Read Online I'm Having More Fun Than You by Aaron Karo - Free Book Online

album labeled “Wasted at Mardi Gras” instead. Ultimately, the key to a great Facebook profile is to look good without really trying—and without making me sift through five hundred pictures of your fucking sister’s baby first.
    ----
    GLOSSARY
     
    KAROSPACING
     
    Technique adopted by some of my buddies who troll through the thousands of fans on my Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, and Ruminations.com profiles looking for hot chicks to message. Surprisingly, it sometimes works; I’ve inadvertently created a secondary ass market for my friends.
----
     
    An additional complication is the fact that most Facebook pictures have more than one person in them. How disappointing is it when you’re stalking someone online and you finally find a picture that she’s tagged in, but when you roll over the photo it turns out she’s not the cute one? Very, very disappointing. Therefore, I think we should establish some rules. Ladies: posting a picture of yourself and a celebrity doesn’t make you any more attractive. Guys: posting a picture of yourself and the one hot chick you happen to know from work doesn’t make you less of a dork. Ladies: don’t caption a photo of you and your girl friends as “my beautiful babies” when they’re all busted. Guys: don’t make your profile private; what are you, a chick? Ladies: don’t list your age as 99 years old; now everyone just assumes you’re older than thirty-five—be proud to be an Internet-savvy cougar!
    Relationship status is another potential trap. Sometimes, women will put In a Relationship on their Facebook profile even though they’re single, just so creepy guys won’t hit on them. However, when you don’t link to your boyfriend’s name, or have even one picture of him in any of your photo albums, we’re totally on to you. And please don’t list your relationship status as Swinger, It’s Complicated, or Married (to your best friend); just save us all the trouble and go with Single.
    ----
    FURTHER ENRICHMENT
     
    A less well-known place to ogle pictures of chicks online is law firm web sites. Most firms have high-quality, searchable headshots of all their nubile female associates. And usually next to the picture will be contact information and an option that says: “Download vCard.” If only it were that easy.
----
     
    While technology has helped me take my game to a whole new level, and allowed single people of both sexes to communicate with and stalk each other more freely than ever before, some of the problems that have always plagued us remain. For instance, when cell phones first became popular, I’d get a million accidental calls because my first name starts with two A s and is often listed first in friends’ address books. Now, I get a million invitations to completely irrelevant events on Facebook—again because my first name is listed at the top and people are just clicking away indiscriminately. When I was a senior in college, my cell phone address book ran out of memory and every time I wanted to make room for a new number, I had to pick the contact I liked the least and delete him or her—kind of like cell phone Survivor. Then, last year, my Facebook account reached the 5,000-friend limit and now I can’t add anyone else. It’s the same issue all over again. Only now I have no idea how I’m gonna choose whom to defriend. Oh, who are we kidding? You know exactly how I’m gonna choose.
    CLOSING TIME
     
    When I’ve laid some groundwork, thwarted the HCIs, identified an eight or above on the classic scale, remembered her name, and vanquished the competition, it’s time for the close. Scoring in cities where last call is late, such as New York, Chicago, or Miami, is less about attraction and more about attrition. “Magic Hour” occurs between 2:30 and 3:30 a.m. and refers to the window of time when girls are just drunk, tired, or lonely enough to respond to guys’ advances. This is the perfect time to close because the girls who are left