down here fades away. He could start over with us.
"First show?" Leslie asks as she hooks her arm with mine. We stand front row in the center, like we own the band.
"Since we moved here. I never missed a show back home with the old band."
"Miles is good. Just what they needed. We are all glad he showed up when he did."
Miles strums the first few notes and the voices in the room fade away. It's a new song for me but it feels familiar, and that pride and love I would always feel comes back to me. The band plays their first song, Leslie singing along quietly beside me.
I've never been to this bar. I've never met these people. I've never heard this song before. But it feels like I have stood here a thousand times, watching Miles sing and play his guitar. No matter what, that's my best friend's essence pouring out up there. And that's something I know.
For the next half hour, Leslie and I soak up the music. We have a few drinks and I fall a little in love with her. Miles's voice fills the room and for a while, I forget where I am. I forget that I'm in Florida and why we moved here. The constant worries about my dad and sister dull in my mind. I am just me in this moment. It's perfect.
The guys announce they are taking a break, and Miles jumps down in front of me.
"What did you think?" he asks. His smile is wide but his eyes look nervous.
"It was amazing. The songs were amazing."
He looks proud and beams down at me. There's a light sheen of sweat on his forehead and his hair is damp, but he looks good. I'm stuck staring up into his eyes as they reflect the red and orange lights that are flashing above us.
"London," he says almost so low I don't hear it.
"Miles."
He steps closer and I can feel the heat coming off his chest. There's only about an inch between us. I can smell the mixture of soap and smoke from the one cigarette he has before every gig. I feel a flutter of nerves when his face lowers to mine. I lick my lips and his gaze snaps to them.
"I'm going to kiss you again."
He doesn't give me an option to respond. His fingers weave into my hair and he pulls me in, taking my lips softly. It's so soft it almost tickles. Among the thousands of thoughts assaulting my mind, I battle between wanting more and wanting less.
He gives me more. Miles wraps his other hand around me and pulls me flush against him. His tongue eases my lips open and slips inside. I can taste the smoke and mint on him. It's so familiar and at the same time, I feel like I'm tasting something I shouldn't be. Like this side of Miles isn't meant for me to have.
I pull back, gasping for air. I feel lightheaded but I'm wrapped in Miles's arms. He won't let me fall.
"Fuck, London," he whispers against my mouth. "Always pulling away."
My eyes water as I ease out of his arms. Miles sighs and stares up at the ceiling, frustration evident all over him.
"I'm sorry," I say.
"Quit saying that, London."
"I don't want to lose you as a friend."
"You'll never lose me," he says, pulling me back into his arms desperately.
"I can't . . . ever. What would Brooklyn think?"
His body goes tense and his grip tightens.
"Why does it matter what Brooklyn thinks?"
I swallow and look up into his eyes. He's looking at me like my next words are important. Like the next few moments could change everything.
"I saw you guys that night. By the tree house."
His arms drop and he closes his eyes. I never meant to mention it to either of them. If they wanted me to know, they would have told me. Brooklyn never keeps anything from me. Until that moment that they kissed in the backyard. While the storm rolled in and I shook with fear, they gave into to something that was always there.
I can't pretend it didn't happen. I wasn't hurt or mad. What hurt was the weeks rolling by and no one telling me. Kissing Miles now makes me feel guilty because of lies that are not even mine.
"It didn't mean anything."
I shake my head and put
"First show?" Leslie asks as she hooks her arm with mine. We stand front row in the center, like we own the band.
"Since we moved here. I never missed a show back home with the old band."
"Miles is good. Just what they needed. We are all glad he showed up when he did."
Miles strums the first few notes and the voices in the room fade away. It's a new song for me but it feels familiar, and that pride and love I would always feel comes back to me. The band plays their first song, Leslie singing along quietly beside me.
I've never been to this bar. I've never met these people. I've never heard this song before. But it feels like I have stood here a thousand times, watching Miles sing and play his guitar. No matter what, that's my best friend's essence pouring out up there. And that's something I know.
For the next half hour, Leslie and I soak up the music. We have a few drinks and I fall a little in love with her. Miles's voice fills the room and for a while, I forget where I am. I forget that I'm in Florida and why we moved here. The constant worries about my dad and sister dull in my mind. I am just me in this moment. It's perfect.
The guys announce they are taking a break, and Miles jumps down in front of me.
"What did you think?" he asks. His smile is wide but his eyes look nervous.
"It was amazing. The songs were amazing."
He looks proud and beams down at me. There's a light sheen of sweat on his forehead and his hair is damp, but he looks good. I'm stuck staring up into his eyes as they reflect the red and orange lights that are flashing above us.
"London," he says almost so low I don't hear it.
"Miles."
He steps closer and I can feel the heat coming off his chest. There's only about an inch between us. I can smell the mixture of soap and smoke from the one cigarette he has before every gig. I feel a flutter of nerves when his face lowers to mine. I lick my lips and his gaze snaps to them.
"I'm going to kiss you again."
He doesn't give me an option to respond. His fingers weave into my hair and he pulls me in, taking my lips softly. It's so soft it almost tickles. Among the thousands of thoughts assaulting my mind, I battle between wanting more and wanting less.
He gives me more. Miles wraps his other hand around me and pulls me flush against him. His tongue eases my lips open and slips inside. I can taste the smoke and mint on him. It's so familiar and at the same time, I feel like I'm tasting something I shouldn't be. Like this side of Miles isn't meant for me to have.
I pull back, gasping for air. I feel lightheaded but I'm wrapped in Miles's arms. He won't let me fall.
"Fuck, London," he whispers against my mouth. "Always pulling away."
My eyes water as I ease out of his arms. Miles sighs and stares up at the ceiling, frustration evident all over him.
"I'm sorry," I say.
"Quit saying that, London."
"I don't want to lose you as a friend."
"You'll never lose me," he says, pulling me back into his arms desperately.
"I can't . . . ever. What would Brooklyn think?"
His body goes tense and his grip tightens.
"Why does it matter what Brooklyn thinks?"
I swallow and look up into his eyes. He's looking at me like my next words are important. Like the next few moments could change everything.
"I saw you guys that night. By the tree house."
His arms drop and he closes his eyes. I never meant to mention it to either of them. If they wanted me to know, they would have told me. Brooklyn never keeps anything from me. Until that moment that they kissed in the backyard. While the storm rolled in and I shook with fear, they gave into to something that was always there.
I can't pretend it didn't happen. I wasn't hurt or mad. What hurt was the weeks rolling by and no one telling me. Kissing Miles now makes me feel guilty because of lies that are not even mine.
"It didn't mean anything."
I shake my head and put
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