his words. So calm. So clear.
“What if…what if that’s not what I want…what I need…?” I say this as almost a whisper, too afraid to say it…to afraid to keep it in.
He doesn’t say anything for a long time, just keeps stroking his hand from the top of my head, down my back, across my raised legs and back again. I almost think he didn’t hear me until his voice answers in a whisper too, “You gave up having a choice when you became my wife, Lucy. What you want…what you need… I decide. You’ll take whatever I do to you.”
Even in a whisper, I know his final tone when I hear it. There’s no point in talking more.
Jake was right. He’ll never change. I swallow and still only speak in a cracked whisper, “What…what are you going to do to me, Max?”
And he waits to answer me again. His voice slides across the words, like he’s enjoying hearing the fear in my voice, feeling the shiver in my body. “Do you really want to know, little girl?”
“I…I might be pregnant…” It’s all I can think to say…hopeful that he’ll snap out of this deeper darkness still. Foolish hope. And coward. Too afraid to hear what he has planned for me.
“Yes. I think we should get you a new appointment later today.” He moves us both down the bed. “Enough talking. Get some sleep now, baby.” He kisses the top of my head and relaxes his arms a little.
Chapter 16 HIM
I didn’t fall back asleep after last night. I stayed awake, listening to Lucy’s breathing eventually even and deepen. Just that was enough to make me almost sleep. I’m always calmer having her next to me.
And I could use some calming right now. It’s why I got out of bed at 5:00 a.m. and went for a longer run. It’s why I’m still sitting on the terrace with a cold cup of coffee, thinking.
Yesterday seems like a nightmare. Not knowing where Lucy was. Looking for her. Talking to Killaney, Dad, Jeff. Jake…but I skip over him for now. Everything that happened up until she was home again, safe.
I’ve never felt helpless before. A feeling I hope never to feel again. That Lucy made me feel this way…I can’t forgive her. Not yet anyway. Not until I’ve punished her.
Which leads to my next frustration. Having to wait to punish her. I don’t like waiting for anything. I see the reason, the sense in waiting. But that doesn’t mean I like it. It’s been a long time since I’ve had to wait for anything. Waiting last night to hear from Lucy...I need to stop thinking about it.
Since Jake called. Since knowing what happened to her. I’ve had to hold my anger in check. I’ve had to stop my hands from wringing her neck. From punching him. I look at my hands holding the cold cup now.
I don’t know that I’ll be able to forgive Jake for his part in all this. I’ll try, but it’ll be a long time before I trust him again with Lucy.
I smile. But that doesn’t matter. I’ve already arranged for a new driver for me. Jeff will be keeping Lucy company from now on. She won’t be leaving here without me knowing where she is at all times. And no one will be allowed in here without my permission.
She said last night that this was practically her prison. Well, baby, it is now. I smile. For her own sake, I hope she takes these new rules well…she’s already in for a world of hurt for what she’s done and said.
What kept me up…what robbed my sleep wasn’t any of these thoughts, though.
It was the same thoughts I’ve had before. About Lucy.
I knew she struggled. When I’d see her resisting or trying to work around a demand, I’d be more strict and severe with her. It’s when I’d be my most cruel. I don’t really want to be cruel to her. I like hurting her, sometimes just for my pleasure…but I want to be loving and kind to her too. And most of the time, I am.
I give her all of my love. I deny her nothing. Within reason anyway. I’m not a fool though. I know what I demand isn’t for everyone. I’ve had enough girlfriends
“What if…what if that’s not what I want…what I need…?” I say this as almost a whisper, too afraid to say it…to afraid to keep it in.
He doesn’t say anything for a long time, just keeps stroking his hand from the top of my head, down my back, across my raised legs and back again. I almost think he didn’t hear me until his voice answers in a whisper too, “You gave up having a choice when you became my wife, Lucy. What you want…what you need… I decide. You’ll take whatever I do to you.”
Even in a whisper, I know his final tone when I hear it. There’s no point in talking more.
Jake was right. He’ll never change. I swallow and still only speak in a cracked whisper, “What…what are you going to do to me, Max?”
And he waits to answer me again. His voice slides across the words, like he’s enjoying hearing the fear in my voice, feeling the shiver in my body. “Do you really want to know, little girl?”
“I…I might be pregnant…” It’s all I can think to say…hopeful that he’ll snap out of this deeper darkness still. Foolish hope. And coward. Too afraid to hear what he has planned for me.
“Yes. I think we should get you a new appointment later today.” He moves us both down the bed. “Enough talking. Get some sleep now, baby.” He kisses the top of my head and relaxes his arms a little.
Chapter 16 HIM
I didn’t fall back asleep after last night. I stayed awake, listening to Lucy’s breathing eventually even and deepen. Just that was enough to make me almost sleep. I’m always calmer having her next to me.
And I could use some calming right now. It’s why I got out of bed at 5:00 a.m. and went for a longer run. It’s why I’m still sitting on the terrace with a cold cup of coffee, thinking.
Yesterday seems like a nightmare. Not knowing where Lucy was. Looking for her. Talking to Killaney, Dad, Jeff. Jake…but I skip over him for now. Everything that happened up until she was home again, safe.
I’ve never felt helpless before. A feeling I hope never to feel again. That Lucy made me feel this way…I can’t forgive her. Not yet anyway. Not until I’ve punished her.
Which leads to my next frustration. Having to wait to punish her. I don’t like waiting for anything. I see the reason, the sense in waiting. But that doesn’t mean I like it. It’s been a long time since I’ve had to wait for anything. Waiting last night to hear from Lucy...I need to stop thinking about it.
Since Jake called. Since knowing what happened to her. I’ve had to hold my anger in check. I’ve had to stop my hands from wringing her neck. From punching him. I look at my hands holding the cold cup now.
I don’t know that I’ll be able to forgive Jake for his part in all this. I’ll try, but it’ll be a long time before I trust him again with Lucy.
I smile. But that doesn’t matter. I’ve already arranged for a new driver for me. Jeff will be keeping Lucy company from now on. She won’t be leaving here without me knowing where she is at all times. And no one will be allowed in here without my permission.
She said last night that this was practically her prison. Well, baby, it is now. I smile. For her own sake, I hope she takes these new rules well…she’s already in for a world of hurt for what she’s done and said.
What kept me up…what robbed my sleep wasn’t any of these thoughts, though.
It was the same thoughts I’ve had before. About Lucy.
I knew she struggled. When I’d see her resisting or trying to work around a demand, I’d be more strict and severe with her. It’s when I’d be my most cruel. I don’t really want to be cruel to her. I like hurting her, sometimes just for my pleasure…but I want to be loving and kind to her too. And most of the time, I am.
I give her all of my love. I deny her nothing. Within reason anyway. I’m not a fool though. I know what I demand isn’t for everyone. I’ve had enough girlfriends
Similar Books
