saying the same things over...that Max is too controlling; I shouldn't give up my job; I should be independent and think for myself...blah blah blah. Her same tune about not liking Max at all.
I take a deep breath and try to make her understand this from my perspective. I interrupt her latest rendition, "Tracy. You're my best friend and I love you." She shuts up at least. "But I need you to understand that I don't take orders from you. I am living my life the way I want and I want you to be happy about it for me."
Laura just stares at me. Since being with Max, I've put my foot down more with Tracy. I've not let her dominate the conversations, not let her push us around to doing what she wants to do all the time. This restaurant is a perfect example. Tracy doesn't like this place, but Laura and I do. But we hadn't been here in over six months. The last time was when Tracy was out sick for the afternoon.
Tracy is just blinking like she doesn't recognize me. She answers in a more calm and quiet voice, "But you do take orders from Max, is that what you call living your life?"
"Yes." Both are blinking at me. I don't say anymore, just get up with my cup to refill it with more water. When I return to the table, I pick up my purse, saying, "I have to get back for a meeting with Rich..."
Laura starts to get up too, but Tracy remains sitting. "He likes you, you know?"
"Who? Rich?" I don't want to hear this. The guilty knot is returning and my stomach is way too full to deal with that.
"Yeah. He confessed to me that he likes you at the party." Tracy keeps watching me. "He said he went looking for you...that he was worried about you..."
I only shake my head and continue walking away. Tracy gets up and quickly comes after me though, "And only a few months ago, you would've been so happy to hear that news. I know you liked him too..."
I turn on her as soon as we're out the door. "And it doesn't matter anymore. I'm with Max. I'm getting married to Max. And I won't see Rich after two weeks from today." I don't wait for her to respond, I just walk away with Laura closely at my side. Tracy doesn't follow us.
"You really want to quit?" Laura isn't angry like Tracy. She genuinely wants to know that I'm okay.
"Yes." I stop for a second, we were both walking too fast. "I knew marrying Max would mean that I wasn't going to need to work." A blurring of the truth a little.
"But...you're okay with quitting now ...I always assumed that if I had kids, I wouldn't want to work...but until you are large with child..." she puts her hands out in front of her stomach, laughing. She's so sweet...trying to make a joke to make me feel better. I laugh lightly too.
"I'm sure I'll have plenty to keep me busy just getting used to being a wife before that happens!" And I realize that this is what Max had said. And I'm afraid to think of what he meant by it.
.....
I'm actually happy to be heading to my place, alone. Today has given me a headache. My neck felt like it was a twig waiting to snap. Everyone asking about my quitting. Having to meet with Rich...I don't even want to think more about that. Tracy. Cruela. All adding to the strain on my twiggy neck.
I'm just glad to have this time to myself. I realize that it's been weeks since I've slept in my own bed. I think of Max's place as our home already. Well...it is a lot bigger and nicer.
I open the door and there's a light on inside already. I must have left it on all this time!
There's a note on my coffee table. "I've left boxes for you. Please pack only what you really need or want. The rest will be donated. No furniture, unless it's of sentimental value to you. Love, M."
I look beyond the small living area and see boxes stacked between my bed and dining area. He does think of everything. He's already paid off my landlord for the rest
I take a deep breath and try to make her understand this from my perspective. I interrupt her latest rendition, "Tracy. You're my best friend and I love you." She shuts up at least. "But I need you to understand that I don't take orders from you. I am living my life the way I want and I want you to be happy about it for me."
Laura just stares at me. Since being with Max, I've put my foot down more with Tracy. I've not let her dominate the conversations, not let her push us around to doing what she wants to do all the time. This restaurant is a perfect example. Tracy doesn't like this place, but Laura and I do. But we hadn't been here in over six months. The last time was when Tracy was out sick for the afternoon.
Tracy is just blinking like she doesn't recognize me. She answers in a more calm and quiet voice, "But you do take orders from Max, is that what you call living your life?"
"Yes." Both are blinking at me. I don't say anymore, just get up with my cup to refill it with more water. When I return to the table, I pick up my purse, saying, "I have to get back for a meeting with Rich..."
Laura starts to get up too, but Tracy remains sitting. "He likes you, you know?"
"Who? Rich?" I don't want to hear this. The guilty knot is returning and my stomach is way too full to deal with that.
"Yeah. He confessed to me that he likes you at the party." Tracy keeps watching me. "He said he went looking for you...that he was worried about you..."
I only shake my head and continue walking away. Tracy gets up and quickly comes after me though, "And only a few months ago, you would've been so happy to hear that news. I know you liked him too..."
I turn on her as soon as we're out the door. "And it doesn't matter anymore. I'm with Max. I'm getting married to Max. And I won't see Rich after two weeks from today." I don't wait for her to respond, I just walk away with Laura closely at my side. Tracy doesn't follow us.
"You really want to quit?" Laura isn't angry like Tracy. She genuinely wants to know that I'm okay.
"Yes." I stop for a second, we were both walking too fast. "I knew marrying Max would mean that I wasn't going to need to work." A blurring of the truth a little.
"But...you're okay with quitting now ...I always assumed that if I had kids, I wouldn't want to work...but until you are large with child..." she puts her hands out in front of her stomach, laughing. She's so sweet...trying to make a joke to make me feel better. I laugh lightly too.
"I'm sure I'll have plenty to keep me busy just getting used to being a wife before that happens!" And I realize that this is what Max had said. And I'm afraid to think of what he meant by it.
.....
I'm actually happy to be heading to my place, alone. Today has given me a headache. My neck felt like it was a twig waiting to snap. Everyone asking about my quitting. Having to meet with Rich...I don't even want to think more about that. Tracy. Cruela. All adding to the strain on my twiggy neck.
I'm just glad to have this time to myself. I realize that it's been weeks since I've slept in my own bed. I think of Max's place as our home already. Well...it is a lot bigger and nicer.
I open the door and there's a light on inside already. I must have left it on all this time!
There's a note on my coffee table. "I've left boxes for you. Please pack only what you really need or want. The rest will be donated. No furniture, unless it's of sentimental value to you. Love, M."
I look beyond the small living area and see boxes stacked between my bed and dining area. He does think of everything. He's already paid off my landlord for the rest
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