Read Online Breathe Me (A 'Me' Novel) by Jeri Williams - Free Book Online

is no way in hell I would go on national TV and admit how much of a whore I am, or that I don’t know what my sexual identity is. They are losers.” She laughed as if she pitied them. That was the thing about my mother—she always saw herself better than most people, even though she would never admit in a million centuries that she was below them.
    “What’s with you? You’re so quiet today.” She eyed me.
    Breathe, act normal.
    “Nothing, just tired, I suppose,” I replied in a meek voice I couldn’t help. I hated that I gave her the satisfaction of knowing I was scared of her.
    “Tired of what? It ain’t like you work hard at a stupid bookstore.” She sneered, and I fought hard not to correct her grammar.
    Life, I was tired of life, I thought, but instead, I just shrugged my shoulders, and that was good enough of a reply for her. But I really was tired, of being lonely and feeling stuck and pretending. Damn, I was tired of pretending. There was a part of me, a rather big part, that was small, weak, and vulnerable and just wanted someone to love me. Wanted to have a mother who didn’t look at me with such hatred and disgust, to be loved. That part, that longing, was what I hid because that part made her stand up and cheer and made me want to give up.
    And it always showed around her.
    Some days I wished I could show someone the real me, the fragile dreamer destined to live a lifeless life. But instead, the only person I talked to when I was off was my mother. Ember had long since stopped trying to get me out of the house on my days off because I’d finally told her that my days off were for “family time,” and she left me alone. Family time, what a fucking joke.
    I hated making small talk with my mother. When I was young, I learned that small talk usually resulted in me saying something to piss her off, and that meant getting my ass beat. No, it was better for me not to say much. We watched TV silently for a few hours, and I relaxed a little. If she was going to strike, she would have done it by now. She started cleaning after there was nothing else good on TV, and I helped. She liked when she didn’t have to ask me to do things. After an hour of cleaning, my back felt like it was on fire, and after taking a shower, I went to take a nap.
    I awoke to laughter from somewhere in the house. Sitting up, I rubbed the sleep from eyes and checked the time: after midnight. That could mean only one thing. Creeping over to the door, I cracked it and listened.
    “I didn’t think you’d actually call me back,” I heard my mom say in a strange, almost flirtatious voice.
    “Well, the way you sucked my dick that last time, I wanted more. What could I say?” said a greasy male voice that instantly made me recoil. Gross.
    I closed my door quickly and threw on some shoes. If she had a man over, she wouldn’t pay any attention to me. I learned to stay hidden on these nights.
    I slipped out my window and started walking to nowhere since it was a nice night. The sky was clear and shone bright with the new moon. I walked for a few minutes, secretly hoping to run into a certain brooding male, but he didn’t look like the type to just walk around. I walked past an all-night diner and realized I hadn’t eaten since this morning. I slowed my walk and savored the smell of hamburgers and fried food. I didn’t have any money and was starving. I read this book once about losing weight. It had said to try and visualize yourself eating what you crave, and that way you wouldn’t be hungry for it. Food was mind over matter. You were not really hungry; your mind just thought it was. So that was what I was thinking about until I could get home and eat something, if the coast was clear. I closed my eyes and let the smells take over me. I imagined I was eating meatloaf with green beans and savoring every bite.
    “Harley?”
    Fuck my life a thousand times over. This could not be happening. What are the odds that I’d run into him not