The area is named for Big Easy alderman Sidney Story, who, taking a cue from Dutch and German prostitution ports in Europe, set up a special district where prostitution could be regulated and given a measure of oversight. Storyville was a thorough operation, where folk could get an idea of Storyville’s services—
including maps, recommendations, and available ladies—by perusing one of the handy “blue books” given to visitors and tourists and printed by the local government. These blue books gave critical information about individual houses of ill repute and their attendant employees. Think of it as a kind of hard copy adultfriendfinder.com with a fancy logo. Emblazoned on these blue books was an oath: Honi soit qui mal y pense , or “Evil be to him who evil thinks,” or, in today’s parlance, “Y’all can be freaky people, just don’t be nasty people.”
Every once in a while, however, I come face-to-face with an advertising campaign that inspires me and renews my faith in creativity and commerce. It would behoove advertising students and business owners alike to take a lesson from Ms. Lulu White: procuress, madam, queen of bling, and for the early years of the twentieth century, the owner of Mahogany Hall bordello in Storyville, New Orleans. Here’s an excerpt from the Mahogany Hall ad campaign:
The New Mahogany Hall . . . was erected specially for Miss Lulu White at a cost of $40,000. . . . The entire house is steam heated and is the handsomest house of its kind. It is the only one where you can get three shots for your money:
The shot upstairs,
The shot downstairs,
And the shot in the room.
Eschewing convention, Lulu doesn’t even add an exclamation point after the word “room.” Daring! Although, who the hell wants to spend valuable time traipsing up and down a bunch of stairs on the way to a romp in the hay? Of course, the denizens of Storyville at the turn of the twentieth century had no HDTV, Angry Birds, art crawls, or
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