Eli asked.
“She’s alive. I think she remarried a few years back.” Derek shrugged.
“What about Dad?” I asked.
Derek shook his head. “He didn’t know how to deal with losing you, so he married some woman he worked with and started a new family. He tries to get me to come over a lot, but . . .” He shrugged.
My parents were suddenly on different sides. Derek had chosen my mom.
I nodded, though I wasn’t sure what I was agreeing to, if anything. None of this felt real. It felt like a nightmare. I wondered if I would wake up tomorrow and be with Janelle. I wondered how much I was willing to erase, how far I would go back if I could.
Eli looked at me. “Let’s go to bed.”
W e slept in my old bedroom.
The room was the same as I left it, except for the thick layer of dust covering everything. When I was nine, for Derek’s birthday, my parents gave him his own room with a new bed and let him paint it and decorate it however he wanted to. Both of our childhood beds were still in my room. They were old wooden beds that had actually been my dad’s when he was a kid. You could put them together like bunk beds or separate them.
Eli sneezed as he shook out the comforter on Derek’s old bed.
On the window was a dusty picture frame. I wiped my fingers through the dust. It was me, Derek, and our dog, Hope. I hadn’t been able to ask about her, not once Derek started telling us how things had changed. Seven years had gone by, but I’d hoped she would still be here. It was clear she wasn’t, and if my parents had been in jail and my brother sent to a group home, Hope would have gone to a shelter or new owners. Wherever she was, I hoped she was happy.
The wind whistled through the window frame, and I listened to the muted, faraway sound of the chimes outside. I looked at the bed in front of me and thought of Janelle. Was she getting into bed thinking of me, too?
We shouldn’t have left her there in Park Village like that.
The mattress on the other bed creaked from Eli’s weight. I pulled my own covers back, the fabric rustling as it revealed flannel sheets with fire trucks on them.
“Remember when we slept over here during that freak snowstorm?” Eli said suddenly. “We were, like, eight I think.”
“Yeah, it only snowed, like, an inch, but your dad declared a state of emergency and had a snowplow drive him over the next morning to pick you up.”
“I was so pissed,” he said. “You and Reid and Ian got to all stay here and hang out and play Space Shield and I had to go home.”
“They were here for almost three full days. My dad kept joking that if we ran out of food we would eat Reid first because Ian was too skinny.”
Eli laughed. “He was really fucking skinny. I wonder what happened to him.”
I didn’t want to think about it. He was just another casualty in all the lives I’d ruined by falling through the portal. Everything that had happened here—our families falling apart, the people Eli’s father had jailed or executed—that was all on me. Plus everything that had gone wrong in Janelle’s world, all the people who died from the disasters, the people who were pulled through the portals. If I just hadn’t fallen through it that first time, things would be so different.
“How could he do it?” Eli asked. I knew from his tone that he’d switched directions. He was talking about Reid now.
I didn’t answer. I didn’t know.
Eli must not have expected an answer, because as I stared at my ceiling, I heard him roll over and sigh. I wondered how long it would take both of us to fall asleep. If exhaustion would claim us or if we’d lie awake, unable to relax.
I thought about Reid and how it wasn’t right what happened to him. The things he had done.
It all happened so fast.
Reid had confessed.
“He surprised me,” he said, turning from Eli to Janelle. “I was in the middle of trying to get a portal open, and he just walked in like he owned the place. The portal opened
“She’s alive. I think she remarried a few years back.” Derek shrugged.
“What about Dad?” I asked.
Derek shook his head. “He didn’t know how to deal with losing you, so he married some woman he worked with and started a new family. He tries to get me to come over a lot, but . . .” He shrugged.
My parents were suddenly on different sides. Derek had chosen my mom.
I nodded, though I wasn’t sure what I was agreeing to, if anything. None of this felt real. It felt like a nightmare. I wondered if I would wake up tomorrow and be with Janelle. I wondered how much I was willing to erase, how far I would go back if I could.
Eli looked at me. “Let’s go to bed.”
W e slept in my old bedroom.
The room was the same as I left it, except for the thick layer of dust covering everything. When I was nine, for Derek’s birthday, my parents gave him his own room with a new bed and let him paint it and decorate it however he wanted to. Both of our childhood beds were still in my room. They were old wooden beds that had actually been my dad’s when he was a kid. You could put them together like bunk beds or separate them.
Eli sneezed as he shook out the comforter on Derek’s old bed.
On the window was a dusty picture frame. I wiped my fingers through the dust. It was me, Derek, and our dog, Hope. I hadn’t been able to ask about her, not once Derek started telling us how things had changed. Seven years had gone by, but I’d hoped she would still be here. It was clear she wasn’t, and if my parents had been in jail and my brother sent to a group home, Hope would have gone to a shelter or new owners. Wherever she was, I hoped she was happy.
The wind whistled through the window frame, and I listened to the muted, faraway sound of the chimes outside. I looked at the bed in front of me and thought of Janelle. Was she getting into bed thinking of me, too?
We shouldn’t have left her there in Park Village like that.
The mattress on the other bed creaked from Eli’s weight. I pulled my own covers back, the fabric rustling as it revealed flannel sheets with fire trucks on them.
“Remember when we slept over here during that freak snowstorm?” Eli said suddenly. “We were, like, eight I think.”
“Yeah, it only snowed, like, an inch, but your dad declared a state of emergency and had a snowplow drive him over the next morning to pick you up.”
“I was so pissed,” he said. “You and Reid and Ian got to all stay here and hang out and play Space Shield and I had to go home.”
“They were here for almost three full days. My dad kept joking that if we ran out of food we would eat Reid first because Ian was too skinny.”
Eli laughed. “He was really fucking skinny. I wonder what happened to him.”
I didn’t want to think about it. He was just another casualty in all the lives I’d ruined by falling through the portal. Everything that had happened here—our families falling apart, the people Eli’s father had jailed or executed—that was all on me. Plus everything that had gone wrong in Janelle’s world, all the people who died from the disasters, the people who were pulled through the portals. If I just hadn’t fallen through it that first time, things would be so different.
“How could he do it?” Eli asked. I knew from his tone that he’d switched directions. He was talking about Reid now.
I didn’t answer. I didn’t know.
Eli must not have expected an answer, because as I stared at my ceiling, I heard him roll over and sigh. I wondered how long it would take both of us to fall asleep. If exhaustion would claim us or if we’d lie awake, unable to relax.
I thought about Reid and how it wasn’t right what happened to him. The things he had done.
It all happened so fast.
Reid had confessed.
“He surprised me,” he said, turning from Eli to Janelle. “I was in the middle of trying to get a portal open, and he just walked in like he owned the place. The portal opened
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