Read Online Uncle John’s Unstoppable Bathroom Reader by Bathroom Readers’ Institute - Free Book Online
Authors: Bathroom Readers’ Institute
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later. It was Bob’s Septic Service on the line. It seems that between when he bought the ring and when it was delivered, Purkey had lost 40 pounds. The ring was too loose and slipped off his finger…into the toilet just as he was flushing it . An employee of the septic service found it in their filtering system. She cleaned it off, researched the date and initials, and in November 2001 gave it back to its original owner. Purkey claimed to be grateful, but wasn’t thrilled about wearing it again. “It was never really lost,” he said, “I just didn’t wanna go get it.”
Worldwide, about 20% of all married couples are first cousins.
PRIMETIME PROVERBS
Reflections on life from some of today’s most popular shows .
ON LAWYERS
Corporal Cortez: “They’re not going to be glad to see us.”
Harm: “I’m a lawyer, Corporal, no one’s ever glad to see me.”
— J.A.G
ON LISTENING
Kelly: “Dad, you haven’t heard a single word I’ve said!”
Ozzy: “Can I explain something? You haven’t been standing in front of 50 billion decibels for the past thirty years! Leave me a note!”
— The Osbournes
ON ENDANGERED SPECIES
Stan: “Dolphins are intelligent and friendly.”
Cartman: “Intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonnaise.”
— South Park
ON LOVE
“My love for you is like this scar: ugly, but permanent.”
— Grace, Will and Grace
ON EATING
“Cheese: it’s milk that you chew.”
— Chandler, Friends
ON DEATH
Frasier: “There’s nothing you can do when the cold hand of Death comes knocking on your door…”
( knock at door )
Frasier: “Would you get that?”
Niles: “I most certainly will not!”
— Frasier
ON HIGHER EDUCATION
“College is for ugly girls who can’t get modeling contracts.”
— Kelso, That ‘70s Show
ON ANIMALS
“If frogs could fly…well, we’d still be in this mess, but wouldn’t it be neat?”
— Drew, The Drew Carey Show
ON HIGH SCHOOL
Andie: “You guys are a bunch of cynics, you know that? I mean, what kind of high school memories will you have if all you did in high school was bitch and moan about everything?”
Joey: “Bitching memories.”
Dawson: “Moaning memories.”
— Dawson’s Creek
First coast-to-coast paved highway in U.S.: Lincoln Highway (N.Y–S.F.). It opened in 1913.
NAME THAT SLEUTH
It took us a while, but using time-tested sleuthing techniques, we finally solved…The Mystery of the Fictional Detective Names .
P ERRY MASON (1933)
As a youngster, author Erle Stanley Gardner subscribed to a boy’s fiction magazine, The Youth’s Companion , and learned a lot about writing from the stories he read. The Youth’s Companion was published by…Perry Mason and Company.
SPENSER FOR HIRE (1973)
Robert B. Parker first introduced his streetwise, Chaucer-quoting, beer-drinking, gourmet-cooking, Bostonian, ex-boxer private investigator in The Godwulf Manuscript . Parker saw Spenser as a tough guy but also as a knight in shining armor and named him after the English poet (and Shakespeare contemporary) Edmund Spenser.
MIKE HAMMER (1947)
Writer Mickey Spillane had been in and out of the comic book business for years when he tried to sell a new detective strip to some New York publishers in 1946. The character’s name was Mike Danger. When no one would buy, he decided to turn it into a novel and changed the name to Mike Hammer, after one of his favorite haunts, Hammer’s Bar and Grill.
SHERLOCK HOLMES AND DR. JOHN WATSON (1887)
Dr. Watson is believed to have been inspired by author Arthur Conan Doyle’s friend Dr. James Watson. It’s less clear how he named the famous sleuth whom he originally named Sherringford Holmes. Most experts say Doyle took “Holmes” from American Supreme Court justice, physician and poet Oliver Wendell Holmes, well-known for his probing intellect and attention to detail. Sherringford was changed to Sherlock, Doyle enthusiasts say, for a famous violinist of the time, Alfred Sherlock.
Worldwide, about 20% of all married couples are first cousins.
PRIMETIME PROVERBS
Reflections on life from some of today’s most popular shows .
ON LAWYERS
Corporal Cortez: “They’re not going to be glad to see us.”
Harm: “I’m a lawyer, Corporal, no one’s ever glad to see me.”
— J.A.G
ON LISTENING
Kelly: “Dad, you haven’t heard a single word I’ve said!”
Ozzy: “Can I explain something? You haven’t been standing in front of 50 billion decibels for the past thirty years! Leave me a note!”
— The Osbournes
ON ENDANGERED SPECIES
Stan: “Dolphins are intelligent and friendly.”
Cartman: “Intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonnaise.”
— South Park
ON LOVE
“My love for you is like this scar: ugly, but permanent.”
— Grace, Will and Grace
ON EATING
“Cheese: it’s milk that you chew.”
— Chandler, Friends
ON DEATH
Frasier: “There’s nothing you can do when the cold hand of Death comes knocking on your door…”
( knock at door )
Frasier: “Would you get that?”
Niles: “I most certainly will not!”
— Frasier
ON HIGHER EDUCATION
“College is for ugly girls who can’t get modeling contracts.”
— Kelso, That ‘70s Show
ON ANIMALS
“If frogs could fly…well, we’d still be in this mess, but wouldn’t it be neat?”
— Drew, The Drew Carey Show
ON HIGH SCHOOL
Andie: “You guys are a bunch of cynics, you know that? I mean, what kind of high school memories will you have if all you did in high school was bitch and moan about everything?”
Joey: “Bitching memories.”
Dawson: “Moaning memories.”
— Dawson’s Creek
First coast-to-coast paved highway in U.S.: Lincoln Highway (N.Y–S.F.). It opened in 1913.
NAME THAT SLEUTH
It took us a while, but using time-tested sleuthing techniques, we finally solved…The Mystery of the Fictional Detective Names .
P ERRY MASON (1933)
As a youngster, author Erle Stanley Gardner subscribed to a boy’s fiction magazine, The Youth’s Companion , and learned a lot about writing from the stories he read. The Youth’s Companion was published by…Perry Mason and Company.
SPENSER FOR HIRE (1973)
Robert B. Parker first introduced his streetwise, Chaucer-quoting, beer-drinking, gourmet-cooking, Bostonian, ex-boxer private investigator in The Godwulf Manuscript . Parker saw Spenser as a tough guy but also as a knight in shining armor and named him after the English poet (and Shakespeare contemporary) Edmund Spenser.
MIKE HAMMER (1947)
Writer Mickey Spillane had been in and out of the comic book business for years when he tried to sell a new detective strip to some New York publishers in 1946. The character’s name was Mike Danger. When no one would buy, he decided to turn it into a novel and changed the name to Mike Hammer, after one of his favorite haunts, Hammer’s Bar and Grill.
SHERLOCK HOLMES AND DR. JOHN WATSON (1887)
Dr. Watson is believed to have been inspired by author Arthur Conan Doyle’s friend Dr. James Watson. It’s less clear how he named the famous sleuth whom he originally named Sherringford Holmes. Most experts say Doyle took “Holmes” from American Supreme Court justice, physician and poet Oliver Wendell Holmes, well-known for his probing intellect and attention to detail. Sherringford was changed to Sherlock, Doyle enthusiasts say, for a famous violinist of the time, Alfred Sherlock.
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