Read Online Twittering from the Circus of the Dead by Joe Hill - Free Book Online Page A

room.
    11:11 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE I feel worst for him. A few more months and I’m gone forever, but he’s stuck with her for life and all her anger and the rest of it.
    11:13 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE I’m sure he wishes he just got us plane tickets now. Suddenly our van is looking like the setting for a cage-match duel to the death.
    11:15 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE All of us jammed in together for 3 days. Who will emerge alive? Place your bets, ladies and germs. Personally I predict no survivors.
    11:19 PM – 28 Feb from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE Arrr. Fuck. Shit. It was dark when I went to bed and it is dark now and Dad says it’s time to leave. This is so terribly wrong.
    6:21 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE We’re going. Mom gave the condo a careful search to make sure nothing got left behind, which is how she found me.
    7:01 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE Damn, knew I needed a better hiding place.
    7:02 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE Dad just said the whole trip ought to take between 35 and 40 hours. I offer this as conclusive proof there is no God.
    7:11 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE Tweeting just to piss Mom off. She knows if I’m typing something on my phone, I’m obviously engaged in sin.
    7:23 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE I’m expressing myself and staying in touch with my friends, and she hates it. Whereas if I was knitting and unpopular . . .
    7:25 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE . . . then I’d be just like her when she was 17. And I’d also marry the first guy who came along and get knocked up by 19.
    7:25 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE Coming down the mountain in the snow. Coming down the mountain in the snow. 1 more hairpin turn and my stomach’s gonna blow . . .
    7:30 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE My contribution to this glorious family moment is going to come when I barf on my little brother’s head.
    7:49 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE If we wind up in a snowbank and have a Donner Party, I know whose ass they’ll be chewing on first. Mine.
    7:52 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE Of course my survival skillz would amount to Twittering madly for someone to rescue us.
    7:54 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE Mom would make a slingshot out of rubber from the tires, kill squirrels with it, make a fur bikini out of ’em, and be sad when we were rescued.
    7:56 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE Dad would go out of his mind because we’d have to burn his books to stay warm.
    8:00 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE Eric would put on a pair of my pantyhose. Not to stay warm. Just ’cause my little brother wants to wear my pantyhose.
    8:00 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE I wrote that last bit ’cause Eric was looking over my shoulder.
    8:02 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE But the sick bastard said wearing my pantyhose is the closest he’ll probably come to getting laid in high school.
    8:06 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE He’s completely gross but I love him.
    8:06 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE Mom taught him to knit while we were snowed in here in happy CO and he knitted himself a cocksock, and then she was sorry.
    8:11 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE I miss my blog, which she had no right to make me take down.
    8:13 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE But Twittering is better than blogging because my blog always made me feel like I should have interesting ideas to blog about.
    8:14 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE But on Twitter every post can only be 140 letters long. Which is enough room to cover every interesting thing to ever happen to me.
    8:15 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE True. Check it out.
    8:15 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
    TYME2WASTE Born. School. Mall. Cell phone.