dropped my hands to my side, feeling wrong for touching her. “I…I guess I’m not handling this well.”
She crossed her arms over her chest.
“I’m just…so angry. I’m so mad. It’s not fair.” I felt my emotion break. I didn’t want her to see this side of me. I was weak. I was supposed to be a man, to be the strong and silent type. Emotions had no business in my life. But I couldn’t keep it back. “Every time I think about what happened to you…I die inside. I love you so much and it kills me every time I think about it. It haunts my thoughts and my dreams. I hate myself for not being there, for not stopping it. Knowing that was your first time…it makes me sick.” The tears broke the surface and I turned away from her, not letting her see my face. “I hate that this happened to you.”
She stepped closer to me then put her hands on my back. She didn’t try to turn me around. Instead, she massaged my muscles, trying to calm me. The tears fell down my face for a moment before I stopped them. My face was warm and the drops moved to my lips. “It’s okay…” Her fingers massaged the back of my neck.
“How could you possibly ever trust me?”
“You aren’t like them.” She said it simply, with no emotion. “I’m slowly realizing that not every guy is a pig. There are men out there who respect others, who are gentle despite their size, and they love fiercely and with their whole heart. And I found one.”
I wiped the tears off my face and blinked my eyes. “I would never do something like that, not to you. Not to anyone.”
“I know,” she said quietly.
“I just didn’t know how to be around you…I needed time to process it. The fact you were a virgin pushed me over the edge.”
“I understand.”
“But I’m not going anywhere—not ever.”
“I know that too.”
I turned around, finally able to show my face.
She stared into my eyes before she moved into my chest. She was a foot shorter than me, so I could easily rest my head on hers. Her petite size made me more protective of her. She barely weighed a hundred and thirty pounds. I was twice her size and weight.
I pressed a kiss to her forehead while I held her in my entryway. Getting all of that off my chest made me feel better. I guess I just needed to talk about it, to come to terms with it. “You’re comforting me when I should be comforting you.”
“You comfort me every day, Scotty—more than you realize.”
I held her, harboring the pain with her. Now she didn’t have to be burned with the torment anymore. I could share the load with her. I could carry all of it if she let me. “You should tell Ash.”
“No,” she said immediately. “It’ll ruin him.”
“I know you’re trying to protect him, but he needs to know. He’ll understand you better. He won’t push you to be something you aren’t. And he can help you.”
“I can’t hurt him. My brother acts like he despises me but I know how much he loves me. He’ll hate himself for not protecting me, for not noticing the signs. He’ll feel like a failure.”
“Even so…”
“I just can’t.”
I decided not to push her. “And as much as I hate to admit it, you should tell your parents.”
“Definitely not,” she said firmly.
I didn’t press her on that topic either. Instead, I held her close to me, feeling my love for her grow. “What are there names?” This is what I really wanted to know, needed to know.
“Who?”
“You know who,” I said through gritted teeth.
She pulled away. “I don’t know…I didn’t see their faces. Everything was a blur and they blindfolded me. All I heard were there voices.”
“You recognized someone at that party. Who was it?” I wouldn’t be discouraged by any dead end.
“Well…he was one of them. The others I don’t know.”
A lead. “What’s his name?”
She gave me a fearful look. “Why?”
“Just give me his name.”
Livia wouldn’t budge. “No. I know what you’ll
She crossed her arms over her chest.
“I’m just…so angry. I’m so mad. It’s not fair.” I felt my emotion break. I didn’t want her to see this side of me. I was weak. I was supposed to be a man, to be the strong and silent type. Emotions had no business in my life. But I couldn’t keep it back. “Every time I think about what happened to you…I die inside. I love you so much and it kills me every time I think about it. It haunts my thoughts and my dreams. I hate myself for not being there, for not stopping it. Knowing that was your first time…it makes me sick.” The tears broke the surface and I turned away from her, not letting her see my face. “I hate that this happened to you.”
She stepped closer to me then put her hands on my back. She didn’t try to turn me around. Instead, she massaged my muscles, trying to calm me. The tears fell down my face for a moment before I stopped them. My face was warm and the drops moved to my lips. “It’s okay…” Her fingers massaged the back of my neck.
“How could you possibly ever trust me?”
“You aren’t like them.” She said it simply, with no emotion. “I’m slowly realizing that not every guy is a pig. There are men out there who respect others, who are gentle despite their size, and they love fiercely and with their whole heart. And I found one.”
I wiped the tears off my face and blinked my eyes. “I would never do something like that, not to you. Not to anyone.”
“I know,” she said quietly.
“I just didn’t know how to be around you…I needed time to process it. The fact you were a virgin pushed me over the edge.”
“I understand.”
“But I’m not going anywhere—not ever.”
“I know that too.”
I turned around, finally able to show my face.
She stared into my eyes before she moved into my chest. She was a foot shorter than me, so I could easily rest my head on hers. Her petite size made me more protective of her. She barely weighed a hundred and thirty pounds. I was twice her size and weight.
I pressed a kiss to her forehead while I held her in my entryway. Getting all of that off my chest made me feel better. I guess I just needed to talk about it, to come to terms with it. “You’re comforting me when I should be comforting you.”
“You comfort me every day, Scotty—more than you realize.”
I held her, harboring the pain with her. Now she didn’t have to be burned with the torment anymore. I could share the load with her. I could carry all of it if she let me. “You should tell Ash.”
“No,” she said immediately. “It’ll ruin him.”
“I know you’re trying to protect him, but he needs to know. He’ll understand you better. He won’t push you to be something you aren’t. And he can help you.”
“I can’t hurt him. My brother acts like he despises me but I know how much he loves me. He’ll hate himself for not protecting me, for not noticing the signs. He’ll feel like a failure.”
“Even so…”
“I just can’t.”
I decided not to push her. “And as much as I hate to admit it, you should tell your parents.”
“Definitely not,” she said firmly.
I didn’t press her on that topic either. Instead, I held her close to me, feeling my love for her grow. “What are there names?” This is what I really wanted to know, needed to know.
“Who?”
“You know who,” I said through gritted teeth.
She pulled away. “I don’t know…I didn’t see their faces. Everything was a blur and they blindfolded me. All I heard were there voices.”
“You recognized someone at that party. Who was it?” I wouldn’t be discouraged by any dead end.
“Well…he was one of them. The others I don’t know.”
A lead. “What’s his name?”
She gave me a fearful look. “Why?”
“Just give me his name.”
Livia wouldn’t budge. “No. I know what you’ll
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