Read Online Whore Stories by Tyler Stoddard Smith - Free Book Online

give us hope that if there’s ever like a global Internet crash and we’re back to rotary phones, somebody will know what the hell to do about offline sex. From the new-jack pimp to the old-school procuress, here are the head honchos behind the whores.
JESSIE WILLIAMS AND EDNA MILTON
PRO FILE
DAY JOB: Owners/proprietors of “The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas”
CLAIM TO FAME: See above
THEATER OF OPERATIONS: And see above again, y’all
Born Faye Stewart in 1881, “Miss Jessie” was owner and proprietor of the storied “Best Little Whorehouse in Texas,” made famous by the Broadway musical of the same name (an inferior movie version was also made in 1982, starring a moustache and two enormous breasts). When she took over the brothel in 1905, it was a fledgling operation, but Jessie, who had escaped a wretched life of poverty in nearby Waco, set out to turn her little establishment in La Grange into the West Texas capital of fornication.
The bordello did exceedingly well during World War I, but like every business, it took a hit during the Great Depression. Jessie, entrepreneurial spirit that she was, changed the name of her floundering enterprise to “The Chicken Ranch,” and she was back in business with a vengeance. “What in the F is a whorehouse doing calling itself ‘The Chicken Ranch,’” you ask? Yes, the name does carry with it the suggestion of barnyard bestiality, but it made perfect sense at the time. In 1932, the fee for services was about $1.50 per “poke,” a lot of money when Wall Street bankers have taken all of your savings and your farm. You have nothing left except these stupid chickens—maybe a heft of manure, but that’s pushing things. But, wait. Have you heard? Miss Jessie is trading pokes for poultry! That’s right, Miss Jessie tweaked her business model a bit, and the brothel was back.
For years, Miss Jessie and the gang at the Chicken Ranch also had a tacit arrangement with the local police, which was essentially this: The girls and I will be on the outskirts of town doing business if you will look the other way. That worked out for everybody, including the entire Texas A&M football team (allegedly), for a very long time. When Miss Jessie died in 1961, she bequeathed the brothel to her favorite prostitute, Edna Milton. Edna ran the place as a tribute to Miss Jessie, helping out with civic projects like Little League baseball teams and the community hospital. Local legend and long-time sheriff of La Grange, Jim Flournoy, used to state with pride, “That Chicken Ranch has been here all my life and all my daddy’s life and never caused anybody any trouble.”
“If a woman hasn’t got a tiny streak of a harlot in her, she’s a dry stick as a rule.”
—D. H. Lawrence, British author of the controversial Sons and Lovers and Lady Chatterley’s Lover
In 1973 trouble eventually found Edna, Sheriff Flournoy, and the girls of the Chicken Ranch, when a local reporter out of Houston, Marvin Zindler, went and ruined things for everyone. Marvin was an odious and officious presence on the Houston news. He was also an ugly man, a plastic surgeon’s dream, whose nipped-and-ripped-within-an-inch-of-its-life visage made this lunatic resemble nothing so much as a constipated orc. Marvin and his local news team arranged a sting, and the Chicken Ranch was forced to shut its doors. The ghost of Miss Jessie Williams, a host of happy johns, and a legion of innocent chickens pecked a hole in the sky that day. Even then-governor of Texas, Dolph Briscoe, resisted closing the ranch, but Zindler made such a stink on air about it, that Governor Briscoe’s hands were tied—and not in the good way. Edna stayed behind and tried to go legit, but with little success. She eventually gave up and moved to East Texas.
Zindler, positively orgasmic over his newfound fame, did a
follow-up report eighteen months later, in which a hopping mad Sheriff Flournoy grabbed Zindler and then ripped off the newsman’s wig.