Read Online Uncle John's Ahh-Inspiring Bathroom Reader by Bathroom Readers’ Institute - Free Book Online

33%.
    â€œPodiatrists normally recommend ‘airplane aerobics’ to help circulation—including help for swelling feet.” (From The Odd Body: Mysteries of Our Weird and Wonderful Bodies Explained , by Dr. Stephen Juan)
STORM’S A-BREWIN’
    Q: Why do clouds darken to a very deep gray just before it’s about to rain or prior to a heavy thunderstorm?
    A: “Clouds normally appear white when the light which strikes them is scattered by the small ice or water particles from which they are composed. However, as the size of these ice and water particles increases—as it does just before clouds begin to deposit rain—this scattering of light is increasingly replaced by absorption. As a result, much less light reaches the observer on the ground below and the clouds look darker.” (From The Last Word 2 , edited by Mick O’Hare)
MY HEART GOES BOOM!
    Q: If nitroglycerin is an explosive, why don’t people who take nitroglycerin for heart conditions explode?
    A: “We all know that nitroglycerin is a highly explosive compound. It’s a volatile chemical cocktail combining carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, and oxygen. ‘Nitro’ taken in pill form helps heart patients by acting directly on the wall of the blood vessels. It dilates the vessels, which both increases the blood supply to the heart and reduces the work of the heart by reducing blood pressure.
    â€œBut according to Dr. Thomas Robertson, chief of the cardiac diseases branch of the U.S. National Institutes of Health, the amount of ‘nitro’ in heart medications is too small to cause any possible danger of a patient exploding—even if the patient overdosed a little and jumped up and down.” (From The Odd Body: Mysteries of Our Weird and Wonderful Bodies Explained , by Dr. Stephen Juan)

    Youth is a malady of which one becomes cured a little every day.
    â€”Italian proverb
    Q: How did cranberries get their name?…

FREE PORK WITH HOUSE
    Have you ever been stuck in the bathroom with nothing to read? (Our greatest fear.) Try flipping through the classifieds to look for ones like these.
FREE
    Beautiful 6-month-old kitten, playful, friendly, very affectionate OR… Handsome 32-year-old husband—personable, funny, good job, but hates cats. Says he goes or cat goes. Come see both and decide which you’d like.
    Free! 1 can of pork & beans with purchase of 3-Bedroom, 2-bath home
    German Shepherd 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German.
FOR SALE
    1-man, 7-woman hot tub, $850
    Amana Washer Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
    Cows, Calves never bred… also 1 gay bull for sale.
    Tickle Me Elmo , still in box, comes with its own 1988 Mustang, 5l, Auto, Excellent Condition $6800
    Georgia Peaches California Grown—89¢ lb.
    Fully cooked boneless smoked man—$2.09 lb.
    Kellogg’s Pot Tarts : $1.99 Box
    Exercise equipment: Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs—$175
    Used tombstone , perfect for someone named Homer Hendelbergenheinzel. One only.
    For Sale: Lee Majors (6 Million Dollar Man)—$50
    Turkey for sale : Partially eaten, eight days old, drumsticks still intact. $23 obo
MISCELLANEOUS
    Have Viagra . Need woman, any woman between 18 & 80.
    Shakespeare’s Pizza— Free Chopsticks
    Hummels —Largest selection. “If it’s in stock, we have it!”
    Wanted: Somebody to go back in time with me. This is not a joke. You’ll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before.
    Hairobért : If we can’t make you look good…You ugly!
    Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
    â€¦A: From crane berry —they grow on a stalk that looks like a crane’s neck.

LUCKY FINDS
    Ever found something really valuable? It’s one of the best feelings in the world. Here’s an installment of a regular Bathroom Reader feature.
H ONEST STAN
    The Find: $20,000
    Where It Was Found: In a drawer
    The