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Authors: Willow Madison
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of my lease. All I have to do is decide what pieces of my old life will go with me...
And I'm actually surprised that this makes me so sad. I didn't think about leaving this place. Leaving my things behind. I felt so proud of myself finding this place on my own. Decorating it the way I wanted...well, the way I could afford at least. I liked having my stuff all around, messy or clean, it was up to me.
I know in Max's house, nothing will be up to me. I've come to terms with that....I think so anyway. But I still feel a sadness at giving up so much. At having to give up so much...in order to gain so much more. And I know my life with Max will be more...more love, more fulfilling, more of what I want...but still it sucks to look around here and realize that not much is going to go with me.
I lay on my bed and close my eyes...
But I'm bolted up by a knock on my door. Probably Jeff. He said he wasn't going to wait, just to text him when I'm ready to leave, but he must've changed his mind. We both know I have a 9:30 curfew.
"Hey! What are you doing here?!"
"Nice to see you too!" Laura is pushing her way into my apartment. She has a pizza and wine with her. "Max called me this afternoon...said you might like some company and help packing up your stuff."
He does think of everything. I start to cry.
Laura puts the box and wine down quickly and puts her arms around me. "Oh, sweetie...why are you crying? What happened?"
Moving out of her arms, I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath. "Oh, God, Laura. I don't even know why I'm crying!" I pick up the wine and she grabs the pizza, following me into the kitchen. "This is all happening so quickly...I think my head is just spinning!"
"So...slow things down...you don't have to rush into getting married..."
"Yes. I do." She looks at my stomach again and I hit her lightly on the shoulder. "No. I mean..." I take a deep breath. I need to talk to someone! "Can I be totally honest with you...and you won't judge me for it?"
"Like you even have to ask!" But she can see that I'm not going to say anything unless she actually says it. "Yes...I won't judge you. You know that!"
She takes two plates with pizza and I take two glasses and the wine into the dining area. The boxes are staring at us, jury boxes.
"I wouldn't be able to say this to Tracy. But I...I need someone to talk to, Laura." She squeezes my arm and I continue...what the hell, right?! "I don't have a choice about getting married in a few weeks. I didn't have a choice about quitting today."
"What do you mean...why not?!"
"Because you're right...about Max. He is very controlling. He told me to quit and I did." There I said it. I sit back and take a big drink, not looking at her. Above the rim of my glass though, I can see that she hasn't moved.
"But...but it's not like you didn't do it...I mean he didn't have a gun to your head, right?" She's trying to joke; I know she's unsure of what to say to me.
"Yes...I had to choose to do it...to obey him." I say this as a whisper.
She only swallows her wine with a gulp at this. She keeps looking at me, then at her plate. "And that's why you were crying...because you don't want to...to obey him?" she says this awkwardly.
"No...Well...I just felt all the stress of today, of the last few months really...I dunno." I shake my head, laughing at myself. "I cried because you're my best friend and you'd want to be here for me. Because Max is so sweet that he'd know that I need somewhere here for this part...Because I've been keeping all of this to myself for the most part...and I just needed to get it out. I needed to be honest with you."
"Well...I'm glad that you are...I just...wow! What do I say?" Laura is smiling at me, a little mystified at my rambling. She's the rambler.
"You don't have to say anything..."
"But..." She sits up a little more, puts her wine glass down and looks at me squarely. "Do you really love Max? Do you really want to marry him?"
"Yes." I don't hesitate in my answer. I
And I'm actually surprised that this makes me so sad. I didn't think about leaving this place. Leaving my things behind. I felt so proud of myself finding this place on my own. Decorating it the way I wanted...well, the way I could afford at least. I liked having my stuff all around, messy or clean, it was up to me.
I know in Max's house, nothing will be up to me. I've come to terms with that....I think so anyway. But I still feel a sadness at giving up so much. At having to give up so much...in order to gain so much more. And I know my life with Max will be more...more love, more fulfilling, more of what I want...but still it sucks to look around here and realize that not much is going to go with me.
I lay on my bed and close my eyes...
But I'm bolted up by a knock on my door. Probably Jeff. He said he wasn't going to wait, just to text him when I'm ready to leave, but he must've changed his mind. We both know I have a 9:30 curfew.
"Hey! What are you doing here?!"
"Nice to see you too!" Laura is pushing her way into my apartment. She has a pizza and wine with her. "Max called me this afternoon...said you might like some company and help packing up your stuff."
He does think of everything. I start to cry.
Laura puts the box and wine down quickly and puts her arms around me. "Oh, sweetie...why are you crying? What happened?"
Moving out of her arms, I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath. "Oh, God, Laura. I don't even know why I'm crying!" I pick up the wine and she grabs the pizza, following me into the kitchen. "This is all happening so quickly...I think my head is just spinning!"
"So...slow things down...you don't have to rush into getting married..."
"Yes. I do." She looks at my stomach again and I hit her lightly on the shoulder. "No. I mean..." I take a deep breath. I need to talk to someone! "Can I be totally honest with you...and you won't judge me for it?"
"Like you even have to ask!" But she can see that I'm not going to say anything unless she actually says it. "Yes...I won't judge you. You know that!"
She takes two plates with pizza and I take two glasses and the wine into the dining area. The boxes are staring at us, jury boxes.
"I wouldn't be able to say this to Tracy. But I...I need someone to talk to, Laura." She squeezes my arm and I continue...what the hell, right?! "I don't have a choice about getting married in a few weeks. I didn't have a choice about quitting today."
"What do you mean...why not?!"
"Because you're right...about Max. He is very controlling. He told me to quit and I did." There I said it. I sit back and take a big drink, not looking at her. Above the rim of my glass though, I can see that she hasn't moved.
"But...but it's not like you didn't do it...I mean he didn't have a gun to your head, right?" She's trying to joke; I know she's unsure of what to say to me.
"Yes...I had to choose to do it...to obey him." I say this as a whisper.
She only swallows her wine with a gulp at this. She keeps looking at me, then at her plate. "And that's why you were crying...because you don't want to...to obey him?" she says this awkwardly.
"No...Well...I just felt all the stress of today, of the last few months really...I dunno." I shake my head, laughing at myself. "I cried because you're my best friend and you'd want to be here for me. Because Max is so sweet that he'd know that I need somewhere here for this part...Because I've been keeping all of this to myself for the most part...and I just needed to get it out. I needed to be honest with you."
"Well...I'm glad that you are...I just...wow! What do I say?" Laura is smiling at me, a little mystified at my rambling. She's the rambler.
"You don't have to say anything..."
"But..." She sits up a little more, puts her wine glass down and looks at me squarely. "Do you really love Max? Do you really want to marry him?"
"Yes." I don't hesitate in my answer. I
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