Read Online Unbeloved by Madeline Sheehan - Free Book Online

was overwhelming, stifling in its intensity. He wanted to look away from her, wanted to run from this room, from what he’d done to her. But like a car hitting a patch of ice, he could do nothing but watch as the guardrail came rushing up to slap him in the fucking face.
    Chrissy took a deep breath before slowly releasing it. “Dorothy,” she started, jolting Jase. “I want to know how she’s doing. And the child? The girls could never tell me much, only bits and pieces—”
    “ Chris,” he said, interrupting her. “Why are you bringing this up?”
    Irritation creased her features. “Because, Jason, I shot a woman, a pregnant woman. I could have killed her and that innocent baby, and I’ve lived with that fact every day, every year, since it happened. There’s nothing I regret more than what I did to her.”
    He supposed that made sense ; even so, he didn’t want to discuss Dorothy with Chrissy. But this wasn’t about him, and he owed Chrissy at least that much.
    Shrugging, he said, “As far as I know, she’s doin’ good.”
    “ You don’t see her?” Chrissy asked. “At all?”
    Feeling incredibly awkward discussing his longtime girlfriend with his wife, or ex-wife, even after all this time, Jase shook his head. “Not really. She comes into town sometimes, only to see Tegen or Eva. She never stays very long.”
    “ Not you,” Chrissy said. It wasn’t a question, but an observation.
    “ Not me,” Jase repeated. Even before her memories had returned to her, Dorothy had repeatedly refused any attempt he’d made to speak with her. And then, after Cage had gotten shot, when she’d threatened to kill him if he came near her again, he’d given up altogether.
    “ You lost everything,” Chrissy said.
    He stared at her. She didn ’t seem to be mocking him, she didn’t seem angry or bitter. In fact, much to his surprise, she appeared to have expected his answer.
    “ I lost everything,” he confirmed, then added quietly, “and because of me, so did you.”
    This time, it was Chrissy who shook her head. “I still have my girls.”
    Jase didn’t know how to respond to that other than to nod in agreement. It was the cold, hard truth. When it had all gone to shit, the girls had taken sides with their mother, barely acknowledging his existence even before they’d all left home. As much as it had stung, he hadn’t blamed them. He, more than anybody, hated what he’d done.
    “ For the longest time, I blamed you for everything,” she continued. “I hated you for lying to me, for betraying our marriage. Most of all, I hated you for destroying our family.
    “ But I’ve had a lot of time to think about . . . everything. And I’ve come to the realization that it wasn’t just your fault. The other women, Dorothy, I let that go on. I knew you weren’t happy, I’d always known, yet I chose to ignore it instead of dealing with it. It was only after I’d found out she was pregnant . . .” She trailed off, her eyes glistening with tears as she turned away from him.
    “ Chris,” he said softly. “You don’t have to—”
    “ No,” she insisted, sitting up straighter and wiping at her eyes. “I do. I need you to know how sorry I am. I asked Maribelle here for a reason, to give you some time together. I’d hoped . . .”
    She swallowed hard before speaking again. “It’s almost Christmas, Jason, and I’d hoped that it being the holidays and seeing each other would help somehow.”
    “ The girls don’t need me,” he said, nearly choking over his words as he fought back a rising wave of intense emotion. Fucking hell, he was so sensitive lately. Hopefully it wasn’t an aging thing, because if it was, if he made it to sixty, he’d be a weepy fucking mess. Worse than a goddamn woman.
    Chris sy reached across the table and surprising him, covered his left hand with hers. For a moment, he could only stare down at their hands, joined yet both without their wedding bands, and another wave of regret